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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's inconsiderate to text someone at half 5 in the morning

273 replies

Jesstheblackandwhitecat · 05/11/2017 10:45

Or am I being unreasonable? Not an emergency, a colleague asking me something.

OP posts:
oklookingahead · 06/11/2017 19:37

"If anyone calls 3 times consecutively when your ‘phone is on DND, the call will come through anyway. Designed to reach someone in an emergency."

Would a hospital a and e nurse or a paramedic have time to phone 3 times in quick succession if they don't get an answer the first time? Would be interesting to hear from someone at the coal face to see if they would actually do this.

(I realise you can block texts but not calls. But then again, how long before people decide that the etiquette is that you can call at 5.30 in the morning as well because anyone who's anyone will be using "dnd except vips" for calls.)

malmi · 06/11/2017 19:54

I've got an alert set on this thread so could I please ask that nobody add comments between 10pm and 8am as it makes my phone beep. I'm sure you will all be happy to observe my preferences. I know there is a way to stop the alerts but now you all know I haven't configured this I'm sure you'll be happy to oblige.

C8H10N4O2 · 06/11/2017 20:52

So skimming through a day's posts I see that as yet none of the 5am texters have explained how we set the phone to receive emergency contacts from unknown numbers whilst blocking drivel.

Oh and someone up thread said something about using SMS as designed - it was actually developed as a shortform alerting system. I had one of the first SMS enabled phones in the early/mid 90s as part of a trial to replace pagers. So by design, its for alerts rather than pictures of your dog farting at 5am.

Blueink · 06/11/2017 20:52

It might be convenient for me to sent a text when I’m up early (often) but I wouldn’t - I would delay until a more sociable hour, unless I know for sure the other person is up early too. It’s selfish and unnecessary, without any consideration to whether or not you will disturb them. Then again, I would also check the time difference if I’m texting someone In another country.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 06/11/2017 21:08

Nope. We had a thread like this recently. There is a setting called do no disturb that way you can text at your convenience and the receiver can read at their convenience.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 06/11/2017 21:10

On the iPhone to set up priority contacts you select them as VIP.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 06/11/2017 21:12

Lol malmi Grin Technology eh! It is actually much better designed than it used to be and can pretty much cater for all requirements you just need to spend a bit of time looking at the settings.

C8H10N4O2 · 06/11/2017 21:23

ou just need to spend a bit of time looking at the settings.

Sadly the setting for 'emergency contact not in your address book' doesn't yet exist.

gamerchick · 06/11/2017 21:33

Can you not see that it is ridiculously self-absorbed and controlling to tell people they should never send texts at unsocial hours, even assuming we can agree what those are? The sender does not know who uses their phone properly and who doesn't, so if it's selfish to send a text because a recipient might not have set their phone up to correspond with their own preferences, that means they can't send texts even to people who won't be disturbed

You essentially want to partially ban use of technology for everyone, just because it inconveniences people who have it but are unwilling to learn to use it properly

You think it’s controlling to want people to have a bit of consideration in the middle of the night? Hmm you extrapolated I’m wanting to ban things from that post? Hmm

You are aware your bizarre post has created a picture of someone waking the whole house up because they want the house tidied by dawn don’t you? Like someone I would back away from in a social setting?

oklookingahead · 06/11/2017 21:36

Well, it's suggested that you block texts but not calls. Which I have to admit has a certain logic. And does address the issue of delayed texts and spam texts as well.

Or that you block calls as well, and then if someone calls from an non vip number three times (maybe twice) in quick succession it will go through anyway. That I'm not so convinced about because it just seems unlikely to me that the hospital staff or paramedics will try the number more than once in quick succession. Of course I could be wrong.

ShakespearesSisters · 06/11/2017 21:38

If you wouldn't ring at that time because you would disturb them it's common courtesy not to text either!

C8H10N4O2 · 06/11/2017 21:41

Well, it's suggested that you block texts but not calls

Problem is, the emergency call services used by the elderly family use both SMS and phone.
Every other protocol I can block off happily but not those two. SMS is quite widely used as an alerting service, which is what it was developed for and almost exclusively used for for a great many years. It replaced pagers.

Fortunately my friends and family all habitually spend the 5 seconds of effort it takes to either wait or use a messaging method which isn't widely used as an alerting system.

LurkingHusband · 06/11/2017 21:48

SMS is quite widely used as an alerting service, which is what it was developed for and almost exclusively used for for a great many years. It replaced pagers.

SMS is an unreliable service, like email. It was originally meant to carry mobile operator system messages.

C8H10N4O2 · 06/11/2017 21:51

SMS is an unreliable service

And yet when it was developed on from the very first usage in 1992 and first released commercially I was an early user of it as a replacement for pagers - it was more reliable than pagers and still is last I looked. Its still commonly used as such.

Like most recipients of such alerts, I don't get to choose the protocol, I have to be able to receive it.

oklookingahead · 06/11/2017 21:52

Looks from this thread as though they may be in a minority C8 (the family and friends who wait, I mean)! Though your post does clearly explain why even the 'block texts not calls' solution can't work for everyone.

I have been surprised at the huge majority on this thread in favour of sending texts at 5.30 am, I agree - but I think it's pretty clear that it's a losing battle!

SomewhatIdiosyncratic · 06/11/2017 21:58

I haven't investigated the DND function on my phone because the people I know are sensible enough not to text between 10pm-7am when the vast majority of people we know are likely to be asleep. The only time I can remember sending a text in the early hours of the morning was to close friends/ family announcing the nocturnal birth of baby.

My phone is set to silent/ vibrate, and for it to go off at a time when the majority of people would be expected to be asleep, I'd expect it to be for major news.

I tend to use my phone as an alarm as I got fed up of intrusive light displays on digital clocks. I was in the habit of wanting it close by in the night feeds years so that I could entertain myself without other lights on. It's still useful as a torch if a DC wakes up so I don't have to wake the other one.

Years ago, I knew that DM was happy with late night calls, in fact they were often more successful than the evening because she'd have come in. These days I have to call earlier as her routines have changed. I tend to know which friends are later/ earlier in their routines, but if I don't then 10-7 is a fairly safe bet to cover most mainstream routines.

Tippz · 06/11/2017 22:08

I don't care if anyone texts me at 5am. Bizarrely, I don't have my mobile phone in my bedroom at night. Confused

Ergo, I don't get disturbed by the text!

Have to wonder why someone would text at 5am though! Aren't most people asleep then? If I am ever up in the (very) early a.m, I wouldn't dream of sending a text to anyone.

Although, as I said, it doesn't bother me if people send them to me, as I leave my phone in my bag in the kitchen. I think I have only received a text in the small hours a couple of time though.

Most people do have the decency and common sense to text people in normal daytime hours

Have to ask, why do people take their mobile phone into their bedroom? Confused

You don't need it at night. Before mobile phones existed 15-18 years ago, you never had a phone by your side in the bedroom (and I am not going to believe everyone has/had a phone in their bedroom!)

Tippz · 06/11/2017 22:08

I mean I am not going to believe everyone has/had a LANDLINE phone in their bedroom!

Originalfoogirl · 06/11/2017 22:13

I find DND is flaky and even when set for bedtime hours, randomly stays on in the daytime. It can be days later before I realise, usually when Mr Foo says he has been trying to call. I also rarely set to silent as I always forget to switch it back and again Mr Foo thinks I am ignoring him.

That said, if I’m woken by a text when I’m sleeping, that’s my problem, not the problem of the sender.

kimchifamily · 06/11/2017 22:33

Have to ask, why do people take their mobile phone into their bedroom?

Mine comes into the bedroom as I use mine as an alarm to get up in the morning, to turn the house alarm on and off, heating up and down, lights on and off to view the cctv if there is motion by the door, among other things! so I want it incase I want to change/check any of the above in the morning or during the night!
But I have it on DND for texts and calls at night, so no issues with being woken up.

frazzled3ds · 06/11/2017 22:33

Not commenting on the original question raised, but for those frustrated by quirks of the iPhone DND - if you wish to receive texts from selected contacts even when the phone is on DND mode, go into their contact detail, then into the bit where you can set a text tone for that contact, then on the screen that comes up scroll up and you will see Emergency Bypass at the top. Turning this on for that contact will enable you to receive texts from them whilst the phone is on DND mode, adding the number to your VIP list will only allow calls to come through during DND time.

Bargainqueen · 07/11/2017 02:37

This is such a strange thread.
I'd like to know what they wanted. If it was possible that they thought you wouldn't be alerted and wanted to make sure you received it as soon as you woke- to benefit you, not them?
Do they do it all the time? If it's a one off then whats the big deal?
Have they got worries with work and they are awake, perhaps wanted to reach out to someone?
Lots of reasons for sending a 5.30am text and it's really not that early. They didn't call you.
I never turn my phone off but if a colleague messaged me once at this time, in my job I would think nothing of it other than they wanted me to get the message as soon as I woke. Actually, even if it was more than once I don't think I'd be annoyed. If I was I would tell them, or use my phone's setting to customise their details without effecting anyone else who may need to contact me.
Lots.of options, apps and reasons. All of which I can't answer LMAO.

WilyMinx · 07/11/2017 02:47

You can download a whitelist app to allow exceptions in silent mode, if your phone doesn't have this function. My phone is always on silent when I sleep, but calls from my husband, mum, and in-laws can get through.

I'm in a Whatsapp group where participants are based in the US, Europe and Asia, so it would be hard to find a mutual time where everyone is awake.

Topseyt · 07/11/2017 02:49

Tippz, my phone is an alarm clock. It also has an app for controlling the central heating. Plenty of people have those.

Therefore my phone is needed in the bedroom. Why is that so hard to understand?

Abbylee · 07/11/2017 04:52

If your dc/dh are away, it's not an option; you must be available. My dd was in two car accidents in two weeks. (Not her fault. Hit by distracted drivers at stop lights). Accidents are part of life.