Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that I can work 60hr weeks and still hold the family together

120 replies

AngelicCurls · 03/11/2017 23:21

Currently in senior management role which covers a number of sites. Number of sites I manage was increased last year, without consultation (although within the contract this possibility existed)

OP posts:
LovingLola · 03/11/2017 23:22

What's your family make up? How many children and what ages? Do you have a supportive partner? What age are you?

SezziBaybee · 03/11/2017 23:22

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the request of the poster.

Haudyerwheesht · 03/11/2017 23:22

Impossible to say. Do you have children? What age? Are you a lone parent? Do you have help?

It's not a situation I'd like to be in tbh and imagine it'd be very stressful.

NinahH · 03/11/2017 23:23

Well I couldn't, that's why I left teaching. Maybe with a partner it would be doable but I am a single parent. On a 9-5er now (plus MA)

ludothedog · 03/11/2017 23:26

Depends doesn't it. I'm on m own with DD but have support from family. I work around 45 hours a week plus travel everyday. It's just about manageable for me and for DD. She is however in late primary.

However, as soon as one of us is sick then the whole arrangement comes crashing down.

afrikat · 03/11/2017 23:27

It depends on what support you have, whether the role has any flexibility so when you're not travelling around you can WFH, whether you can afford to outsource things like cleaning etc.

NobodyKnowsTiddlyPom · 03/11/2017 23:29

I'm a primary school teacher, I work 60+ hours a week, with a husband who is often away with work or late home. We manage fine, using breakfast/after school clubs or my mum as required.

I'm absolutely exhausted by Friday though and quite often head to bed by 9pm as I'm up so early to get to school by 7:15 but at least I get to spend the holidays with the children. It's been a bit of a shock to them (I'm only recently qualified) as I've been a SAHM for the past 8 years so they do miss me a lot.

Having said that, I love being out at work again, especially in such a rewarding job, and the children have appreciated being able to have me during the holidays as I make more of an effort to do extra fun stuff with them.

I'm not sure I could manage 60+ hour weeks without school holidays every 6 or 7 weeks though, I'd burn out mentally and physically (I also have a couple of fairly debilitating health issues) without being able to use that time to recharge my batteries.

Original poster
AngelicCurls · 03/11/2017 23:30

Oh ffs, did not meant to hit postBlush

...and since then I’ve found it increasingly difficult to manage work with home life. I work from home with a reasonable amount of travel to my sites and there is no work end point as the sites are 24hr. So it’s bloody hard to switch off.l as there is always something that needs dealing with

The job is flexible, so I can pick up from school a couple done times a week (used after school clubs 2xwknand DH picks up 1 day) but when I get home I either end up working whilst DC are watching tv, or switching on after they go to bed. This week I worked til 11pm 3 nights and that is the ordinary.

Pre kids I would have had the drive to do this, and have always wanted to progress in my career. Even post mat leave I was keen to go back . It’s really hit me since the eldest started school that I am really struggling to feel like I’m being a good enough mum as Work is so demanding. Equally feel like the job would be great if I could give it my all.

But it’s the first time in my career when I feel like I don’t want to progress anymore and that is a weird feeling that is taking time to accept

Not really sure what my aibu really is but any advice/thoughts much appreciated

OP posts:
Original poster
AngelicCurls · 03/11/2017 23:34

thanks for answers so far

DC are 4&2. DH is supportive to a point but getting increasingly pissed odd with my work taking over my family time, which in itself is a stress.

Work is open 24/7/365 so also work weekends (tho when I work a weekend properly-ie working at one of my sites) then I try to have week day semi off. But I always have my phone on so emails coming through and calls. I want to be there for my teams, having worked at the sites prior to managing I appreciated it when my boss was there for me so want to do the same.
Also helps problems escalating if I deal with them immmediately.

OP posts:
LostForNow · 03/11/2017 23:36

Depends on commute I think and how man hours sleep you need. I am happy on 5 so my day can be longer. IF you need 10 then it's not going to work as easily.

LovingLola · 03/11/2017 23:41

I think you need to re-evaluate what you want from your life. You cannot have it all. So if you get an urgent email from work that needs to be dealt with (in what is your family time) what do you do? Ditch the family time and deal with the work stuff? Or let the work stuff go and do your family stuff?

Original poster
AngelicCurls · 03/11/2017 23:45

lola you’ve hit the nail on the head, I need to figure out what I want. It’s so fucking hard though when since I was a kid I’ve always pushed and wanted to progress in my chosen field and this is the first time when I don’t think i do. I suppose it has been my identity and now not sure that’s what I actually want

OP posts:
Primaryteach87 · 03/11/2017 23:45

I wouldn't want to even if I could. Are you enjoying it? The 24/7 nature of it sounds bloody mentally exhausting.

reachforthestarseveryday · 03/11/2017 23:46

No. I don't think it's possible, with a young family, if you want to see your family and be a parent to your DC.

Why is your boss asking you to work 60 hour weeks?? Can't you just do 40 hours?

I'd listen to your heart/gut.

You won't ever be able to relax, your work-life balance will suffer.

I'd put this off till the DC are older.

SpringLake · 03/11/2017 23:47

I was reminded the other day how important it is for the rest of your team to see you setting a good example re work/life balance. Also re you being unavailable for any reason... it is 'good' to practice coping without you (at least til morning!). If you think about the time you're spending on 'work' how efficient do you feel it is? Could you do more in less time? Delegate responsibilities? Ask them to send you a text if there's something urgent otherwise you're switching off for a few hours?

anothermalteserplease · 03/11/2017 23:48

Do you need to do those hours? What would happen if you said 50 hours max and turn the work phone off? No weekend work unless scheduled and 2 weeknights completely off.
You can do it. I’m sure most of us have worked at that level at some point. But I know I personally couldn’t do it long term. And now I look back and think why did I let worjbovertake everything. I was stressed and stretched and whilst the money was good it wasn’t enough to compensate for that.

WishfulThanking · 03/11/2017 23:48

Do you get paid well? That makes a difference.

WishfulThanking · 03/11/2017 23:51

If you're on £100000 a year its understandable. If you're on £25000, not so much.It's not great though, as obviously your family would prefer to have time with you rather than lots of cash. Also, is DP working full-time too?

Mooncuplanding · 03/11/2017 23:51

Quite simply you will burnout at some point. It is not sustainable

You don't have to be on call 24/7, you need to set some boundaries, that is part of working in any busy organisation.

Yes, you can still work hard but that level of leak into your home life is not good long term.

And I would say this to a M or F btw. It's good for no-one

Butterymuffin · 03/11/2017 23:51

Surely though you don't need to be on every single email and call over the weekend? You should be able to draw some kind of line. Work comes first in an emergency, of course, but if everything is an emergency or work comes first every single time, then your family are always getting short shrift. And it's nice to 'be there' for people at work, but it's not always appreciated as much as you think - especially if you always do it, as then it gets taken for granted.

SeaToSki · 03/11/2017 23:52

I came to a realization that for me, it was go big or go home. I went home and havent regretted it, but I have also realized that you can change your mind whenever you want to. Its not one decision point that will decide the rest of your lfe. You can decide to go big for the next year and then reassess etc.

BatteredBreadedOrSouthernFried · 03/11/2017 23:52

Well what is the benefit to you of working the extra hours. Other than being there for your team.

pandarific · 03/11/2017 23:55

If the number of sites you manage has increased, I'd say there's a good case for you to have a junior person who handles some of the workload. I'd say you should ask - management will be aware the sites have increased, so it's a fair question to ask. Push back (gently) on them and see if they can give you anything to take the pressure off?

dantdmistedious · 03/11/2017 23:55

No I don’t think so. I’m senior management and am I the office three days a week. WFH two days.

What you’re doing sounds like a ticket to burnout.

Tigerpaws57 · 03/11/2017 23:57

If you are working 60 plus hours a week as a primary school teacher you are seriously mismanaging your time.