To think this is too much food!

[Rudedog]

So one of DDs friends moved away and they have been home for weekend and today - so we have been out for tea before they travelled home, to TGI Fridays.

So it's me and DD, DDs friend, her mum and younger sister.
Another friend and mother came too.

I've been shocked by DDs friend weight gain over the last year, it's gotten worse and now I can see the cause. She is 8 and this is what she was allowed to order for dinner....

From the adult menu - mozzarella sticks, a half rack of BBQ ribs with fries, a massive brownie ice cream thing for pudding....
She ate all that PLUS - half of her mums onion rings, half of her mums shrimp pasta and a lot of her cheesecake
PLUS - most of her younger sisters chicken fingers and fries and ice cream (younger sister barely eats anyway)
PLUS - she asked about everyone else's dinners and were they eating them all and tried hoovering up any leftovers.

She then asked about getting sweets.

I've never seen an adult eat that much let alone an 8 year old. I can't believe she wasn't sick (they've got a long car journey so maybe I've spoken too soon.

Me and other parent were a bit taken a back, other parent said 'aren't you full yet?' - her mum said 'she's such a good eater and she's always hungry' - she spoke like it was a positive thing.

I never make DD clear a plate - we talk a lot about eating until we feel full.

I mean I'm not unreasonable am I that even if you child is 'hungry' you say no - it's too much food!

I understand TGI's is addictive (I'm quite addicted to their Jack Daniels wings myself) but this is too much food for an 8 year old considering it's all fried or heavily sauced foods. If it were healthy foods I guess our opinions on here would be totally different which I totally get. We don't know the full circumstances regarding this meal but I understand your shock with how much this child is consuming.

My DC, 9, does at some meals out eat me, I think DC have fits and starts of eating loads, so that alone wouldn't worry me. If she has weight issues that is a more serious issue, maybe you could try and talk to mum? But be prepared for it to go badly even if you are right as weight/food is a very emotive issue.

It is awful Beez. A girl I worked with had a son with the condition - he was constantly hungry, and she had to have a fridge she could lock, also all of her Christmas cupboards. However there are many symptoms - including a very distinctive facial appearance, and delayed physical and mental development - and it is very unlikely that her GP wouldn't have picked it up.

I'm actually quite shy and not confrontational - it would be very very hard for me to say something to someone especially not being completely sure I was right

People never tell their children off for being greedy anymore.

PW is a serious genetic condition and yes, it comes with learning difficulties and low muscle tone, among other symptoms.

@Tinycitrus

People never tell their children off for being greedy anymore. 

No they don't. We mustn't offend anyone!

If we can’t openly discuss weight and eating issues relating to children (and adults) then frankly we have no hope as a society of beating obesity!

If the OP had started a thread about witnessing the physical abuse of a child, would everyone be telling her to mind her own business and stop being snide?!

I find this attitude of “food police” and each to their own when trying to discuss the genuinely relevant and serious issue of obesity etc really sad.

It should be something that we can raise a discussion about without fear of condemnation for doing so.

Do you tell other peoples kids off for being greedy then?

*kitchen cupboards, not Christmas cupboards . . . .

You have NO WAY of knowing whether there is abuse going on and it's ridiculous to suggest you do

op

If you are genuine about being worried perhaps I'd start by inviting her out just the two of you. If she cabt find uniform she already knows there's an issue.hacubg another chikd who doesn't eat just be stressful too she must have alot on so if begin with an "is everything ok" angle

But please. Only of you care and plan on actually helping her. Don't just fish for gossip

Yes, it's far too much food.

But it sounds like her mother is pleased that she eats so much, and she probably likes her mother's praise. So she's defining herself as "the good eater".

Really fucked up. And I know this from my own experience.

(By the way, I don't think you or your friend did anything wrong commenting on how much the child ate. It's called the reality principle. At some point, reality is going to burst in).

Years ago I took my then 13 yo daughter there and we shared one of those brownie ice cream things - we couldn't finish it. I think your friend's daughter does seem to have a huge appetite, but it was rude of your other friend to pass comment. TBH I would've been tempted to say the same thing but we need to remember that everybody's standards differ and a wise mouth is a closed mouth.

It IS abuse to let your child get that fat

Yeah that's pretty hideous. I worry about my DSD eating similar amounts to be honest. My husband doesn't seem too concerned and she's stick thin so I try not to say much.

How on earth would you know tccat? A professional wouldn't allege abuse from the information here, let alone a GF

What size Clothing is She in if the mum can't find any that fits and she's in primary still?

Asd and adhd often go hand in hand with eating far too much or not enough. It's because of the way impulse control area of the brain is wired up differently. Mostly they will over eat but there are the forgot to eat types of people with these disabilities also. Which are genetic ofcourse-maybe mum can't cope with organisational aspect of meal planning/following a reciepe- and shockibgly under diagnosed in female (most people aren't even aware pf how these present differently in females). Combined with societal pressures on girls bodies and the low self esteme that comes with undiagnosed developmental disabilities and the risk of addiction problems for unmedicated adhd and there's a perfect reciep for eatong disorders right there.

However i don't believe this happened. Dm bait imho.

@Gileswithachainsaw she isn't fussed the younger one doesn't eat much, genuinely.

She very much gives the vibe of 'that's the way they are' - one eats and one doesn't, she does not seemed concerned by it.

She does seem to think how much her DD eat is good, especially as she isn't fussy about what it is.
She would equally eat steamed salmon and vegetables as ribs.

My ds both have massive appetites but there is no way I'd have let them eat so much food.

DS2 and I went away for a few days recently and we ate out a few times. I was shocked at how much some people eat. Some people are killing themselves with food.

I think it should not matter to you to worry about other's child.

Tbf TGI’s food can be delicious (depending on what you get), maybe her mum just saw it as a treat for her daughter and to have what she likes? And she’s more reserved at home

It does sound like a lot, but then again it’s from your biased recollection

Not fussed or just exhausted and given up?

There's no denying that the logistics of keeping an over eater in check along side trying to allow a fussy water access to a range of foods and combinations to try all whilst not making food an issue for either, would Perplex most people.

She could be extremely overwhelmed and distressed about it all

How can doing that to your child not be abusive? deliberately setting them up for bullying and health issues?
As a parent you are responsible for the health of your child, and letting them dig their own grave with their knife and fork is abuse
To be so fat you can't fit into your school uniform because your parents won't monitor what you eat is abuse , I say won't not can't because nobody is that thick that they can't see their child is obese