to think that I can work 60hr weeks and still hold the family together

[AngelicCurls]

Currently in senior management role which covers a number of sites. Number of sites I manage was increased last year, without consultation (although within the contract this possibility existed)

I knew I was working crazy hours for a relatively short time in my career. I left my job in May for a much better role. I've just been promoted to the CFO role of one the subsidiary companies. It only has about $5m in revenue a year so small but it's vital experience for me to get if I'm going to take over the current CFO in 15ish years.

AngelicCurls but if management upped your sites by quite a lot without consultation, then they should at least be prepared to discuss an assistant. I don't know where you're based but a good executive assistant or PA is a LOT less expensive than having to replace a competent senior management professional who's left because of workload issues.

Oh and I slept about 3 hours a night. I had a lot of conference calls and would take a break in terms of stretch out or go for a walk. I often worked with a baby in the ergo.

I also had a DH who I forced into doing more. School were given his phone number only. He refused to allow online food shopping so he does food shopping in person.

Oh and I slept about 3 hours a night. I had a lot of conference calls and would take a break in terms of stretch out or go for a walk. I often worked with a baby in the ergo.

No, you didn't. Not seven days a week. People need variable amounts of sleep but it is simply not possible to get three hours of sleep and function on a medium-term basis.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm repeatedly attacking you but I think your claims are really unhelpful to OP, as they seem to suggest she should be able to 'cope' by comparison to you.

You need down time too. You need to arrange on an evening that your emails are redirected or you have a message saying you will deal with them at x time. Same for your phone either answer phone message directing to next person to contact or you will be avaliable x time.

It works if your partner stays at home or has a part-time, lower stress job. Plenty of families manage one person working crazy hours and being the 'breadwinner' like this (although it wouldn't personally appeal to me).

In my experience 60 hrs is doable but 24/7 on call is ridiculous. You need to appoint a second in command and have them cover 1/3 of the on call or triage issues before you are called.
Systems should be set up that do not require you to be phoned. Any process that relies on you permanently on call is an extremely high risk to the business. Is there a risk assessment for if you were knocked down by a bus?

Loads of men do 60 hour weeks. Of course you can do it.
The issue you’ve got is your DH.
If he is working less than you and can pick up the slack at home/be there more for the kids then it will work.
What’s his set up?
I presume you’re a high earner and therefore this job enables you to be comfortably off.. something not to be sniffed at?

If you gave it all up tomorrow what would happen in the job? Someone else would take over, where is that person now: the job would be split, where is that person to split it with now: the job spec would change, can that happen now? Did you take a maternity leave, if so what happened then?

I suppose what I'm saying is that their might be other options that you can't see at the moment.

It sounds like the sort of job that takes a stay at home partner to make it work , or an incredible nanny/housekeeper and no desire on your part to engage with family life. these things aren't true for you.

Employers have cut out the on site supervisors and management in lots of companies and instead they put in place an area or floating manager to oversee all sites. This restructuring is common and is nothing but a cost saving excercise. In the OPs case they have heaped more on her and probably sold it as some sort of reward for being so dedicated ‘oh because you are so good we’ve put you in charge of a larger area’. Eh no it’s more like because you’re keen to please we are going to take advantage of you

Honestly, unless your Dh is at least 99% on board, no I don't think you can. At that level it has to be a team effort. And tbh there are a lot of pissed off SAHPs on here with effectively absent partners.

I would sit down with your dh and maybe also a mentor, and brainstorm some options. Fundamentally I would also shove the stress onto your manager. Use the fact that you don't care as much to your advantage, if your dh will support brinkmanship. Go back to your manager and say, I want a serious fuck-off full time PA dedicated to this role through which all communications go, weekends to myself/shared responsibility, less travel, and the ability to define my own communications policies for my team, or I am walking/going for a demotion with no hard feelings. And mean it.

I definitely agree that if you currently have to be on call 24/7 you need to work with management to upskill your site staff. Can you get standard operating procedures set up so they know what to do when there's a staff shortage? If there's a number of sites operating 24/7 there must be staff shortages every day, so this shouldn't need senior out-of-hours attention. The same for if equipment breaks. SOPs can be really useful to stop queries about things that regularly happen - even if they're crucial to operating function if it's something where you know what you'd do in a variety of circumstances you can write it in a flow chart and give them that.

Then if there are people who cover other sites I think I'd arrange with them so you take e.g 3x the number of sites but are on call for say one week in 3 outside office hours and the other two you know another manager will deal with it.

Finally I'd set an out of office for weekends and after office hours that explains "I am away from the office as it is outside office hours. Standard operating procedures can be found at blah on the staff intranet. The on call schedule is xxx (names times and numbers), so please call the appropriate person if required."

You ask the question “AIBU to think that I can work a 60 hr working week and still hold the family together?”

In my opinion, you can work the 60 hrs but it won’t be YOU holding the family together. It will be whoever is doing the brunt of the childcare, the household chores and admin, cooking the nutritious family meals (rather than chucking in a pizza or ready meal because that’s all you have time for, making sure that DC keep up friendships and develop relationships with extended family, helps them with homework, makes the medical appointments and arranged hair cuts, takes them to get new shoes when they’ve outgrown theirs, takes them to swimming lessons, go to school events, sort out any problems the children have be it discussing their friendship problems or communicating with school to iron out issues with them. You can’t do all that if you are working so many hours.

A few people have said on here “well plenty of men do those hours.” Yes, they do but that’s usually because someone else is doing all that stuff at home. (Could be a partner, could be a grandparent, could be a brilliant nanny)

But my point is, THEY are “holding the family” together because if they didn’t do all those things, they wouldn’t get done. Because YOU wouldn’t be available to. It’s as simple as that.

DH worked those sorts of hours when our kids were younger. I worked PT so I could do all those family tasks that needed doing. Now we’re both full time but I work a standard 37 hrs a week and that’s enough! The kids are older so easier in some ways but I am older too (44) and my energy isn’t what it was 10 years ago. I have an elderly parent too whose health is becoming a concern. Working full time doesn’t necesariky get easier as your children get older, there are just other issues that become apparent that weren’t there before. I’m actually looking to going back to part time as Life was so much more enjoyable for ALL of us when I was.

All this talk of 60 hours a week being 'doable' and just needing more outsourcing of childcare and more to achieve it. Being available 24/7 and all the rest.

60 hours a week is 5 days a week 8am-8pm. Or 6 days a week 8am-6pm. Or every day 8am-4.30pm.

Why the fuck would you want to? When are you living? When are you enjoying your family? When are you having time to spend all the fabulous money working this much gives you?

I've worked a 60 hour + week a couple of times, for one week only, in absolute emergencies/for big one off events or audits. It's a bloody miserable way to live IME and I'd rather leave my job and get a minimum wage job stacking shelves than have to work that at all times.

margret oh please do fuck off. You have no idea what I went through and you have clearly not read my previous posts on how I suggested the OP manage her time. I've been quite clear that she should be looking at ways to reduce her hours to 45-50 as a starting goal. Also sometimes you work crazy hours, like I did and then you earn your promotion and don't have to work those hours. I've made sacrifices to earn a good wage. I don't earn what DH makes but eventually I should be making £300-500k a year. I don't earn anything close to that now.

Oh and 3 hours a night of sleep 7 nights a week is what I did for 5 years. I still only sleep 5-6 hours a night.

Listen to annandale op. You have leverage - use it! Don’t hesitate to do so.

look at the working time directives. you are supposed the have (if i remember) 11 hrs uninterupted minimum rest between shifts and 48 hrs uninterupted rest each fortnight. this applies to every employee. i presume you know this due to the nature of the industry you are in. why do you think this doesnt apply to you? its for your wellbeing and the health and safety of those around you. give your head a wobble and apply your management skills to the issue.

When I was working full time 60 hours felt like a good week for me and a sign that I had everything under control. I often worked in excess of 75 hours a week. However as a teacher I could rest in the holidays. My husband also pretty much ran the home. Now I work part time and probably do about 45 hours a week plus I do some other week so probably about 55hours a week and I feel so much better and my family is happier. But I don’t think I could even sustain my 50 hours a week if I didn’t have the school holidays.

Also you are senior management OP so you have the authority to push through headcount changes and a common issue today is that no one can be seen to have the luxury of a PA. I would suggest you call the role something else and get the headcount approved.

I've hired someone to take charge of vendor management. They take care of about 35% of the time suckers in my day.

For those working excessive hours, when do you live? When do you see your DH and DC’s. When do you see friends for a coffee, go to the cinema, book regular gym classes?

When I was doing long hours I did nothing outside of work that wasn't with/for DC. And occasionally DH. I had no social life and did no sport.

You can work 60 hours and have a successful career, you can spend some time with your family but you cannot do that have the role of keeping your family together as well. Either another parent needs to have the role of keeping the family together, you have great flexible wider family support or you need to have an excellent nanny. Lots of men work long hours my DH does but I tried upping my hours from 3 days to four and it was too difficult with our inflexible childcare so I went back down again. My DH has good time with the DC but because I do all of the routine house management so the weekends as just family/him time. I know mums that have long hour senior jobs, they have one of the three support options I mentioned.

* For those working excessive hours, when do you live? When do you see your DH and DC’s. When do you see friends for a coffee, go to the cinema, book regular gym classes?*i

I don’t know if I am classed in that category. When working 75 hours a week it all happened during the school holidays and the odd weekend.

Now I am part time and work only 55 hours a week most weeks I will have a day/evening out with a friend. I go out with the family one day a weekend. I go to the gym after work - but not as often as I would like. I see my children after school - am lucky that one goes to school where I teach so I see a lot of her. I work 4 days a week and so on the fifth day I take my youngest out - often to meet a friend at the same time.

I go to the cinema quite often - probably once every few weeks.

I don’t sleep much though

If your job is not possible in the hours that you are contracted then the job is not for one person.
Ultimately though you are an employee and you are dispensible. You may love your job and want to progress your career but not to the detriment of yourself and your family.