AIBU to not want to give cash birthday / Christmas gifts for nieces and nephews.

[needtomovesomewherewarmer]

Had a request from SIL that could we please give her children cash for Christmas and birthdays as ‘they already have everything’ and often they miss out on gifts when they don’t fit/are duplicated (and i assume don’t like it). They have 4dc and she has cited clutter and space which I get and for the eldest last birthday we got a x6 month magazine subscription and a fatface hoodie. X2 christmas’ ago we got Disney on ice tickets for the family (was a splurge).

I have explained that dh and I feel quite strongly that we don’t want to give money as gifts yet as they are young (9,7,5 and 1) but have offered to do a mix for the 9 year old . I also suggested the children give us ideas of what they do want, that we check sizes or that we get experience type gifts (like zoo voucher etc).

SIL isn’t happy about this at all. Said she’s happy for us to give presents at Christmas but that her dc really want money and has made me feel extremely uncomfortable about it all.

I’m annoyed as to me a gift not something that should be expected. But I wonder if I’ve lost sense of perspective and I’m too stuck in old school ways???

In that case I would stick to a limit of how much cash you give, £20 sounds like a goo shout. I wouldn’t feel comfortable just handing her £40

Why don’t you just agree to not exchange presents for the DC at all?

My daughter got a bag with purse, lip balm, gloves for her January birthday and loved it. Think there was £5 or £10 in purse. Compromise? Something to open still?

I hate people giving money to dd. My SIL hated the clutter of so many barely used toys. Offer to buy a family gift (my brother does this for us now). We often just want a DVD but you could buy them an annual subscription for somewhere. Or offer to buy them all pjs instead. I also thought you could take them to a toy shop (or somewhere like Smyths) and let them choose something each.

Very rude of her to ask. I know it is annoying when there is limited space and they have everything but you really can't dictate gift (poss with the exception of your parents).

I'd give nothing. Asking for presents is beyond rude.

I’m a bit surprised to read a lot of these responses - so many people saying ‘kids don’t need £££’ but I just assumed all kids have savings accounts! I’d never actually request this off family but my word I’d prefer it. We save hard for our kids and they have ISAs and pensions that we hope will be a helping hand for them in adulthood. Any cash they receive for birthdays/gifts goes straight in there and in all honesty it makes a huge difference. They have toys coming out of their ears and frankly, we have a playroom full of toys that have been opened and barely played with - the thing that they get most excited about is a colouring book and pens and a bar of chocolate (aged 3&4). That’s £1.50 from the pound shop. The activity they most enjoy is a pretend bear hunt in the forest or an hour puddle jumping : free. However, I totally understand people like buying gifts and that is an individual choice, but the value we have in unplayed-with or barely-played with toys is just mind blowing. YANBU to feel it’s unfair but she’s also NBU in speaking up and saying they just don’t need any more stuff (though lack of compromise on an activity/event is a bit odd) xx

I would be stick to what you want to do as I prefer to give gifts to children than money. If it was money it would be constantly shuffling money to and fro and what’s the point in that?!?

What about vouchers for somewhere like toys r us, or take them to a Xmas show?

My dh gives his niece and nephew cash for xmas and birthdays because they have so much crap in their house and they never look after anything they are bought.

They are 9 and 11. They are never excited about money. And it always gets snatched out of their hands immediately by Nanny or grandad who put it in their bank account that they hold onto..... I think in a few years the kids will be given their accounts from 'Nanny and grandad' not realising where most of the money has been coming from.

I'd buy a nice present for each of them, much more thoughtful

Rude and grabby.

Rude and grabby.

So my kids (19, 10 and 5)prefer cash as they have so many things already. Experience days are often a pain to arrange with our family life however I use to ask people whenever they wanted suggestions to take x for an outing of their choosing and spend time with them . Usually they just stuffed £20 in a cards instead which I thought was quite sad. My kids do like going on shopping trips as they like to pretend they're millionaires :-).

I used to love getting cash from aunts & uncles 🤷🏼‍♀️

Buy them a meal out as a family or a merlin pass or something

My sil always gave some money and a small gift picked off a list chosen by our dc. Young dc like money too. However, if you think that she has designs on the money, don't do it.

Book Tokens! It’s what we send to our nieces and nephews that we barely see and hardly know.

I actually always loved getting a book token and wish I still got given them now!

I send money for my grandchildren and their parents use it for things like gymnastics classes, trips to theme parks etc plus a wanted gift for them to unwrap on the day. I then hear (in enthusiastic detail) what they have received from me on FaceTime. Works well for everyone at 5000 miles distance.

Can't help thinking those who insist on choosing gifts when money would be more suitable are thinking about themselves. Compromise with store cards if you don't want to hand over cash. Let them choose what they would like and keep everyone happy.

I'd prefer money for their accounts, Uni is expensive as our house deposits for when they're older.

Unwanted toys are just clutter and wasteful as others have said - surely you'd rather they had something worthwhile? If you don't trust her to invest it then set up an ISA just for the kids that you contribute to on each occasion then you can give them a nice pot when they turn 18?

If you have seven kids between you I think it's time to agree not to exchange gifts anymore.

My children absolutely loved having money for Birthdays from about the age of 5. They had some presents to open but loved going into town with me to spend their birthday money

Last Christmas my brother got my DC a purse each with pocket money inside. They loved it! A gift to open and cash!

The grandparents give a gift or two and some money into their junior ISAs, which is accruing nicely for when they are 18.

Bit late to the party here but anyway......
You've asked what they want, you've been told, and you don't like the answer.
I have 4 dc and they prefer money because the things they like (ps games etc) are pricey and It's unfair to ask for those items so they save up and buy them.
My youngest has lots already so we save hers and if she sees something she likes during the year, or she needs the next size up clothes/shoes, we buy them.
My in-laws were terrible for this. They'd ask what dc want, I'd give a list to choose from with sizes etc and they'd get something completely different. Usually unwearable as too small for instance or plastic tat from £ shop. When they ask now, we request money and we do the same for dn/n.
Easier all round as I have no clue what to get for 9 n/n of various ages.

I personally think cash can be a good idea. My DD is saving for a hoverboard at the moment, so in that situation it can be a good present. She's also really into magazines and shopkins and enjoys going to the shops with her money to buy bits like that. I wouldn't see a problem with it. But then, I also don't see a problem with giving cash as a wedding gift when it's requested, and Mumsnet does not seem to concur with me on this either