To think this is too much food!

[Rudedog]

So one of DDs friends moved away and they have been home for weekend and today - so we have been out for tea before they travelled home, to TGI Fridays.

So it's me and DD, DDs friend, her mum and younger sister.
Another friend and mother came too.

I've been shocked by DDs friend weight gain over the last year, it's gotten worse and now I can see the cause. She is 8 and this is what she was allowed to order for dinner....

From the adult menu - mozzarella sticks, a half rack of BBQ ribs with fries, a massive brownie ice cream thing for pudding....
She ate all that PLUS - half of her mums onion rings, half of her mums shrimp pasta and a lot of her cheesecake
PLUS - most of her younger sisters chicken fingers and fries and ice cream (younger sister barely eats anyway)
PLUS - she asked about everyone else's dinners and were they eating them all and tried hoovering up any leftovers.

She then asked about getting sweets.

I've never seen an adult eat that much let alone an 8 year old. I can't believe she wasn't sick (they've got a long car journey so maybe I've spoken too soon.

Me and other parent were a bit taken a back, other parent said 'aren't you full yet?' - her mum said 'she's such a good eater and she's always hungry' - she spoke like it was a positive thing.

I never make DD clear a plate - we talk a lot about eating until we feel full.

I mean I'm not unreasonable am I that even if you child is 'hungry' you say no - it's too much food!

The OP isn't "getting stick" because people think that's a snapshot of an ideal meal, she's "getting stick" because it's transparent that the only reason she posted was to sneer and judge and feel smug by comparison ("we talk about stopping when you feel full" and "I limit sweets" to show she's winning at parenting and her acquaintance's apparently poor parenting makes her look soooo good).

What this definitely isn't is an op wondering whether she's unreasonable to think the child ate too much.

It should be "AIBU to share this probably vastly exaggerated example of a parent allowing a child to overeat in order to position myself as superior?"

It is a health issue but that's for her own mother to sort out. Chn get weighed at school etc. it will be flagged up.

Almost a third of children aged 12 to 15 are overweight or obese. It's irresponsible parenting. Poor child.

I sat and watched a fat woman eating 27 burgers and a whole wedding cake. I watched her, wearing my size 6 skinny jeans and nibbling a lettuce leaf. I limit cake. AIBU to think the fat woman was eating too much?

It's exactly the same. There's no concern for the child, it's just pointing and sneering and affirmation seeking.

It's not even AIBU to talk to my friend about her dd's eating, which might at least be up for discussion.

I get very tired of people skirting round the elephant in the room when it comes to child obesity. It's abuse.
If a child was malnourished or neglected everyone would be judging .

I don't think the op is judging so much as shocked.

My ds1 (9) is a huge eater...he eats about the same as me, if not a bit more. He'll from the adult menu and could easily put away an adult portion of ribs and chips, followed by dessert as a treat. But he'd be stuffed afterwards.

But the scavenging others leftovers is just odd - I don't see how it's physically possible to put away such a huge amount of food unless she has a medical condition.

@Evelynismyspyname I don't think I am winning at parenting at all

Even my own parents limited what sugar we ate for the sake of our teeth - I would say that's a pretty low level of parenting - if that's winning to you, I think you have poor expectation of parenting

I'm fairly easy going as far as food goes especially - DD doesn't have the best nor the worst diet going.
I think checking they are full before finishing (especially if asking for pudding) is normal isn't it?

And why bother posting - just to check I'm not mad. Sometimes DD surprises me and eats a lot, but obviously not that much.

I used to binge eat everyday and even I would have struggled to get through all that in one sitting. Even as a one-off, that's full blown binge eating, not just a really big meal. For a child it's crazy, and yes, worrying. Especially the fact she thought it was acceptable to ask non-family members for their food, while they were still eating it no less.

Between the daughter who's binge eating and the daughter who's barely eating, I'd assume they have some very messed up dynamics when it comes to food at home. Whether I'd try and reach out to my friend about it would depend on what kind of friendship it was though.

I would wonder if she had a medical condition e.g. Prader-Willi Syndrome - but there are a lot of other symptoms associated with this very distressing condition, and would be surprised if she would have gone undiagnosed.

MN food threads are my favourite. Especially those about feeding children. MN kids eat either quinoa and half a rocket leaf or three McDonald's washed down with boiled sweets and squash.

It is a bit unpleasant to talk about kids who are not yours, especially when gloating. Your kids eat really well and you limit sweets and this terrible mum doesn't.

It is a bit of a horrible thread. She's
A child. We don't know what's going on in their lives.

It’s irresponsible to allow a child to eat that much. YANBU.

Come off it OP, you posted to feel superior and expected everyone else to agree with you. You’re so keen on ensuring everyone knows “my house, my rules” while disparaging her parenting. You don’t sound like a friend I’d want in my life if your response is to slag off a mother and ridicule a child online!

Op i dont think your post was snide at all. What you witnessed was really shocking and im glad you posted.
The mother of this poor child is a disgrace.

Well said habibihabibi

It's a form of child abuse and should be flagged up. The op didn't fat shame the kid, she's posting relatively anonymously on mn. This will be picked up by the school I hope. It could be a symptom of underlying emotional or physical issues.

Rude your post reads as if you wrote it to be mean and to make yourself look good. I didn't say I think limiting sweets is winning, but it's a fucking horrible post which isn't an aibu, it's just a "fat people are disgusting and eat too much and I'm better than them" post. There is no way you really didn't know whether or not it was too much food.

It’s way too much food but I don’t see what you can do about it.

There are all sorts of reasons people might be concerned about the family described, but that is absolutely not what comes across, it's pure "look! Look! Isn't it disgusting!" with a side order of virtue signalling.

I would say that there are some serious parenting issues going on here that verge on child abuse. Sorry if that’s unpopular but teaching our children good eating habits is paramount to their health and well-being and not doing so could be setting up the child for serious illness and disease in the future. And of course there is a balance between healthy eating and the odd day out with treats.

But that doesn’t sound like the situation here. If she’s already finding it difficult to fit into school uniform I presume she’s obese and this is a serious situation. IMHO. And those who say stop judging to the OP are turning a blind eye to a serious health crisis in the country (and around the world for that matter).

Yes because the child obesity crisis is absolutely going to be solved by snarky posts on the internet rather than gently raising concerns with a friend.

I think there is a lot of projecting onto the OP in this thread. I would have no reason to assume any bad intentions on the OP's part. It is a shocking amount of food but I guess what OP is noticing is apparently a significant weight gain and also a shift in the child's attitude and dependence on food for reasons not related to hunger. The whole family's relationship with food seems problematic. Where is the dad? People can be very judgy on here - at both ends of the spectrum in relation to food and weight. I think you are right to be concerned obviously. It's a very delicate issue, if you feel able to broach it with the mum in private.

She isn't concerned though is she someone ?

Sucking your teeth and nudging your online mates and pointing "look at the freak!" whilst congratulating yourself on it not being you won't solve the obesity crisis. Or do people think it will? If it were that simple nobody would be fat or in any other way do or be anything that attracts mockery.

It would be interesting to know how many of the posters having a go at the OP have overweight children themselves

I reckon there are few adults who could consume such a huge amount of food but I know a couple of skinny teenagers who would consider that a snack

SilverySurfer DS1 put on weight over the summer so I encouraged more exercise and smaller portions. DD and DS2 are both bang on what they should be for their height and age.

Yes that’s too much food. Childhood obesity is everyone’s business. Why should you turn a blind eye to a child getting fatter and fatter? Who does that benefit in the long run? Who is your silence for?