To think this is too much food!

[Rudedog]

So one of DDs friends moved away and they have been home for weekend and today - so we have been out for tea before they travelled home, to TGI Fridays.

So it's me and DD, DDs friend, her mum and younger sister.
Another friend and mother came too.

I've been shocked by DDs friend weight gain over the last year, it's gotten worse and now I can see the cause. She is 8 and this is what she was allowed to order for dinner....

From the adult menu - mozzarella sticks, a half rack of BBQ ribs with fries, a massive brownie ice cream thing for pudding....
She ate all that PLUS - half of her mums onion rings, half of her mums shrimp pasta and a lot of her cheesecake
PLUS - most of her younger sisters chicken fingers and fries and ice cream (younger sister barely eats anyway)
PLUS - she asked about everyone else's dinners and were they eating them all and tried hoovering up any leftovers.

She then asked about getting sweets.

I've never seen an adult eat that much let alone an 8 year old. I can't believe she wasn't sick (they've got a long car journey so maybe I've spoken too soon.

Me and other parent were a bit taken a back, other parent said 'aren't you full yet?' - her mum said 'she's such a good eater and she's always hungry' - she spoke like it was a positive thing.

I never make DD clear a plate - we talk a lot about eating until we feel full.

I mean I'm not unreasonable am I that even if you child is 'hungry' you say no - it's too much food!

Way too much food and sad if the little girl is already over weight. Hopefully the mum wakes up before the weight impacts her health.

Of course it's too much food! But this is Mumsnet, so of course you'll be told off for "being snidey" and "sticking your nose in"

Lots of kids have a huge increase in appetite & weight gain before a major growth spurt - especially around the 8-10 year group. Commenting isn’t very nice, particularly if the child is over-eating as a way of dealing with emotional issues.

It's way too much food and child obesity is not something we should mind our own business about, it's a growing problem (excuse the pun). Yanbu to be shocked at that op, I would be too.

The OP read as rude and judgmental to me I'm afraid.

The only thing I think it's fair you were a bit about is her trying to hoover uo other people's food when they aren't finished. That's rude and the mum should be putting a stop to that.

Otherwise I think beak out.

Though I don't think her weight gain is your business I do have a few questions if you're concerned.
Did she make multiple trips to the toilet?
Did she drink a lot of fluid?
If so she may be suffering from bulimia ( my friend began at 8 so it hapoens).
If not she may be struggling with the move and developed a binge eating strategy of dealing with her emotions and stress.

Poor child must be having a rough time.

what did you want from this thread? advice on how to approach the mum about it? she will HATE it if you mention it but I don't think your conscience will allow you to stay quiet much longer.

If I had a friend with one daughter who massively overate (and it can't be a one off if she's that big) and another daughter who barely ate at all, I would be worried about eating disorders and wonder if they were going through a difficult time as a family. I don't think YABU at all.

But I might be over sensitive to this as I have an eating disorder and fear my children are/will be the same.

My kids are unbelievably picky eaters (sensory issues due to autism), but when we’re out for a meal (rarely) they can choose what they want as it’s a treat, at home I’m much stricter about what they eat.

I wouldn’t judge based solely on one meal out. You do come across as very snide in your posts, I’m not sure it was intentional, but it does come over that way.

I'm a size 22 adult and wouldn't eat that much. I definitely wouldn't allow a child to eat that much...I wouldn't say anything about the weight of a child (including my own) but I would just tell them it's impolite to eat other's food even if they're not eating it all.

I'd expect my child to only eat what they ordered for themselves TBH and at 8 I wouldn't be ordering from the adult menu.

These patterns started before they left - the younger one has never really eaten. She is very small.
I know she was eating full adult takeaways several nights a week before she left as her mum hates to cook for them.

No - she went to the toilet twice and one of those was when she arrived. I didn't notice she drank much at all.
She LOVES food, like really loves it, will eat anything at all.
I had trouble getting her to come to our house before they left as I limit sweets etc and she wasn't happy about it so didn't want to come.

I hate the food police.

Wow that's lots of food. I'd be cross about if my child were asking from people's left overs or hovering over the food they were eating - too me that rude.

That is a seriously unhealthy amount and type of food for one meal for a child of that age add in the scavenging of food from other people and it takes it into worrying territory. It seems the child and her sister already have issues with food, one eating anything and everything, the other barely eating.

Is this a recent phenomenon?

A meal out is hardly the time to worry about a diet.
I had trouble getting her to come to our house before they left as I limit sweets etc and she wasn't happy about it so didn't want to come She knew you had sweets and didn’t want to come because of that? Much more likely she wouldn’t come because she’s picked up on you judging what she eats.

Not sure what you want out of this thread aside from sanctimonious mithering about how 'shocked' you are.

There's your answer then, OP, the mum hates cooking and is happy for them to live on takeaways, snacks and sweets, there are definitely food issues within the family and it starts with the mum.

I'd worry she's not being fed properly at home, if she gorges on food it may be because they don't eat often (you said mum doesn't like to cook?)

It does sound like a lot and the child is putting on weight. Cause and effect. Not your business though.

I'm shocked at how apt your user name is.

You're just the type of person I try to avoid.

@NewBrian I wouldn't let her have a whole grab bag of hairibo so she wouldn't come again.
I couldn't let her have that and then say no to DD

I do limit sweets, I'm concerned for DDs teeth and it's my house my rules!
I don't allow any children that come to eat whatever they want just so they don't feel 'judged'.

Well yes, it's obviously too much food.

But what is the point of your thread?

Your house, your rules. Her choice not to like your rules and not go. HTH.

Yes it absolutely is way too much of the completely wrong type of food for a young girl.