To ask for your comebacks to being asked if I'm a full time mum?

[RemainOptimistic]

Got asked this today in the context of small talk. I couldn't think on the spot so just muttered about going back to work.

What can I say in future? How about "oh why do you ask, are you a part time mum too?" or is that too rude?

Whilst a working mother is in her office or wherever I'm spending my whole day playing with, teaching and generally moulding my.children into good people.

And the working mothers are created serial killers, so there's a nice balance.

Surely the answers are yes or no?

Whilst a working mother is in her office or wherever I'm spending my whole day playing with, teaching and generally moulding my.children into good people.

This must be one of the most ridiculous statements I've ever seen on MN. And that's saying something.

I would say yes, and I also go to work!

You are deliberately taking the question out of context - you are simply being asked if you work, it's just chit chat. Would, 'do you look after your children full time?' be less offensive? I expect not.

My dc are all at school now and I have not returned to work - I would be a bit if someone called me a full time mum (in the context of looking after my dc full time, which is the context this question is generally asked in), as I'm really not!! I have been to yoga, walked the dog, eaten my lunch quietly without interruption and now plan to do a few things around the house, I might read for an hour.........all whilst my dc have been elsewhere! If someone asked me this, I think I would answer, 'I don't work, if that's what you mean' and leave it at that!

And the working mothers are created serial killers, so there's a nice balance

*creating! Dammit.

I don’t understand sorry!

Wouldn’t you just say yes I’m a full time mum!

Littlepeas completely agree with what you have written.

People get so easily offended by so many things. I tend to say "I don't work at the moment", but as others have said, looking after DCs is hard work.
I don't say "SAHM" because I don't stay at home. Ever since the DCs were tiny babies we have gone out every day to lots of groups/classes/play dates/days out etc.
"Full time mother" is seen as offensive.
Can anyone suggest an alternative? Just curious.

Why do we need a label? Men seem to manage ok.

If someone seriously told me that it’s only when they’re physically with their child, doing the tasks and activities involved in looking after that child, that they are ‘moulding’ their child, then I’d feel sorry for them for having such a limited view of parenting.

It doesn't have to be a label, but an answer to the question "what do you do for a living" or similar. This also applies to men, what's the difference?

And besides, We prefer to guide our children to have good values and to be the person they want to be, rather than mould them into some preconceived idea of what we think they ought to be

If I can't go part time, I'm handing in my notice

*Babbitywabbit
*
Absolutely.

Why do we need a label? Men seem to manage ok.

I don't think the issue is having a label as such. I suspect that men would not get offended by someone saying they're a full time dad.

Whilst a working mother is in her office or wherever I'm spending my whole day playing with, teaching and generally moulding my.children into good people

Clearly the stay at home/full time mum role has huge variations.

I pretty much just spend the day trying my best not to kill my kids as well as preventing them from killing each other.

OP you sound insecure about your role. I’ve done full time work with ds1, 8 hours work/part time masters with ds2 and now I’m just doing my masters from home and I guess I’m a SAHM. No comebacks needed, nobody means offence. The “full time” is just in relation to a working life.

Being a parent is hard no matter how you’re doing it. No point bickering over who has it the hardest as every single situation, person, job and child are different.

Move on guys.

Full time mum is basically interchangeable with sahm. You know exactly what is meant by it - it means you spend the day looking after your kids. Giving any kind of snippy response would just seem unhinged imo. No-one ever has or ever will suggest you cease to be your child's mother at work or that you are only related to them part-time so pretending they are is spectacularly over sensitive and would say more about your own insecurity than the person asking the question.

'Heteronormative have you confused two posters? I made the shocked head tilt comment but never said anything about ‘moulding my children’ etc.'

No, just replying to two posters in one post :)

"Yes, I am"

Always shows them up!?

Or just say 'that's none of your business you judgmental asshole'. Because that's what you're thinking clearly if you're offended.

If that's not what you're thinking, why the need for a witty comeback?

Smart arse replies always invariably out a person as insecure and weak in my opinion. They really never sound as smart as the person saying them thinks.

*Whilst a working mother is in her office or wherever I'm spending my whole day playing with, teaching and generally moulding my.children into good people.

And the working mothers are created serial killers, so there's a nice balance.*

No I don't recognise the term full-time mum as meaning you spend you whole day looking after your DC's. You are a Mum 24/7 whether you are in bed, at the office or at home.

If someone described themselves as a full time mum then most people would realise they meant they were at home in the day looking after their children rather than simply that they had children.
I wouldn't describe myself as a full time mum now even though I'm not working at the moment because my kids are in school. I'm still a mum though.

Ditto I wouldn't expect a dad who is in the office 9-5 to give their occupation as full time dad. That would make me assume they were a sahd.