AIBU to not want to be called by my nick name by a man

[Snafu1988]

There is this guy I have known for quite a while but we have never been close. He is a friend of a relative and also friends with relatives of my husband. I already have known him before I was married, first met him when I was 15.
He called him by my first name and or nickname then I already I did not like it but only told him mich later when we met again, when I basically told him I was 19 (back then) and thought he should call me by family name. He called me by my last name then.
Years later we met again and he called me by my first name or nickname (and sometimes also last name)
Years later we met again and he calls me by my first name and nick name and the last name I used to have before we married. Now I asked him to call him by my real last name.

He basically told me he was good friends with the X family (my husbands family) and that they all have the same last name. Calling me by that name would make no sense, because he calls nobody from the X family by his last name as there are so many of them. My husband is from a real big family.

To make it short: I am not happy with this, it feels too intimate. I am not even sure why I am so much opposed to the idea but there is something about our relationship that just makes me feel like I do not want to be called by my first name by him. Cannot really put it into words. AIBU?

lborgia to use maiden names now with old friends would be disrespectful, I can imagine how uncomfortable that made you feel. Is he in the military officer ranks? Just curious because officer training corps usually do that.
I don't know about Germany but I live in a country with strict formal rules for older people, I wouldn't use the informal or even the formal you for my mother in law even my husband calls her Senhora. I think this is true in parts of the USA too where Ma'am and Sir are still used to show respect. People are quick to judge but to tell someone they are being silly or they should modernise themselves is rude. Whether it's old fashioned or outdated in some people's eyes is irrelevant. Snafu you have the right to be addressed how you want to be and in a way that doesn't make you uncomfortable, whatever anyone else thinks.

When I was a
Child we had to call all our parents friends aunt or uncle
My daughter was brought up to call her aunts and uncles aunt and uncle and my friends by their first name
Times are changing here in England and rightly so
Incidentally I have a great uncle who’s a Baron and I’m just barren. So unfair. I used to say dream of being a Right Honourable QOD or Lady QOD and marrying into gentry. Married a bloody builder instead.

Iamcheeseman to answer your question, yes it's done like that in Germany and German keyboards do it automatically

And yes the "piss off" was rather unnecessary. I think Vlad was just making some point about being able to swear in german?

Oh gosh yes, the Auntie and Uncle thing. Would seem utterly ludicrous now. In fact, my kids don't even call their actual aunt and uncle aunt and uncle. Just first names.

OP, when you say 'back in the day', you're talking 18th/19th century, right? That concept doesn't translate at all, plus Brits are (rightly, tbh, considering our history) very sensitive to apparent snobbery, so I'm not surprised you got a hard time on here. If you'd said you were German earlier on, people would have understood better.

OP - even in germany things are changing. People here use the 'du' (informal you) rather than 'Sie' (formal) unless in business, or banks/doctors suchlike.

I met a young lad (same age as my son!) for the first time last week, and we used 'du'. He didn't ask if he could use 'du' and I forgot to tell him. Being English it is more natural to use the informal anyway (it's all we have!)

To demand to be addressed as 'Sie' and 'Frau x' in a social setting is actually, even in Germany, quite old fashioned. Esp as you are probably much younger than me (50). To ask to be addressed as 'Sie' is in fact quite a -- not insult as such, but a formality that is not necessary in this day and age.

The 'don't lie' is actually quite rude. Not because of the informal but because - it's just rude.

Germany sounds like a social minefield with all this formal and informal language niceties. Ridiculous.

Not really cream, formal/informal is actually more common than an irregularity. French tu/vous for example. But it's phasing out. I notice even in 'formal' settings people still would use tu rather than vous. Same with Dutch too.

Seems mad that someone said earlier in the thread that using du in a a work context would result in a sacking.

This thread reminded me of biscuits:
'I vant, i vant, a viscount!'
'A viscount?? but I am pwince!'
'I vant a viscount you clot! go now, I vant to be alone...vith my viscount'
:) :) :)

I don’t quite get this but if you have actually asked someone to do something and they refuse to do it then you are not being unreasonable to be annoyed.

It is about me wanting to decide who calls me by my first name

Not read all the replies, but
Your name is your name. You don't just go "everyone call me Jo, but not you, you have to call me Smith."
You sound strange, sorry!

Sexual Harassment for not calling someone "Frau X" - come on

If he makes you feel uncomfortable then just stay well away from him.Even in family gatherings you can make sure you are nowhere near him. If he talks you you then just ignore him, he will get the message.

I expect my children to call adults Mr x or Mrs X, unless they are family or very close friends. However whilst I refer to myself as Mrs X to people I don’t know ie dentists, sales people, the only people I would expect to call me Mrs x are children’s friends and people I don’t know.

My DS IS IN THR air cadets. Does that mean I can be gentry too!!

Your being ridiculous. The only people I refer to as Mr/Mrs... are my clients, and even then hey ask me to not be so formal.

Why are you even bothered? sounds like you have some sort of crush that you are trying to distance yourself from. Get a grip!

If someone made me feel this uncomfortable, I would have absolutely NOTHING to do with him. Cringe if you have to when he calls you by a name you don't like. Keep any conversation clipped and walk away from him??

Don't see what the problem is here? Sorry???

And if someone looks at you "weird", just get yourself away from him.

If it was me I would tell my husband how he makes me feel!!

YABU . I am 61 and am known to most people by my first name even if,as is sometimes the case,they are a third my age.It feels strange and too formal to be called Mrs ...,and the few people that do do it regularly are cold callers.

Auntie and Uncle: We still hold to this in my family, less for formality more that we see it as a special relationship so want to recognise and honour that.

Do you hail from Genovia?

Get over yourself and join the 21st century. If I was him I'd socialise with friendlier people. End.