To think it's inconsiderate to text someone at half 5 in the morning

[Jesstheblackandwhitecat]

Or am I being unreasonable? Not an emergency, a colleague asking me something.

I have sent messages at stupid o clock before, I usually assume that people won't have their phones on or would have them on silent until they get up. My boss sent me a drunken message on night but I didn't get it until the morning because I put my phone on silent at night. I don't understand why people have to keep there phones on all night.

gamerchick
I don't know anyone in real life who restricts texts or emails between 9 and 5.

If anyone tells me they don't like receiving messages of any kind out of "office hours", of course I would delete their number from my phone and never bother them again. In real life, people use the tools as they are designed.

But I just can't get over how easy it would be to block texts you don't want.

My phone is set to switch to DND automatically 9:30pm to 8am weekdays and 10:30pm-9am weekends.

That DND means no texts, calendar alerts or other notifications like emails or Whatsapp. It allows through starred contacts (calls only but could allow texts if I wanted) and ANY number that tries twice within 15 mins. This had to be set up once And then covers my sleeping needs for all time. Anyone can get hold of me by calling twice and if they only call once it's very unlikely to be an emergency, but people like my elderly Grandma get through if they call even once.

Problem solved!

I receive emails on my phone in exactly the same way as texts and would never assume that the emails would only be sent at convenient times.

Nah, I wouldn't text someone at that hour unless I knew they were awake. I'm often up at that hour with DC and I wouldn't dream of it unless it was an absolute emergency.

After 10pm and before 7am is a rule of thumb for me, unless the person I'm contacting is a shift worker or something. At weekends I wouldn't message before 9am.

It's just being considerate.

That's the point, I keep my phone on silent, so texts, emails and whatsapp etc are not inconvenient, I expect to receive them 24h a day when it suits the sender.

That’s good to know. If I knew you, I’d keep that in mind.

If someone told you that receiving texts in the middle of the night or very early morning was inconvenient and annoying, would you respect that or just continue to do whatever you want? And would you actually need to be told?

I turn my phone off at 11pm and turn it on again at 7.

I think it's the phone owners responsibility to filter the noises the phone makes. My sleep pattern is early to bed, early to rise so my phone is set quiet very early, I think 8pm -6am. Friends text/WhatsApp at midnight because they are night owls. If I was worried about dependants - elderly parents or DC on school trips - I'd have a landline in the bedroom.

I’m with teentimestwo in group A.

My phone is on do not disturb 10pm-7am I love it!

I also suffer with insomnia off and on and sometimes I need to send the text so I can stop worrying about it.

I'll expand my point about 'would you phone a landline'....if the text message wakes someone up it has done the same as if you'd phoned their landline.

TheStoic you still haven't told me what time you think it's acceptable to text me this weekend

It's all very good to call people "dick", but how do you know you are not one of them exactly?

You answered for me, coddiwomple - apparently it’s never inconvenient! I know I can text you whenever I like.

so why do you call people dick and you are arguing if it's convenient to contact people 24/7?

Some posters really like to argue for the sake of arguing

Because if you can’t understand that things might be convenient for YOU at a time when most people are sleeping, but not for your recipient, then either you’re a dick or an idiot.

It just would not come into my brain that someone would be going to have their phone not on silent at night. It's as alien a thought to me as say the idea that you could send someone a letter at an inconvenient time. Because everyone of whose habits I'm aware silences their phone at night. What about in the day - lots of people can't take non-urgent calls or deal with texts while they are at work. If they had meetings it would be very unprofessional to have your phone dinging while you're in a meeting - and yet no one would say you shouldn't text someone during working hours because it's Their responsibility to ensure their phone doesn't disturb what they are doing. If that person chooses not to do that then you will do your best to remember, if they tell you, but i wouldn't assume this by any means.

It's not as simple as putting your phone on 'Do not Disturb'; I leave mine on because I have family with health issues inc ageing parents and you never know, do you?

YES IT IS THAT SIMPLE

Do Not Disturb can be configured to allow in whatever you want -
all calls
calls and texts from specific numbers
call and texts from favourites only
blah blah blah.

Try learning how to use your phone.

It is really that simple.

It's very apparent from this thread that plenty of people think its ok to text late. So you may get disturbed. If you don't want to be disturbed YOU ARE IN CONTROL OF YOUR PHONE.

YOU CANNOT CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE'S BEHAVIOUR.

TheStoic but you cannot come up with a reply telling us what time is convenient for others

Your point is to only text when it's convenient for the recipient. Fine, so what time would that be then?

I wonder if there is an age skew to this?

Are older MN more likely to be my Group A (see first page) and younger ones Group B?

I'm 50. If you don't want to be disturbed by texts, then turn the sound off. Group A.

yes, it is selfish.

my mobile is off and downstairs at night, but I know a lot of people have them surgically attached - so don't text or call unless it is a reasonable hour is the modern etiquette.

Teen - my anecdata :p would suggest it to be the other way round? (But obvs plural of anecdote is not data!) I've never met someone young so far who doesn't know about the do not disturb function, anyway!

If someone told you that receiving texts in the middle of the night or very early morning was inconvenient and annoying, would you respect that or just continue to do whatever you want? And would you actually need to betold?

Yes, I'd respect that. And yes, I'd also need to be told. Something along these lines:

A: "Sorry to be a pain but would you mind not texting at 5am? I realise you don't want a reply then, it's just I have to keep my phone on for DC/DP and it ends up waking me."
B: "Oh gosh, I'm sorry. I didn't think it would disturb you. I'll make sure I don't do it again. I hope your DC/DP are okay."

I'm in the camp that says texts/email/WhatsApp is sent when convenient and replied to when convenient. After all, not everyone lives in the UK and works 9-5. Even when they do they have different things going on. For example I wouldn't phone my mate/colleague at 7/8pm as he's doing kids' bedtimes etc. While I know that at 9.30 he's more likely to be free (though if I need to actually call rather than text I often send a message saying 'call me when you're free').

Given how many options there are for phone settings it's not unreasonable to assume people have their phone set up so they're not disturbed at the wrong time but of course if someone asks me not to try at x time I'd respect that.

Etymology Perhaps there is a peak age?

e.g. Most 55+ don't mind being texted because they have a landline and are sensible enough to turn their phones off.
35-55 do mind because they don't have landlines / can't drive their phones
under 35 don't have landlines but use all the new features on their phones so don't mind being texted either?

I don't text people and unusual times because I'm either asleep or I'm doing something fun so not wasting time on my phone.

PP who say they send text messages to avoid disturbing the recipient (rather than calling). Why not go a step further and save the message that you type at 11.45pm or 5am, and then send it at 9am ish? (or 8 if you need the recipient to see it by then)? (Assuming that to your knowledge they are in the same time zone and have a daytime job)

I think people have given some quite good explanations why 'dnd with vips able to get through' does not work for them - emergency services, hospitals etc will be blocked. And not sure that those services would try twice within 15 mins - would be interested to hear from those likely to make those calls whether they do?

I do agree that the 5.30 am texter may not actually have sent it at 5.30 am though - could well have been 8pm the previous evening! (Sometimes you can tell from the context though...)

I'm 47 and use the dnd feature. I have it set so that immediate family can still ring through and if a number rings several times in quick succession it will still ring in case it's an emergency call.

Plausible! I think I'm the only u35 I know with a landline for sure! Correlation =/= causation as obviously many people of different ages can/can't use their phones but I can imagine there could be a normal-ish distribution.

I also don't understand why the 35-55 age group is thought not to be able to use their phone? I've had a mobile phone of one sort or another for 20 years.