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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset friends didn't invite me out?

182 replies

Ilovecoleslaw · 04/11/2017 17:41

Gone shopping with my two best friends today which has been planned for a while.
Everything was going fine, normal chit chat until friend 1 mentions she went out last night and that she met a guy. Later on I ask about the guy and whether she took him home to which she said 'No, friend 2 was the only one in my bed last night.' And then says whoops and looks at friend 2.
I say thanks for the invite, where friend 2 doesn't mutter a word and friend 1 says 'well you were driving today'.
Now I'm not sure whether I'm being unreasonable in being upset over it. There's never been a time that I know of where one the three of us hasnt been invited out if the others were. They both knew I was free last night but clearly didn't want me to join them, which I feel really upset about.
The day shopping hasn't felt like we've been together at all. When I've wanted to go into any shops, they've gone into separate ones together, which I'd also wanted to go into, and said for me to go into the ones I want on my own.
I've had problems with both of them in the past and this has really got to me. Problems being friend 1 telling my now partner I was raped before I told him. Friend 2 telling me to get over my miscarriage and hers was worse because hers looked like a baby and mine supposedly didn't.
I really don't have a problem with them doing things together without me, they often go for coffees together etc, but it feels strange that we all planned today together but they didn't want to invite me out last night.
Please give me some advice mumnetters :(

OP posts:
sanddune11 · 04/11/2017 20:11

That's the one stealth, it wasn't that long ago either. They said there was no room for the ops case or something.

DamsonGin · 04/11/2017 20:14

I'd leave it and block them. If you see them and they ask then tell them straight but don't seek them out. I know its bad form but I just did a search and found your past thread following your miscarriage. Based on that response, I think if you confront your 'friends', they'll just turn it round and try and make you feel shit about it all. You don't need them in your life Flowers

DamsonGin · 04/11/2017 20:16

Did they even share the donuts with you?

Floellabumbags · 04/11/2017 20:17

Leave it. Move on. No more lifts, no more watching them cop off, no more carrying them home when they've popped a pill. You'll meet other people who won't be total arseholes.

Beachmummy23 · 04/11/2017 20:19

Miscarriages are horrific at any stage. I’m sorry for your loss. These people are not friends. Time to get rid x

PovertyPain · 04/11/2017 20:19

I don't think that was a slip of the tongue, OP. That arsehole let you know, so she could stick the knife in. If they were in any way concerned about you they would have went out of their way for you, to make it up to you. Instead they just treated you as a taxi driver. I bet they didn't give you a penny towards the petrol, did they? They're two scumbags and you'd be better if without them. Look at it this way. You're young and there's loads of groups and activities you Dan join, to make new friends. While you're friends with these two, you'll not put in the effort to widen your friendship circle, as you rely on them.

SwimmingInLemonade · 04/11/2017 20:20

They sound utterly horrible. Having no friends is better than having fake friends. Lose their numbers and join meetup, this passive-aggressive non-friendship is soul destroying.

Breadwithgarlicon · 04/11/2017 20:22

OP, if it helps, you could see this as a rite of passage as most of us have had similar experiences at some time or another and maybe, you'll eventually be all the better for it. It might also help to know that they must be v unhappy people to be treating you like this - happy people just don't behave like this.

Stay generous and warm hearted, but with boundaries and you'll be fine.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 04/11/2017 20:23

I wasted too long with bitches like this because I had no self esteem. Now I see what a waste that was. They are using you when it suits them. Please, ditch them, and be prepared for them to make out it's you being unreasonable. Deep down, they won't give a shit so why should you. Be strong, dump them, join a club, meet new friends. You are worth more than this.

aaaaargghhhhelpme · 04/11/2017 20:24

Oh op. It hurts to realise your friends have been using you Flowers

I mean this in the least patronising way but you're 21 - the world is your oyster (I would kill to be 21 again!) you have so many opportunities - people to meet - places to go - hobbies to try. Get out there. You sound lovely. You will meet people naturally with similar hobbies/outlook. and they're bound to be a hell of a lot nicer than these two

Take care of yourself

user1471596238 · 04/11/2017 20:33

Wow, if it was me, I would cease all communication. They do not deserve your time.

NoodleNinja · 04/11/2017 20:33

It's hard to just move on from them if they are your only friends but I would honestly suggest trying to branch out and find more friends and then ditch those two who can then fuck off together.

AMagdalena · 04/11/2017 20:46

Erm...they're not your friends not because they didn't invite you out.
They've done far worse by the sounds of it.

Wellandtrulyoutnumbered · 04/11/2017 20:51

They are treating you awfully. There would be no friendship after what they have said and done to you.

Do you have low self esteem issues? Do you have other friends?

BMW6 · 04/11/2017 20:54

Another thought - I suspect you have low self-esteem, but these "friends" are not raising your self-esteem are they. Every time they hurt you they are making it lower.
Break the cycle - break all contact with them, get counselling for your issues. Take time and trouble with yourself, not people who are simply horrible.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 04/11/2017 20:56

Ah Lovey, you're far too nice for these two. Ditch the bitch(es). They're not friends they're nasty bitches who are using you.

You're just 21. Your whole wonderful life ahead of you...the world is full of amazing people you haven't yet met. Get out there, I know it's a cliché but join some groups, take up a sport or hobby etc, you'll make friends. Nice friends.

Don't make a big drama about ditching them, just don't instigate anything & be 'busy' when they next suggest you ferry them around go out with them.

BewareOfDragons · 04/11/2017 21:04

I sincerely hope you left them there to find there own way home.

They're not your friends. They're treating you like the chauffeur ... good enough to drive them, but not go out with them, shop with them, eat with them ... Nice.

AcrossthePond55 · 04/11/2017 21:18

Bin both of them, no explanations required. Fuck 'em.

Lovemusic33 · 04/11/2017 22:44

I used to be taxi driver to my so called best friend, she then started inviting other people (no drivers) along. She's no longer my friend, I got pissed off with being used as a taxi service.

Ditch them and find new friends, it's better to have no friends than have shit friends like them.

KeepItAsItIs · 04/11/2017 22:49

Delete and block them. These people are NOT your friends. You are young, you will make friends that will value you.

I had 'friends' that started doing shit like this. Literally running away from me on a shopping trip. We were on holiday at the time so not juch I could do but I cut contact as soon as we got back.

OliviaStabler · 04/11/2017 22:52

You are being used. Break off both so called friendships and find new friends. It is possible to meet new people, people who will become friends and not treat you like shit.

Fishface77 · 04/11/2017 23:00

Op I'll try and give you some words of wisdom that I wish someone had given me when I was 21.

You are worth so much more.
There's a whole world out there and a hell of a lot of people and you can make of it what you will.

RebeccaNoodles · 04/11/2017 23:34

Poor you, that’s horrible. But you’re well rid.

Personally I would not have it out with them. The less drama the better as they sound like the types who would turn nasty if you confronted them, Just be busy and phase them out gradually. You can stay civil, just don’t make plans again.

Good luck and enjoy your future nicer times with better friends. Smile

Spacey25 · 05/11/2017 02:25

Hey OP.

Please ditch these friends, as horrible as it is to realise, they are probably just using you. Don’t contact them to tell them how upset you are, simply stop contact. Hopefully they will eventually figure it out if they ever stop thinking about themselves long enough to realise. The problem is not you and please don’t let them make you think that it is. It’s easy to think like that when two people gang up on you. Honestly a life without friends is better than being with people who make you feel small and walked over. What kind of friends sit in a car for two hours in silence, it just sounds so awkward 🤷🏻‍♀️And the miscarriage comment actually knots my stomach up. Such a horrible thing to say. Get yourself out there, do some voluntary work, go on a course or something, meet new people and make new friends.

pringlecat · 05/11/2017 04:57

It's better having no friends rather than shit friends.

I know finding new friends seems terrifying, but the thought is always harder than the reality.

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