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AIBU?

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Original poster

Who was bu?

251 replies

Neoflex · 04/11/2017 18:21

Today was at a couples birthing course. Paid privately, 2 days. 12 couples and two single women who then paired up.
Of the 12 couples was a lesbian couple (one pregnant and her partner). The partner complained pretty early on in the course because the midwife referred to the "dads" She requested that only birthing partner be used in the course because she felt excluded.
The midwife explained that the course was a couples course and the dads are the fathers of the children and they should feel more than just birthing partners. That they shouldn't feel excluded either.
The midwife continued to use dads for the whole day.
The lesbian partner spent the whole day huffing and rolling her eyes.
Her pregnant partner looked pretty overwhelmed by the whole experience.
Who was being unreasonable?

OP posts:
timeisnotaline · 04/11/2017 22:04

Our antenatal course had a lesbian couple. I think every single one of us would have complained if the midwife had behaved like that. Fortunately she was lovely.

JonSnowsWife · 04/11/2017 22:05

OpenThePickles you might want to try reading the thread again and then you wont come out looking a tad silly.

There was a moment before the break where the midwife asked the men to use a separate toilet down the hall from the pregnant ladies so we wouldn't have to wait

Non pregnant lady was not pregnant, men were asked to use different toilet so ladies didnt have to wait (because other toilet intended for pregnant ladies was unisex).

Lesbian partner still had a working bladder. Lesbian partner cant use unisex toilets as pregnant ladies cant wait. Cant use the other toilet as all the dads ars in they'd. Lesbian partner is then expected to what? Do a need to pee dance in between both?

Asking which toilet she was meant to use was not unreasonable or 'attention seeking'. Ridiculous statement.

JonSnowsWife · 04/11/2017 22:08

Neoflex is it possible to get there a bit earlier tomorrow? I'm just wondering in a dly way of having a coffee before the course starts and bringing on what happened today. Can bet a pound to a penny you weren't the only ones that felt the atmosphere and if you planned to all support lesbian couple should it start again it might make MW think/see she's being a bit very unreasonable.

Voice0fReason · 04/11/2017 22:09

Dad’s have a very important role in the family and that should not be forgotten.
The lesbians should have been told to quit with the disruptive eye rolling or get the fuck out.
But this course was about giving birth, not being a father. Anyone - man, woman, father, friend, can be a birthing partner. The midwife was incredibly rude.

I would be outraged if someone was calling my husband my ‘partner’
If there was a pregnant woman there accompanied by her own mum, would you expect her to be referred to as 'husband' or 'dad' so as not to offend you?

moonmaker · 04/11/2017 22:13

Wow at the post which says the lesbians should fuck off because men saved us in the ice age HmmHmm

JonSnowsWife · 04/11/2017 22:19

^Dad’s have a very important role in the family and that should not be forgotten.
The lesbians should have been told to quit with the disruptive eye rolling or get the fuck out.^

FFS. 😂

Have I walked back into the 1920s?

Dads have an important role, well, yes, so does the partner of every pregnant woman, this includes same sex partners for those of a delicate disposition.

Mumof56 · 04/11/2017 22:23

the eye rolling throughout & toilet drama makes me believe the non pregnant woman was being an arse

JonSnowsWife · 04/11/2017 22:28

Yes how arsey of her to want to be addressed as partner and not Dad? Confused

Coldilox · 04/11/2017 22:31

the eye rolling throughout & toilet drama makes me believe the non pregnant woman was being an arse

If it had been me in that situation I'd have done a lot more than roll my eyes. Are gay peopke (or in fact any minority) just meant to be grateful to be present and ignore any blatant discrimination, whatever the situation?

OpenThePickles · 04/11/2017 22:37

OpenThePickles you might want to try reading the thread again and then you wont come out looking a tad silly.

No I don't need to read the thread again, I'm very aware of what was said. You didn't answer my question...for what reason would she not use the same toilet as the other ladies? She shouldn't have had to be told. You can guarantee if she was given a different toilet she would have complained about that too.

OpenThePickles · 04/11/2017 22:39

If it had been me in that situation I'd have done a lot more than roll my eyes. Are gay peopke (or in fact any minority) just meant to be grateful to be present and ignore any blatant discrimination, whatever the situation?

Can gay people not use the same toilets as pregnant ladies? Why, what mysterious things happens?

Coldilox · 04/11/2017 22:40

Open, it's really very simple. The midwife very specifically said this toilet is for the pregnant ladies, and that one is for the men. She is neither of those things. The MW very deliberately exckuded her as she has been doing all day.

FucksakeCuntingFuckingTwats · 04/11/2017 22:40

The midwife not just to the lesbians couple but the women who were there alone who could of had a partner who had fucked off and didn't want to be a dad.

Coldilox · 04/11/2017 22:41

FFS what is wrong with my typing?

OpenThePickles · 04/11/2017 22:44

Oh actually I see the answer now.....so lesbian partners can't wait in a queue for the toilet according to you 🤔, give me strength.

SleightOfMind · 04/11/2017 22:50

That midwife was being v pissy.

It would have cost her nothing to say partner instead of dad.

There were also two single pregnant women. It would have been trying to constantly hear ‘dad’ if superdad had left you to go through pregnancy alone!

Unkindness is always UR.

JonSnowsWife · 04/11/2017 22:50

coldilox don't rise to it. It was obvious to most of us why the nonpregnant lady asked.

fucksake exactly. What if it was booked as a couple thing months ago? Then the dad runs off with the secretary but fuck it. She's paid for it so shes still going. She turns up with mum/sister/friend. What then?

PortlyWino · 04/11/2017 22:53

Open the pickles, so you think the lesbian partner was being totes unreasonable despite being totally excluded? Do you not think she might have been pissed off and wanted to make a point? I would, if in her shoes.

OpenThePickles · 04/11/2017 22:57

Open the pickles, so you think the lesbian partner was being totes unreasonable despite being totally excluded? Do you not think she might have been pissed off and wanted to make a point? I would, if in her shoes.

She has a point about the midwife not saying partner instead of dadnbut the toilet carry on is just ridiculous and it takes away from her first valid point.

Coldilox · 04/11/2017 23:05

Oh actually I see the answer now.....so lesbian partners can't wait in a queue for the toilet according to you 🤔, give me strength.

I think what I actually said was she was neither a man nor a pregnant woman, and they were the two categories the MW decided to use when assigning the toilets.

Apologies if I accidentally said something come merely different and nonsensical though.

Blondephantom · 04/11/2017 23:05

Openthepickles, there were two unisex toilets. ‘Dads’ were asked to use the further away one so as not to keep the pregnant women waiting. Partner was set up to fail. Use the nearest one ‘sorry, that is for the pregnant women. You aren’t pregnant.’ Use the other ‘that is for the Dads.’ No matter which of the toilets she went to she could be told she was wrong.

Add to this that she has probably followed instructions as one of the ‘dads’. I’m assuming she rubbed her partner’s back and supported in different positions, etc.

She isn’t a pregnant mum and she isn’t a dad. She was given no place or role. She was treated as if she had no right to be there!

I would have clarified as well if I’d been supporting a pregnant lady. Did the midwife want one toilet kept available for pregnant ladies and for everyone else to use the other unisex one or did she mean one for the men and one for the women. It really wasn’t clear from what she said!

Coldilox · 04/11/2017 23:06
  • completely
BetterEatCheese · 04/11/2017 23:11

The midwife was definitely unreasonable. It wouldn't have been difficult to say partners

ohreallyohreallyoh · 04/11/2017 23:12

And yet they chose to sign up to a COUPLES course

When was the last time you saw a course for single women on birthing issues? It is a couple's course/course for two people because by far the majority of people these days have a birthing partner regardless of whether or not they have an actual partner. Are we now saying single women, as well as lesbians, are not welcome? Should single women miss out on valuable birthing information or just make do with a quick chat with the midwife during the 2 minute check up? Is there an issue with the money of single mums? Does it not have the same value as that of an actual couple? Is it too much to expect people to be welcoming regardless of your parental status?

It's called 'othering'. They don't look like us so therefore we can bully, ignore, barely tolerate or otherwise just turn our noses up cos normal social rules don't apply.

TieGrr · 04/11/2017 23:34

MW was being a right cow. I was single when pregnant and the antenatal classes were one of the toughest parts of the whole thing. She should understand that people are in non-traditional situations and show some respect for it.

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