Who was bu?

[Neoflex]

Today was at a couples birthing course. Paid privately, 2 days. 12 couples and two single women who then paired up.
Of the 12 couples was a lesbian couple (one pregnant and her partner). The partner complained pretty early on in the course because the midwife referred to the "dads" She requested that only birthing partner be used in the course because she felt excluded.
The midwife explained that the course was a couples course and the dads are the fathers of the children and they should feel more than just birthing partners. That they shouldn't feel excluded either.
The midwife continued to use dads for the whole day.
The lesbian partner spent the whole day huffing and rolling her eyes.
Her pregnant partner looked pretty overwhelmed by the whole experience.
Who was being unreasonable?

The midwife was BU

She should've said "partners" which would include everyone.

Instructor vvv UR. As others have said I hope they complain and get a refund for being made to feel like shit. Huffing and eye rolling is a very mild reaction.

The way our society is structured makes it very very difficult for anyone having kids who isn't part of a female-male partnership, that lady didn't need to male it more so. Sad but true.

(I know this and experience it all the time. My wife had our kids, we're lesbians)

As well as birthing the next generation.

With other women supporting them during childbirth. Not men.

We are not partners in some business venture - we are husband and wife.

So because you are married to a man all the other men there should be referred to as husband?

IMO the midwife should have said "partners".

They were already pregnant, dear. No need to worry about the fate of the human race just yet.

I don't know why the single women chose the course because a lot was couples stuff, e.g. showing "dads" how to massage the mums, how to advocate for your partner etc. I can only imagined their partner dropped out at last minute. Otherwise you just wouldn't book this course.

I also asked my dh what he thought and he said he really doesn't mind what he's called.

For me, I found the atmosphere very uncomfortable at times and it was clear the lesbian partner felt unwanted in the course.

We are back there for another 8 hours tomorrow so I wonder whether they will come back at all

Babydreams-The Woman from the couple was being Unreasonable. The MW could have said Dad or Birthing Partner each time but it is a bit long winded to spend the day doing that.

'Partner' rather than 'dad' is hardly 'longwinded'!

It's not political correctness to use a word other than 'dad', it's just more factually correct, in that it includes everyone. It shouldn't be an issue at all to expect to be included. I'd complain bitterly to the course organisers and ask for my money back. Or I'd be posting some bad reviews

Am sick of this political correctness rubbish. It takes a man and a woman to make a baby.

And what about raising that baby? Only a man and a woman? No single women? No gay men or lesbians? No grandparents or adoptive parents?
How does effect you what the gender of the parents are?

Without fathers protecting and providing for their families we wouldn’t have evolved, let alone survived the ice-age.

Oh really. Just because your primary school books had picture of men going off hunting doesn't actual mean its evidenced. Unless of course you were there to provide eye witness testimony?

*It

Without fathers protecting and providing for their families we wouldn’t have evolved, let alone survived the ice-age

Why not just go the whole hog and ask why on earth lesbians (or single women for that matter) think they can have children like 'normal' people?

We have come a long, long way since the Ice Ages. Thank god.

Personally if I were one of the lesbians or the single women in that situation I would be making a formal complaint. If you can't cope with the notion that 'family' is not a one size fits all concept, you shouldn't be doing the job.

The lesbians should have been told to quit with the disruptive eye rolling or get the fuck out.

Nice attitude, Charolais.

I agree that a Dad is much, much more than a birthing partner so should be called such. It would seem much less personal to have my DH referred to as partner - Dads are Dads. And I am not keen on the word partner personally. For me, it doesn't have the 'specialness' of husband or wife.

However, if the intention was to make sure the fathers really engage with the experience and transition to fatherhood (because we all know that some fathers just don't do that) that need not be done at the expense of the lesbian parent.

She could have easily said Dad and Mum. its a shame that she could not be more flexible and really it should have been thought about beforehand.

We are not partners in some business venture - we are husband and wife.

My partner and I have a child. He is not my husband. Marriage is a kind of partnership. Grow up.

Midwife should be reprimanded and made to resign from teaching the course. She not only was being homophobic, but was making the single women feel unwelcomed.
What if the father has walked out or had dies? An the woman expecting had brought her mum, or friend as their birthing partner or what if someone had chosen to have someone other than the Dad as their birthing partner anyway?
Plenty of other options and she should of corrected her behaviour the soon as it was pulled up on.
Partner would be sufficient no need t say birthing partner each time.
I would be making a complaint even if the comments weren’t directed at me.

For me, I found the atmosphere very uncomfortable at times and it was clear the lesbian partner felt unwanted in the course.

That’s so sad OP. Do you think you’re going to say anything to the course organiser/midwife?

"he said he really doesn't mind what he's called."

That might be useful when you're in labour

Midwife was wrong, partner to refer to the non pregnant part of a couple is surely fine.

I don't know why the single women chose the course because a lot was couples stuff, e.g. showing "dads" how to massage the mums, how to advocate for your partner etc

Gosh, yes, how dare they have an expectation that they receive support during their births? They couldn't possibly pass on information to a birthing partner? Maybe realise that walking into a group of couples on your own takes guts and be inclusive, welcoming and supportive rather than sneezy and exclusive? Why is birth only for couples?

Lesbian mum here. On our NCT course the leader referred to pregnant mums and partners. Before the first class she spoke to my wife (I was the pregnant one) and asked if she was ok grouping with the dads when we were put into two groups of pregnant mums and partners, as she didn't want her to feel uncomfortable (she was fine with it, it was appropriate). Had she insisted on only using mums and dads despite it making us uncomfortable we'd have left the course and insisted on getting our money back.

Never once did we have to put up with this shit. The midwife was massively unreasonable

And I am not keen on the word partner personally. For me, it doesn't have the 'specialness' of husband or wife.

It’s partner in the context of birthing partner, not marriage status. Plenty of the men there will not have been husbands so husband is entirely innapropriate. The people there were there as birthing partners, that is what they should be referred to. Marital status irrelevant.

*I would be outraged if someone was calling my husband my ‘partner’.

We are not partners in some business venture - we are husband and wife*

I'm sorry you're so insecure in your marriage that such semantics can cause such ire.

The midwife was being absolutely unreasonable. "Partner" would simply encompass anyone who was present at the birth without causing any exclusions

And I am not keen on the word partner personally. For me, it doesn't have the 'specialness' of husband or wife

I have a partner. I'll never get married again. It's just as much a relationship as a marriage

I cannot imagine someone being so insecure in their heretrosexual marriage that they would object to the use of the word ‘partner’ as an inclusive catch-all.

Unless of course they were homophobic / backward enough to object to gay or unmarried couples having babies.