To think this is too much food!

[Rudedog]

So one of DDs friends moved away and they have been home for weekend and today - so we have been out for tea before they travelled home, to TGI Fridays.

So it's me and DD, DDs friend, her mum and younger sister.
Another friend and mother came too.

I've been shocked by DDs friend weight gain over the last year, it's gotten worse and now I can see the cause. She is 8 and this is what she was allowed to order for dinner....

From the adult menu - mozzarella sticks, a half rack of BBQ ribs with fries, a massive brownie ice cream thing for pudding....
She ate all that PLUS - half of her mums onion rings, half of her mums shrimp pasta and a lot of her cheesecake
PLUS - most of her younger sisters chicken fingers and fries and ice cream (younger sister barely eats anyway)
PLUS - she asked about everyone else's dinners and were they eating them all and tried hoovering up any leftovers.

She then asked about getting sweets.

I've never seen an adult eat that much let alone an 8 year old. I can't believe she wasn't sick (they've got a long car journey so maybe I've spoken too soon.

Me and other parent were a bit taken a back, other parent said 'aren't you full yet?' - her mum said 'she's such a good eater and she's always hungry' - she spoke like it was a positive thing.

I never make DD clear a plate - we talk a lot about eating until we feel full.

I mean I'm not unreasonable am I that even if you child is 'hungry' you say no - it's too much food!

Sounds like the poor child is over fed and undernourished.

Thanks Polka I chose it just after we got our 2 guinea pigs. I felt like they were ruling me as they were two loony boys. (to add to my 2 human loony boys)They are nearly 4 years old now, so a bit calmer!

Is really limiting sweets a weird thing to do?
I don't think a grab bag is an appropriate size for a primary school child to eat.
Is that really sneary?

Do people just let their children eat as many as they want. Me and DH had issues with our teeth as children and don't want the same for DD. Is that somehow showing off parenting all of a sudden.

I’m always surprised by how defensive people get about overeating.

It used to be perfectly normal to be mindful about being greedy. Now it’s treated as something that is beyond anyone’s control.

I do tell my kids not to be greedy. They eat their fair share of rubbish but are encouraged to share goodies with friends, eat just enough, remember there will always be more chocolate tomorrow so no point overeating now etc

It's not smug or sneery. Obesity is a growing issue in the UK. We have lost sight of what normal food and normal portions are. It's OK for adults to kill themselves with food because that is their 'choice' but we should not be inflicting this epidemic on our children. I read today that a milk drink designed for children from Starbucks is full of sugar. This needs to stop. People who say that it's nobodies business is wrong because it affects all of us, financially, socially, emotionally.

It's incredible that the mother permitted that amount of food. If her mum isn't policing her diet, I don't know who will. And even if this was a one-off treat, it's still a deeply inappropriate amount of food for any child.

DD 10 eats as much as me, but she couldn't put away that much. Even then she goes through phases of having tiny portions. Tonight she had quarter of a pulled pork burrito. There were rice and veggies in it too.

Oh come off it OP. You knew nobody was going to say that’s a healthy amount of food for an 8 yo.
But I suspect you did know that it was going to divide posters into a big frothy mess.

Talking about it is not sneery. Heaven knows MN has influenced many changes over the years and a reminder to keep on top of things is always useful. For me anyway.

But what is sneery is the comments made at a child. The starting of a thread with no purpose other than to shock. No intent to seek advice on how to help. Or where to steer the mother for advice or suggestions on how to make the mum.see the issue.

She apparently encourages it doesn't seem bothered and in fact thinks it's fab her dd is such a good eater. That's what's sneery.

It is too much food - but I do worry there is a little exaggeration going on "half her shrimp pasta" " half her onion rings" etc. Might "a bit" or "some of" be more accurate?

My 8 yr old loves ribs & fries, and an ice cream dessert, and also loves onion rings. I'd let them try "a bit" of my pasta, and take my onion rings, we would never have them at home so it would be an unusual treat. Slightly baffled her mum ordered seafood pasta & it came with onion rings, tho

The eating leftovers thing - rude to ask other diners, but I bet everyone has picked at their children's leftover nuggets or whatever in a restaurant situation?

My DC is verging on too skinny, so no one will accuse me of child abuse for letting them eat ribs off the adult menu at 8. But if the girl is obese, it's different of course.

I'd say the mum in question had no choice but to brush off with a "healthy appetite" comment - was she supposed to discuss her DD's weight gain/obesity at the table with the poor girl listening?

She's given you an opening to show she knows and she's worried- the uniform. So discuss that, privately, with a "I must admit I was a bit surprised how your DD was at TGI - she seemed a bit obsessed and obviously she needs to not gain any more weight until her height has caught up" and go from there.

I bet your friend is not as dismissive as you think - perhaps she hides her struggles with seeming over confident?

I doubt anyone would sit there and watch a child eat all that and not inwardly think it was too much and that the mother should have stepped in to stop her.

If you are concerned then please speak to the mother.
A lot, in fact the majority, of people do not realise that you should be able to see the ribs on children until puberty. Growth spurt included.
You are right to be concerned, you just need to figure how the mother is going to take any negative connotations to her child’s diet.
Good luck.

Talking about it is not sneery.

Absolutely. But peppering it with "My DD does this, my DD eats this" can come across that way.

I'm a greedy eater. I've comfort eaten since I was a little girl and could easily move into the 'obese' or 'overweight' category if I was less conscious about my diet and exercise. Some people naturally use food as a comfort and I honestly believe that if my DCs were over-eating regularly I'd try to help them regulate their food intake (and help them make better choices). I don't limit foods, I don't ban anything and I never use the words "diet" or "fat". But I do teach them what their bodies need to be strong and healthy, and I think that what we teach children about "good" food versus "bad" food can get them into that whole shame cycle of hiding or denying what they're eating/what they've eaten and I don't like it. Nutrition is more than simply cutting out "bad" foods.

It's always taboo on here OP...to express any shock at this kind of thing.

I think that's part of the problem in terms of the obesity epidemic.

We're not allowed to SAY anything.

I agree with you...it's bizarre and unhealthy. We had a Father and his DD come to stay with us for two weeks and the sheer amount of food they packed away was mind blowing.

Portions were HUGE and they ALWAYS ate three meals a day no matter how little we'd done....cooked breakfast, large cooked lunch and massive dinner....plus snacks in between.

People need to adjust their thinking.

Sorry to be flippant but she sounds a bit like the very hungry caterpillar.... was it on Saturday?

Ridiculous amount of food and hardly surprising we have an issue with childhood obesity! It’s cruel really.

Just playing devils advocate here.....

1/2 a rack of ribs isn’t that much. Is it? Really?

I could tuck away a starter, a main and a pudding. No problem. I have always had a huge appetite and people are surprised how much I can put away, considering I’m so small.

I know it’s quite a bit for an 8 year old. But not every child in primary has a small appetite.

My 2 can tuck away a huge adult portion, but playing football twice a week helps, plus they are slim.

I agree OP, that is child neglect and I don't get all the stick you're getting. If you'd talked about swearing in front of the kids or bad manners, you would have got a different reaction.

Too many people in the UK are afraid to tell a child to stop eating or that their portion is too much in case they cause 'issues'. But it's just part of responsible parenting to teach your child what a 'healthy' amount of food is. And what manners are.

Absolute joke that people think this is fine and normal and you should mind your own business! This country is eating itself to death but sparing people's feelings is more important than teaching healthy habits.
It is abusive. It's far more loving to say to a child 'no, that's enough. You don't need to eat anymore' than turn a blind eye to overeating and the development of a terrible relationship with food.
Honestly cannot believe what I read on here sometimes.

Never mind how much she ate, how did you split the bill

I agree with you...it's bizarre and unhealthy

But, MrsOverTheRoad, not one person has said that it is normal and healthy.

Posters are questioning the OP’s motive in posting about her “shock”.

It comes across as a thinly veiled attempt at fat shaming the child and judging her mother a bad parent. And maybe she is, and maybe she’s not - who knows what’s going on there. However, treating her friend’s child’s eating like it’s a freak horror show is beyond the pale.

@bimbobaggins shhhhh I'm saving that for another thread....

My sister has that attitude with my nephews. She goes bananas if they dont clear their plates and then they get all sorts of snacks.

I know most people will say yabu but they are doing that child no favours by not reigning her in. You dont let a child eat what they want indiscriminately.

I am sick of all this talk about 'fat shaming'. It's a stupid, flippant response to an incredibly serious issue.

See that's not helping is it rude

This is why people are questioning your motives here.

If it is as you say and that 8 yr old child can not fit into uniform then she is seriously seriously overweight. Uniform comes up huge and that's on standard fit let alone the plus fit now available.

That poor child is in some serious trouble right now.

So, I ask again, are you planning on saying anything? Or continuing to just make silly comments and/or just carry on with the snide remarks every time you eat out