To think this is too much food!

[Rudedog]

So one of DDs friends moved away and they have been home for weekend and today - so we have been out for tea before they travelled home, to TGI Fridays.

So it's me and DD, DDs friend, her mum and younger sister.
Another friend and mother came too.

I've been shocked by DDs friend weight gain over the last year, it's gotten worse and now I can see the cause. She is 8 and this is what she was allowed to order for dinner....

From the adult menu - mozzarella sticks, a half rack of BBQ ribs with fries, a massive brownie ice cream thing for pudding....
She ate all that PLUS - half of her mums onion rings, half of her mums shrimp pasta and a lot of her cheesecake
PLUS - most of her younger sisters chicken fingers and fries and ice cream (younger sister barely eats anyway)
PLUS - she asked about everyone else's dinners and were they eating them all and tried hoovering up any leftovers.

She then asked about getting sweets.

I've never seen an adult eat that much let alone an 8 year old. I can't believe she wasn't sick (they've got a long car journey so maybe I've spoken too soon.

Me and other parent were a bit taken a back, other parent said 'aren't you full yet?' - her mum said 'she's such a good eater and she's always hungry' - she spoke like it was a positive thing.

I never make DD clear a plate - we talk a lot about eating until we feel full.

I mean I'm not unreasonable am I that even if you child is 'hungry' you say no - it's too much food!

Can't get over that posters thought the adult friend was rude for commenting when the child was trying to get at her food. I would jolly well comment if a child had been given a perfectly adequate meal and then tried to eat mine too. "aren't you full yet?" sounds a very mild comment under the circumstances.

In what world is it acceptable manners for an 8yo to complain if she is not given unlimited sweets in a house she is visiting? In what world is it acceptable manner for her to sit and ask others (including adults) for their dinners which they are still eating? This really is MN alternative universe.

None of those are acceptable of course.

But personally id have stuck to just saying no.

Mainly because I would worry that a chikd with such obvious weight gain and obsession with eating hers and everyone else's food, is perhaps dealing with some major issues 're food and I'd want to avoid adding to it by commenting on the amount eaten.

As if an 8 year old ate all that.

Pull the other one, op, it's got bells on . . .

Calling someone greedy, whether implicitly or explicitly, is just nasty and sets them up for a lifetime of food issues.

Calling someone greedy, whether implicitly or explicitly, is just nasty and sets them up for a lifetime of food issues

YY to this.

But surely letting them eat all the crap they want, unfettered, is also setting them up for a lifetime of food issues?

Course it is.

But you could at least try to redirect in other ways first.

Over eating can be caused by stress and boredom so maybe try and decrease those.

Stop feeding for a quiet life (of that's why a parent is doing)

Subtley reduce portions maybe even buy smaller plates.

If other methods dont work then perhaps it's time for an age appropriate chat about keeping out bodies healthy without emphasis on weight etc ..

In this case it dies kinda sound like the mum has given up and just doesn't know what to do.

The dd is stuck in a cycle of enjoying a bit to much freedom with food and perhaps using it to feel better about something.

But she's going and there's a few more years yet where the parent has more control over what they are eating.

My kids will always eat more out than at home and what would seem quite a lot for their age (often more than me) but that does seem a hell of a lot regardless of what the child weighs and I would have expected the mum to stop her eating to avoid her being sick.

OP you seem to have a few friends with children with eating issues, back in August you were posting about a 9 year old who was obese and tucking into everyone’s meals.

In cases like these I wish that "Food Police" would be an actual real life thing.
They could be called out to confiscate excess food from those who are making foie gras geese out of their children. Or pets. Or other unsuspecting victims by proxy.
The abuser should receive a community service and mandatory healthy eating/care for dependants course.

Isn't it funny how many people are addressing a straw man!

Not one poster has said it's not too much food.

Not one poster has said people shouldn't intervene if there is a way of doing so that has a chance of doing more good than harm.

Not one poster has said we can't talk about the obesity crisis (and in fact it is discussed endlessly, everywhere. It's one of those odd things people pretend is taboo when it isn't at all, everyone has an opinion on it and it's constantly in the media).

What lots of people objected to was the disingenuous nature of the thread.

Is 30 stone overweight? I'm 7 stone myself but a school mum is 30 stone, AIBU to think she's fat?

Is eating nothing but crisps healthy? I eat a wide variety of food but mostly fresh vegetables and I cook from scratch, but my friend only eats crisps, AIBU to think that's unhealthy?

AIBU to think children shouldn't be playing on the motorway at 2am? I parent in a vaguely standard fashion but DD's friends play on the motorway. AIBU to think that's dangerous?

There was nothing in the op nor the following posts by Rude suggesting any interest in helping the family. It's all about pointing and gossiping and feeling like a better parent by comparison to someone who is very clearly deeply mired in complex food issues with her children.

Anyone who gets to the point of one massively overweight primary school child and one malnourished one and thinks that everything is fine needs serious help, not to be gossiped about. The odds are that whatever the issues are they are pretty deep rooted and complex, given the situation with both children put together. Someone positioning themselves like the op isn't going to be helpful.

The last few posts revealing that this is Rude 's pet topic and that she's posted similar threads before are enlightening but unsurprising! Some people love nothing more than to get people to sneer and gape with them at whatever group they love to be disgusted by, claiming to be concerned if called out on it.

OP - you are getting such a hard time here because so many people are emotional about food. Hence the Mumsnet special of 'tee he's, it's just me in the house, shall I eat that sorren loaf all to myself ?'. The correct response is 'go for it' as anything else is fat-shaming.

That girl had food issues. Her mum probably doesn't want to say to her to stop, in case she causes a problem. However, being that fat is a. issue and is sounfair on the child. You would restrict your pet's food if they ate like that, so why not your child? It's so cruel to not teach them good food habits.

FWIW - we have friends with overweight kids and yes, they are allowed much more sweets, frubes, junk than ours are. Their mum does say that one boy is a stocky build but still buys the grab bags and there's always frubes in the fridge as 'the kids like them'. I can't say anything but that child is not naturally 'stocky' he just overeats.

spring my mother is just like the op. If she's bumped into an old acquaintance the first thing she tells you about is their weight, in detail and what they are if they ate together in relation to their weight. Not where they are living/ working/ whether their families are well etc.

All her children have eating disorders - anorexic sister nearly died as a teen. Older siblings hid youngest's bulemia and drug problems.

She's still the same. Weight and food intake are fascinating to her and what she judges everyone on, but especially females. She loves to congratulate herself on not having got fat like X (who isn't fat) and inviting people to gossip with her on what people are and whether they've put on weight (since she last saw them in 1987...)

It's destructive and does not in any way help anyone.

So yes, people are emotional about it.

The poisonous gleefully judgemental tone of the op is sickeningly familiar.

I wonder if the similar threads are about the same child and she has changed the age to avoid being outed?

I suppose it depends how underweight they are Giles. I'm sure people must've thought I was starving DS1 when he was a child. This is not a misuse of the word literally: he appeared, and still does, to be literally skin and bone.

I guess it's also more likely to be that people assume an underweight chikd is perhaps really really fussy or sick.

Obviously an overweight child could also be sick however when they are seen tucking into massive portions most people are going to assume they just eat to much.

Clearly both have equally upsetting and dangerous issues and one would hope that both wpuld receive the help and support and family suport they need

Because of DS1, if I see a severely underweight child, I tend to assume that they have cystic fibrosis, but I never ask in case I'm wrong. If I see a severely overweight child, I tend to assume that they eat shit. DD2 has a belly, but doesn't look overweight anywhere else, I don't really know if it's a problem or not.

evil

There was a thread recently actually where a toddler had a distended tummy think they were ceoliac in the end.

Are there circumstances/symptoms besides the big tummy? Some people/kids just store their fat on their tummy.

Gileswithachainsaw that's what I was like as a child and I have coeliac disease. I had a big pot belly, not overweight anywhere else. I was white as a sheet too, malnourished due to not absorbing the nutrients I needed. I remember when I wasn't hungry at a party (didn't eat much as I was so I'll all the time) a woman said "you must eat something with a belly the size of yours." It stuck with me forever and I'm still paranoid about my tummy! I've never worn a bikini in my life!

Red DD's very white too, I never even considered coeliac!

Dd funnily enough as a baby had a massive tummy. She Was tiny had literally no fat on her at all and had a massive tummy. Nurse told me preemies had bigger tummies but she was not really a preemie. Turned out to be cmpi her tummy shrank and stopped being so bloated and tight as soon as she was on the right milk soon became soft squishy and chubby instead