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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect payment for ticket .............

789 replies

Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 13:08

Help needed please!
Was very close to friend for years. She's rubbish with money but was good at spending mine! We don't see each other so much, but still chat and I went to her birthday bash a few weeks ago.

It took me a while, but the penny finally dropped and I no longer 'lend' her money. (Think 'loan' for £1000 seven years ago and have only had £200 ish back).

There is a band that we have always wanted to see - I know I sound about 10!), so we agreed that I would get the tickets on my card and she would reimburse me after Glastonbury - very expensive!

Here's the thing - tomorrow is the day we go and I think (know?) that she won't have the money.

WIBU to just not go with her? Am meant to be picking her up at 12 pm.

OP posts:
Justbookedasummmerholiday · 03/11/2017 18:09

I would guess she will show without the cash - and blame her dd. Then assume you will take pity on her and pay for everything for both of you.

chickenowner · 03/11/2017 18:09

would guess she will show without the cash - and blame her dd. Then assume you will take pity on her and pay for everything for both of you.

Yep.

blueskyinmarch · 03/11/2017 18:11

If you have absolute decided to go without her you had maybe make that clear to her soon. I would think she just thinks you will sort things out if she turns up with no money and will be on that train before you can say anything.

Appuskidu · 03/11/2017 18:12

Why are you asking her for petrol money when you want to get the train?

Rachie1986 · 03/11/2017 18:13

Please keep us updated OP??

Rachie1986 · 03/11/2017 18:13

Please keep us updated OP??

PlaymobilPirate · 03/11/2017 18:14

Op I'm absolutely rooting for you 😊 I love how determined you are... if I was anywhere near Birmingham I'd have loved to come with you (and I'd have paid for the ticket!)

ChocolateWombat · 03/11/2017 18:14

Sorry but i still don't think this will end without the OP forking out for some of her costs.

I can see you turning up tomorrow and her trying to avoid handing over money immediately and saying she will get it from a cash point or something later. Or she will have the money for the ticket and give it to you (or part of it) and later not have cash for the hotel. It will be pretty hard to ask for all of the cash upfront in the doorstep - are you prepared to work out the exact total and tell her she can't get in the car unless she gives you all of it upfront? Faced with someone who has something to hand over, many people would let her into the car and then find later they didn't get the rest of the money. I think OP may find that happens.

The lesson here is to get her to pay her way at the point of booking, or get to her to book and you owe her. The result of tHis will probably be that you don't end up going anywhere because she won't pay upfront or pay for you.
And if you ever do pay for someone else upfront (not her) then always give a very clear deadline for the other person to pay, well before the event. Needing them to hand over money on the day makes you very vulnerable and gives scope for confrontation in person which many people find difficult.

So Op, when she gets back to you (if she does) do reply with 'Please just make sure you have the cash for the ticket, hotel,mood and petrol to give me when I get to yours. I really cannot take you unless you give me all of it before we leave. If there's a problem in doing this, let me know and I just won't come round and go alone. Please can you confirm that you will have all of the cash and not just the ticket money so I don't make a wasted journey to yours. If I don't hear by X o'clock I'll just assume you haven't been able to get the money, which is a shame for you to miss out, but a shame for me too because I've already paid upfront'

If you send this, the difficult part will be partly dealt with my text and the fact you're not taking her without ALL the cash upfront is clear and already said.

Are you brave enough to do that? It will be easier than not saying it until tomorrow!

StealthPolarBear · 03/11/2017 18:14

Dying to find out what happens tomorrow

TroelsLovesSquinkies · 03/11/2017 18:19

Wow your friend is a real CF can't wait to hear wha her excuse will be when you go to get her and she hasn't got all the money with her.
I'd lock the car doors and make her show me the money before letting her in. Good luck

Appuskidu · 03/11/2017 18:20

Much easier to say you'll either meet there or at the train station (where you buy your own ticket and she gets hers).

Is the hotel room shared? Where will you eat-I'd go for counter service and just order your own. Much easier than haggling about a bill.

Hortonlovesahoo · 03/11/2017 18:24

I really hope she surprises you but I fully expect her to behave as mentioned here, she'll turn up with a bit and not all and expect you to pay for the hotel /food.

I'd definitely give her an ultimatum so she knows what's going on

Polkadot1974 · 03/11/2017 18:25

Saying this stuff is easier on here than in real life but as someone who also doesn’t stick up for herself I’m really hoping OP breaks the mould this time and goes and has a blast

Violletta · 03/11/2017 18:27

me? placemarking.... no way

GladAllOver · 03/11/2017 18:28

If there is ever a next time - probably not - I would say to her that she pays for the whole thing and take your share out of the £800 that she owes you

astoundedgoat · 03/11/2017 18:33

I would guess she will show without the cash - and blame her dd. Then assume you will take pity on her and pay for everything for both of you.

And then tell you to chase her daughter for the money if you want it so badly #dailymailsadface

Original poster
Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 18:35

There won't be a next time.

I am going to meet a friend now - good boundaries in place - won't be long as I don't want to leave the dog too long!

No answer from my message about the £100 plus yet

OP posts:
Original poster
Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 18:37

Oh and thank you RapunzelsRealMom. I really appreciated your words.

I just wanted to see Jamiriquai!

OP posts:
2017SoFarSoGood · 03/11/2017 18:39

Guardsman it is great to see your strength growing over the pages of this thread. I do believe you are going to be able to do this. Don't let there be a big showdown that then ruins your lovely treat to yourself though. That's the last thing you need. So, get the answer - see the proof - then off you go together. Otherwise, go and have a lovely time.

I bet you won't be alone at this concert for long; you seem like you have a lovely, warm personality.

Msqueen33 · 03/11/2017 18:41

She’s a CF. Stay strong. You can’t finance her trips out. You’re doing the right thing.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/11/2017 18:41

I am NOT and I repeat - NOT - going with her if she doesn't have the money to pay for ticket, petrol, hotel, food & drinks

So what are you going to do ... ask her to count out the tenners in front of you before getting in the car? Hmm

She won't do that, and I suspect the best you'll get is a few quid towards it and a promise to stop by a cashpoint (and then either the machine or her card will be said not to work). Again, what happens then? After all you're not going to chuck her out of the car to make her own way back, are you?

For me, it would be "send it by Paypal/whatever before I leave the house or I won't be picking you up". Harsh, yes, but otherwise she'll simply treat you as a mug yet again

OnlyToday · 03/11/2017 18:42

.

ReanimatedSGB · 03/11/2017 18:44

Good luck OP. Hope you have a great time with or without CF pal.

Becles · 03/11/2017 18:44

If you end up having to sell the ticket I've sold under similar circumstances on seatwave.

Original poster
Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 18:44

Puzzle - she only lives 30 seconds away and train station is 30 seconds from hers!

OP posts: