To ask for your comebacks to being asked if I'm a full time mum?

[RemainOptimistic]

Got asked this today in the context of small talk. I couldn't think on the spot so just muttered about going back to work.

What can I say in future? How about "oh why do you ask, are you a part time mum too?" or is that too rude?

No I disagree. If my full day is occupied painting and decorating my house I'm not a painter and decorator. . Being a mother isn't an occupation in the way I understand the word. But if you think it is then it's up to you. Is being a wife an occupation even if you do everything for your DH. No it's not.

Being a mother isn't an occupation. I think that's where the confusion arises

Except it is when you have young children who are your full time occupation.
We ALL know this. Why pretend we don't?

Then we get into the realms of mothers whose children are at school. Are they part-time Mums too because their whole day isn't occupied in caring for children. An occupation as I understand it is what you do for a living and not how you occupy your time.

Being a SAHP is not a job. I’m not saying that it is not hard work but is isn’t a job or occupation. It is quite ridiculous to say that WOHP are not parenting whilst they are at work as I would classify providing for your child as most definitely parenting. How on earth do families survive without any income? Running a household involves the same tasks whether you are a parent or not or working or not. It’s just that many of those household tasks take place before or after work. I think people people can take offence because they feel that others think being a SAHP is easy which we all know it isn’t, however, it isn’t a job.

My DH says he goes to work to get a break from DC. He doesn't like to be accompanied and watched in the toilet either. He hates anyone eating food off his plate despite having the same meal themselves. Sadly, he is just not cut out for being a SAHD 😂 Luckily Men never have to explain themselves like women do.

An after thought...pages upon pages of women ripping each other to shreds over silly arguments and the op is no where to be seen, they must be lavishing in the mayhem and bun fight they have caused by starting this thread.

I am a SAHM, and technically receive a wage for it - the princely sum that is carers allowance on which I live my lavish lifestyle (!) but still don't consider myself to have a job, occupation etc. I gave up my job and now I am a SAHP.

It is quite ridiculous to say that WOHP are not parenting whilst they are at work as I would classify providing for your child as most definitely parenting

Oh stop with this nonsense.

If you are at work somewhere else you are not doing the actual caring for the small child/ren. You are not wiping bums or playing hopscotch or feeding or any of it.

It's not a value judgement, its a simple statement of fact. Full time mother or SAHP or whatever simply means that your day to day occupation (as in the thing that occupies your day) is the actual work of parenting. It is accepted and acceptable language use that we all understand.

This faux misunderstanding merely shows the chip on your shoulder, which is your own problem.

I would just say yes confidently. You don't need a comeback, own what you are and don't feel ashamed. Everyone has their own circumstances. I'm a single dad and I often get asked what I do, probably because I look and dress quite smart not too casual. I just confidently say I'm currently looking after my 3 year old full time and doing a masters part time. Before I started my masters I'd still say it confidently, last thing you should do is feel or act ashamed at your choice.

No chips on my shoulder. Very much enjoy my job and having money in my bank account. I wonder how many of the ‘full time mums’ could continue to parent without their working other halves in the picture as they clearly don’t contribute to ‘parenting’

As opposed to..... a part time one?

Being a SAHP is not a job. I’m not saying that it is not hard work but is isn’t a job or occupation.

So, if a friend and I swapped children and nannied for each other we would have an "occupation" but if we did exactly the same for our own children we would not?

I agree, as a stay at home parent I can say this is a holiday compared to when I was working. A fun holiday which isn't difficult. Yes challenging and draining at times but not that hard. But then I'm like Topsy and Tim's parents who have fun with their kids and enjoy the time, many just stress themselves out.

So, not a job, just a holiday.

beowulf

If you were looking after someone else’s children and getting paid for it then yes you would have a job. Otherwise it’s just called life. When I come in from work on an evening I do not consider that I then commence my other job of being a parent. I consider it to be simply livong my family life. And although I pick up my children from 2 locations after work, make dinner, clear up, do homework, activities, housework and laundry, bath and bedtime it certainly isn’t my ‘job’.

I would just say yes confidently

If you had a full time job you would answer yes to "are you a full time mother"? Knowing full well they were asking if you were a sahp?

I suppose if you wanted to be a rude tit, you could do that.

hobbitfeet that's your perspective on your own life. I've given up most paid employment to look after my children, so I need a term to describe that. What do you suggest? I feel my role is very different to when I was working in paid employment and paying other people to care for my children.

hotbutteredcrumpetsandtea has it.

If I clean my own house I'm not a cleaner. If I do some water colour at home I'm not an artist by occupation. There's a difference between providing a service for someone else and doing it for yourself. A Mum is a Mum. Not full time part-time or whatever.

It's just semantics isn't it? All mums are full time mums as PP said it's not a job it's a relationship.

People need to stop being professionally offended! I can't imagine anyone who refers to someone not being a 'full time' mum means anything other than they are not a stay at home mum. They are parenting, as a SAHM, full time, all of their hours. If you're working outside the home, although of course during those hours you are still a mum, you are 'working' in another capacity. You are not actively parenting your child whilst you're at work - because you're working!

I worked with someone who's SIL/DB dropped their DC to a childminders at 7am and didn't collect until 7.30pm Monday to Friday every week. Childminder did everything including evening meals for the DC. The parents collected, drove home, did bedtime routine. One would wonder why they had DC when they spend 2 days per week with them for the majority of the year.

One would wonder why they had DC when they spend 2 days per week with them for the majority of the year.

Doesn’t this apply to most men?

baby I also only spend 2 days per week with my child. What is the protocol here? Should I send her back?

If I clean my own house I'm not a cleaner. If I do some water colour at home I'm not an artist by occupation. There's a difference between providing a service for someone else and doing it for yourself. A Mum is a Mum. Not full time part-time or whatever.

Your analogy does not work because during the period you are not cleaning your house, you don't have to pay someone else to do it; during the period when you are not painting a picture, you do not have to employ someone else to do it. However, if you have preschool children, you have to employ someone else to care for them for all the time that you undertaking paid employment outside the home.

You also (in most cases) need someone else (perhaps a part time parent) in the household to work in order to provide a means to live.

Beowolf- I'm back at work (challenging, rewarding, I'm in charge of 150 professionals which is just part of my job) and it's miles easier than the 12 years I spent at home looking after my children.

Why do you need a come back? its just small talk?
I get asked if I am a full time mum by SAHPs and I tend to ask other women if they work (because I do) and they might be thinking yes I do just not outside the house, blah blah.

Why all the defensiveness?