to think that I can work 60hr weeks and still hold the family together

[AngelicCurls]

Currently in senior management role which covers a number of sites. Number of sites I manage was increased last year, without consultation (although within the contract this possibility existed)

Yes, get well paid. But to be honest they could give me a huge pay rise and I’m not sure it would make it worthwhile.

I guess the reason why I’m so torn is I love the company I work for, my boss is fantastic. No one makes me work those hours, but I feel to do the job justice it needs that. If I don’t then more shit piles up, doesn’t get addressed quickly, which then causes more problems etc. I don’t think I’d want to do the job badly, and i honestly don’t think I could do it well on 45-50hrs.

Yes, can delegate some stuff, have started doing that but I remain accountable and so still takes time checking stuff/signing off. And lots of the role is financially/hr sensitive so not really able to delegate that. I do think I need to delegate more, but equally conscious of not overloading my teams either. Coz then they get stress, retention drops and my job gets harder again.

Ok I think you are trying to have it all and it is a myth - you need to work out a balance for yourself. Some suggestions although not all will be possible

Kids are 4 & 2 they need interaction after nursery and school as they are then off to bed etc. Make a choice how many weeknight this will be..

Hubby needs your time (and you need his) make a date night however freq suits you and in the weeks where you don't have a go out night then have a stay in night where you have time together and actually relax.

CHoose the times you are available to staff - 24.7 is unreasonable. You are dispensible you don't need to be that available and they are not doing their job if you are. If they are not confident in taking the decisions make an effort to do that envourage them to tell you what the solution is, what the plan is or what actions need to happen - yu give the OK they will gain in confidence and soon be coming to you with this has happened I think this are you ok with that rather than panicked phone calls.

What are you doing to train up your replacement(s) what is the plan. Think about putting effort into this.

Consider rota-ing the availability of snr mgt so you get down time - can you share with a buddy mgr on decision making out of hrs??

Do you have any help in the home - just coming home to dinner cooked a couple of times a week or even some of these food boxes of meals they do could take some pressure off

Check how reliant you are on your OH - is he feeling put upon as you are constantly distracted? Off time would help on this front.

Could you have proactive check times with staff - prempting later calls etc.

I would maybe think about using a personal coach to make some of these things happen and be comfortable with the letting go.

Excuse me for asking, but why would you want to?

Most I worked was 48 hours a week, with one young child. I worked 4 nights a week though and put DD to bed before I left, then her Dad took care of her. Then I would sleep when she slept in the day and her Nan would take her away when she woke (coincided with Nan finishing work). When she was older, she went to her Dads work creche for the afternoons. That was hard enough.

Working sixty hours a week is too much for anyone IMHO except in the very short term. And is certainly far too much for somebody with children as young as yours. There has to be a life work balance. You don't want to wake up in ten or fifteen years time and think why on earth did I do that.

What exactly are you doing between 6-11? Surely you could employ someone to trouble shoot between those hours? Even if stuff is confidential, as long as they know about confidentiality and work within boundaries it’s fine

If you are working 60 plus hours a week as a primary school teacher you are seriously mismanaging your time.

Really useful comment...thanks

As an NQT I am still learning how to streamline and manage my time effectively but there are plenty of teachers who are in my position who have been doing the job for years.

Perhaps instead of making such a scathing and sweeping comment you might offer some advice, as you seem to be so perfectly able to manage all of the tasks you need to do?

RB thanks for the advice, really helpful.

Yes, already split the very urgent non call stuff with other senior managers (so staff shortages/equipment failure etc). I do think I need to be more self disciplined in switching off. We have had time management support but from external consultant who advocated answering quick emails in home time as it stops things building up. He is right, but it’s that which is impacting on my ability to switch off. The only time currently I feel like I can switch off completely is when I am on annual leave, but then the horrendous inbox full of urgent and important stuff is awful to come back to.

The training of a replacement is something that’s been on my mind. I have a potential although he is very new into the role below me and so will need some time. I am also conscious that i don’t know whether it’s the role or me that isn’t working. So whether the role needs changing even if I decided to leave

Re PP about stepping back for now then picking up down the line, the role is quite niche (at a very senior level anyway) and so would be no guarantee that would be available when i was in a position to re start

Re other PP as to why I want to. Well because the career path has been my life for the last 20 odd years and it’s part of my identity. I’m very driven (or used to be) and always wanted to progress, hence being in this position now. But now I’m here it’s a bit of a gilded cage

bunny between 6 and 11 I am doing the stuff I should have done between 3 and 6 when i picked up the kids. But as up til 6 is the time when the office part of the business work to then calls still come in and so I end up not properly switching off then either. So I feel like I’m constantly working. I am sure this would be much easier if I didn’t have the kids, so could work 8-6 every day, but that’s the double edged sword of the job and makes it so hard to leave. It is flexible and I can set my own schedule to a degree but the flip side to that is i always feel like I am working to some degree or another. I guess maybe i just can’t cope with FT with the kids. I could use nursery/after school club 5 days/week tonallow me to not work as much after 6 but thence would feel bad I wasn’t seeing the kids and would still end up working in the evening answering urgent stuff and weekend anyway

Absolutely no advice but I think your fucking superwoman juggling all of this. That said if the current situation is not serving you, there is only you can that change it. What do you think will make you happy? If you’re not motivated for your career right now then maybe it’s time for an adjustment.

I worked at least 60 hours a week for many a year, and loved it. It was invigorating, and made me feel fulfilled. However, I had a DH who was a SAHP, and did everything I did not (could not possibly) do. In retrospect, I regret spending so many years away - more often than not physically absent, mostly emotionally absent. I feel lucky I still had a family when I decided to get off the hamster wheel. Lots of money made, but in truth, lots of life missed.

So what childcare are you using for the 2 yo and how many days? It might be worth upping the weekday childcare. But I also think it takes a lot of discipline, but would benefit you, if you had firm hours for working. Eg. If in the evening you said to your team you will check emails between 9-10 but then that's it till morning. I work FT in a challenging job and there's always more you could do - but you have to stop. If I set myself the limit of an hour's working time and really go at it, it's amazing what I can get done.

I work 60ish hours a week but used to work more, stepping down from 80-120hrs a week earlier this year. I think it's possible to do it but your time management advice is terrible.

DH had a wonderful assistant who retired. She kept him on track during the day and would answer easy emails for him, giving him a verbal update in their catch ups (x3 a day). His new assistant just isn't half as good and the effect on DHs productivity is very apparent to me.

The other thing to think about is what the job above you would look like. Would you have a better schedule if you went for a promotion?

Working 60 hours a week is not good for anyone. You need to have a proper work/family balance particularly when your children are small. Try to set yourself work hours and then stick to them

I am senior management and I have learned to be super disciplined with my time. I work 4 days, take the odd call on my day off, and do a few emails in the evening after bedtime. Always home for my 3 year olds bedtime, except one day a week when I 'let' myself work late.

But generally, I'm keeping my.hours and stress (and career progession) going. It is possible but you need to be strict with your time. No one will respect your time if you don't. Now people just remember my non work day, and will apologise if they have to call.

I was work obsessed. Never planned to go part time, until 5 years of unfertility and cancer changed my perspective! I could progress faster, or earn more (25% more just by adding a day!), but it will still be there in 5 or 10 years if I want it.

It's just about what is most important to you.

buttery dc2 is in nursery 3 full days and dc1 in after school club 2 days. 1 day DH finishes early and does takes dc2 after lunch and i start work at 1 (tho will have been available for urgent stuff before then)

supermum how the fuck did you do 120 hrs that’s 17hrs per day for 7 days! Am in total awe! What part of my time management is awful?

Forgot to say, don’t want to up the childcare as want to spend time with the kids, but do worry I’m not emotionally present

IMHO, no you can’t.

You can be a fucking fantastic employee working 60 hours a week or you can be the one holding it together at home.

It might not be a popular opinion but it is based on having DCs ranging in age from 21 to 6 & having worked anywhere between 60 & 0 hours a week as a parent.

angelic You need to be very structured with your day. You go to a site. Who are you going to see and what do you need to do while you are there? Give them your schedule ahead of time and have it set up. You set your departure time ahead of your visit. Of course your assistant/junior person is the one doing all of this with your input.

That time management consultant needs to jog on. If you have an email you can quickly answer then your assistant can answer it for you. Your time off is your time off. I had time off from 1am to 6am because that was my 'sleep' time although most nights I was awake with a child or working for at least 2 of my golden hours.

Also rethink your day. DH often left for work at 4am, starting at 4:30am. He then finished early and spent a lot of time with the DC while he worked on sales calls coming in (very easy to manage around DC). It was tough for me but it was worth it. Today I work much shorter hours for more money.

You also could probably do with having an extra person working under you if you don't want to overwork the team when you delegate work or struggle with staff being out or leaving.

You need to do something before you burn out and then you'll be no good to anybody. For your own mental health you need to ask for a deputy or a job share position to be advertised.

Your employer is taking advantage of the fact that you will absorb the extra workload without much complaint. They need to divide your responsibilities into two roles with yours being the senior position. There is always the danger that your performance will suffer because of the high workload and that needs to be addressed sooner rather than later.

I was at a children's party earlier this year and there was a mum sat in the corner on her laptop working. I don't know how she managed to concentrate tbh but her child kept coming up to her and the lady barely lifted her head up to reply. She did get up to dance with her child later but she held her phone aloft so she could read the emails/texts. I thought that was sad, her child deserved atleast 5 minutes of her undivided attention. It is the same situation at every party her child attends. Just something to bear in mind op, work to live so you can enjoy and dance with your children.

I think it depends on stress level in work.

I have a very hectic, very busy job with a decent level of stress and regularly work 60-65 hours.

However, this week was only 55 hours but because of major deadlines, it was exhausting. I left at 6:30 at the end of the week, 20 mins drive home, asleep by 7 and woke up at 10am the following day. I could easily have done another 20 hours and still not been finished, but each night it got to 7:30 and my brain wouldn't take any more.

So to me, long hours with a reasonable level of stress could be doable. Much more so in some ways than a 40 hour week of high stress. Just needs buy in from your DH and also the realization that your house won't be perfect all the time and other things may need to slide too. And that you WILL use all your annual leave to recover!

Firstly, I don’t think it’s your job to hold the family together - that responsibility is for you and your partner working together.

Having said that, I don’t think anyone can participate fully in family life working 60 hours a week. I used to work anything between 60-120 hours a week before children and worked with plenty of people who had children and still worked those hours. Even with a stay at home partner, which everyone I worked with had if they had children, my colleagues would either have been absent from family life or stressed and unable to participate fully/ in a positive way. I don’t think you can time manage away the reality of really long hours and the on call aspect of your job will have a big impact on the quality of the time you do spend with your family (I never really left the office either thanks to modern communications and client expectations).

It’s hard. My job wasn’t doable with children so I quit and now I’m a SAHM. I don’t have any regrets and I’m very happy, but I do sympathise with your dilemma if your job isn’t downsizeable. Seems a shame that the decision is a bit all or nothing, but that is the reality of some jobs.

Good luck.

Do you enjoy your job? Or will you still complain when you give it up to be a SAHM? Be thankful you have a wage and options

I work 60ish hours a week but used to work more, stepping down from 80-120hrs a week earlier this year.

You didn't work 120 hours a week. You may have been on call for 120 hours a week, you may even have been at work for 120 hours a week, but you didn't work solidly for 120 hours a week, because no one can.

I agree - how does anyone work 120 hours a week??!! That’s 17 hours solid, 7 days a week, leaving only 7 hours a day to sleep, eat, wash, commute etc. Or if you do 120 hours over 6 days that’s 20 hour days leaving 4 to do the above!