To ask for your comebacks to being asked if I'm a full time mum?

[RemainOptimistic]

Got asked this today in the context of small talk. I couldn't think on the spot so just muttered about going back to work.

What can I say in future? How about "oh why do you ask, are you a part time mum too?" or is that too rude?

A 'Yes, I'm a full time Mum'
B 'Do you think you'll go back to work?'
A 'You misunderstand me, I've already gone back to work! I'm also a full time Mum'

I haven't really heard the term full-time mother used outside MN. It's usually SAHM these days I thought. And when somebody's children leave home are they then not a Mother. It's a silly meaningless expression IMHO.

To this who think having a child means the phrase full time mum applies to you would you describe your occupation as full time mum if your child was 40?

No because I would be barely mothering them at all at that age.

To those who think having a child means the phrase full time mum applies to you would you describe your occupation as full time mum if your child was 40?
Obviously not! 40 year old DC are legally no longer your dependants. They are adults not children.
What a strange question!!

To this who think having a child means the phrase full time mum applies to you would you describe your occupation as full time mum if your child was 40?

I'm pretty sure that's how my mother sees herself. And grandmother.

I wouldn't take offense to it.

People can't win.... you'd be equally upset if they'd asked ..

"Do you work?" - well of course I work, I'm a full time mum !

Every mum is a full-time mum. I work and go to university and I am a full-time mum. I don't stop being a mum just because I'm in work. Just because a mother works or studies doesn't make them any less of a mother or a part-time mother.
A mother who chooses not to work/study etc is a stay at home mum.
angry

I don't like people describing what they do in a certain way. The way they do it offends me. They should describe themselves in the way that I say they should, even if they don't like that way, or that way offends them. Because my interpretation of it and my feelings on the matter are the only things that are important.

Ffs. Struggling to understand how this is insulting. You seem to have some issue about being a full time mum?

Because you are a parent 100% of the time.if you have kids you aren't a part time parent. You may have a job but you're still a parent while you're at work.
I'm a full time mum but I work.

No - I have a timeshare agreement with a couple of other mothers.

You aren't actively parenting at work, are you? If I'm at work, I'm not picking the kids up if they fall over or making their lunch. I'm parenting in a more 'last line of defence' type way, and if they are at school, then the school has a type of parental authority to make decisions over them (what they do/eat/behave), except in exceptional circumstances. Neither do I think about my children when I'm at work, that's for when I step out of the door in the late afternoon, again, unless exceptional circumstances. I don't work with one mind on my job and one on the children (except when tiny babies perhaps).

Can't get over people who would rather make a point to some poor person who has bothered to ask them about their lives and is showing an interest in them. There's no commonly accepted phrase in the UK, so why make people feel awkward if they pick one that isn't perfect for that person. It must be awful to be so prickly about your choices that when someone says 'are you a full time mum' you defensively blurt out 'I work but I'm still full time' thereby confusing everyone. If you are relaxed about your choices, I've found others are chatty and open about theirs- both when I've been a SAHP and work f/t.

@Summerswallow you aren't actively parenting when your kids are at school either dies that make all parents of school age children part time parents?

I don't call women who work full time mums

InspMorse
To those who think having a child means the phrase full time mum applies to you would you describe your occupation as full time mum if your child was 40?
Obviously not! 40 year old DC are legally no longer your dependants. They are adults not children.
What a strange question!!

Actually, I thought that was an excellently drawn parallel and question by CorbynsBumFlannel there.

2014newme by the time children are in school, the majority of mums (statistically) are working at least part-time. Those that prefer to stay home wouldn't say 'I'm a full time mum' would they, as they are no children to care for in the home during the day! So, pretty much all parents are working out of the home by this point.

I just can't imagine being insulted by this full-time thing, it's a colloquial expression meaning stay at home parent (which also insults some people). It's all very precious when there are real inequalities for women and a structural problem whereby it's always 'sensible' for the woman to give up her career in comparison to the man as I read time after time. Why aren't people insulted that their husbands/partners consider their job a bit lesser and not to be prioritized, wouldn't be the one to move for, be better all round if they just worked around the Big Man in the family? And institutions assuming this is the case (not least of all schools who appear to be designed to have one parent at home in their ridiculous timetabling). That's much more offensive in my opinion. But men seem to get off scott free in this debate whilst everyone gets upset about not being deemed a 'full time mum' whilst at work (how could you have two full time jobs at the same time?! It doesn't make sense to me).

OP seems to have disappeared, but if she's still here, I have two comebacks for her:

Q: Are you a full-time mum?

A: Yes.
B. No.

But you're still a mother to a 40 yr old. I though the amount of time you were actively caring for them didn't matter? You don't cease to be a mother once your child turns 18 so how rude of you to say that mothers are adult children aren't full time mothers 😂

Obviously not! 40 year old DC are legally no longer your dependants. They are adults not children

So what about a 17 year old? Legally a child, not an adult. Would you call yourself a full time mother to them? And if you, how can that change on the day of their 18th birthday?

I think what we gather from threads like these is that some people could get insulted in an empty room. They go looking for offence and when they inevitably find it, they are very rude to perfectly polite people.

Agreed hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea. But at least I'm armed with some cutting comebacks for when people refuse to acknowledge me accurately as a full time mother, sister, wife, aunt, cousin and friend!

Yes, cutting comeback reflect so well on a person.

Being a mother isn't an occupation. I think that's where the confusion arises.

It is if that is how your whole day is occupied!

vivienne it is my current occupation. It is what I occupy my entire day with.