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AIBU?

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Original poster

To expect payment for ticket .............

789 replies

Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 13:08

Help needed please!
Was very close to friend for years. She's rubbish with money but was good at spending mine! We don't see each other so much, but still chat and I went to her birthday bash a few weeks ago.

It took me a while, but the penny finally dropped and I no longer 'lend' her money. (Think 'loan' for £1000 seven years ago and have only had £200 ish back).

There is a band that we have always wanted to see - I know I sound about 10!), so we agreed that I would get the tickets on my card and she would reimburse me after Glastonbury - very expensive!

Here's the thing - tomorrow is the day we go and I think (know?) that she won't have the money.

WIBU to just not go with her? Am meant to be picking her up at 12 pm.

OP posts:
Appuskidu · 03/11/2017 18:45

Puzzle - she only lives 30 seconds away and train station is 30 seconds from hers!

Why did you agree to drive then?!

AndersArms · 03/11/2017 18:46

Good luck OP

DancesWithOtters · 03/11/2017 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 18:49

Thank you Anders.

I agreed Puzzle because she couldn't afford the train

OP posts:
Original poster
Guardsman18 · 03/11/2017 18:51

That's what I've said to her via fb Dances. I haven't had a reply yet

OP posts:
happypoobum · 03/11/2017 18:52

Stay strong OP - we are all behind you...........

DeathByMascara · 03/11/2017 18:54

Cf central round here at the moment! Am loving your determination OP, just hope the ‘friend’ does the decent thing!

expatinscotland · 03/11/2017 18:54

She's a CF, but you're a doormat. She'll mug you off as long as you let her because she's not a friend, she's a pisstaker. I'm also betting she shows up with no money, says DD let her down and expects you to front her. She won't pay you. She hasn't in 8 months. She owes you 800 quid and doesn't give a shit.

DamsonGin · 03/11/2017 18:55

Very jealous, is love to go if I could! Hope you have a fab time, with or without her (and her cash).

Puzzledandpissedoff · 03/11/2017 18:55

she only lives 30 seconds away and train station is 30 seconds from hers!

And is there a cashpoint near either of you? For if you get to hers and there's yet another excuse about the missing cash?

RuggerHug · 03/11/2017 19:05

Really hope this works OP. I had years of this from a friend who I ended up phasing out as a result of being used so much. If I had a spine I would have gotten the money back from her but thought it wasn't worth the argument. Good luck!

PhuntSox · 03/11/2017 19:09

Stay strong OP! Clear but unemotional, stick to the facts.

ChocolateWombat · 03/11/2017 19:10

Regardless of what she says or doesn't say tonight, before you set off to get her tomorrow, give her a ring - not a text and say you are just checking she has the full amount in cash to give you before you set off, because if not, you are going by train.

And then don't go round unless she says she has it.

If you turn up and she doesn't have all the money to give you immediately, just say you are now going to go by train on your own. Don't get into discussion about it. Just say you need to catch your train and are going. And go. Don't engage in any further discussion....because if you do, she will convince you that she will pay later in the day or to sub you. The only way she will start taking you seriously is if you follow through on what you've said....and this will be harder if you get into discussion.

So if you find yourself on her doorstep and she doesn't give you all of the cash, just say 'Sorry but I said I couldn't take you if you didn't have all the money upfront. I'm going to get the train now. See you soon'

Don't get into blaming her or justifying your actions or discussing. State the facts and walk away.

MsPavlichenko · 03/11/2017 19:16

I couldn't be bothered waiting until tomorrow. Too much needless anxiety for you. It is a shame you waited till today, but given that you are owed £800 I'd not worry too much.

Take control. Decide what you want to do, and text her. If you want to take the train book your ticket. If you want to come back then cancel the hotel. Will be cheaper for her than hotel anyway if she pays up.

You will know what your day looks like. The most you will be out of pocket will be the ticket price, and you might be able to sell on tomorrow. Or, she might realise you mean business with your polite text and get her act together. Unlikely but not impossible.

Either way you at in control , and not waiting at the end of a phone. She is at a wedding, and found funds to get to that after all.

Krazylady · 03/11/2017 19:21

Waiting for next instalment....

expatinscotland · 03/11/2017 19:23

If you don't cancel the hotel with 24 hour notice you may be charged anyhow, so by hemming and hawing and letting her call the shots, you may have cost yourself more money. Ditto wrt to driving.

ChocolateWombat · 03/11/2017 19:23

I agree about taking control. It is what I would do and not leave it until tomorrow.
However OP has been convinced to leave the money until tomorrow by those saying she needs to give friend a chance to get the money and has also been convinced by friend to go by car. Therefore she has put herself in the position where she may well end up on the doorstep and friend doesn't have all the cash. This seems most likely scenario. Therefore she needs to know what she will say in that situation and that engaging in discussion won't be fruitful but result in her taking friend and paying. She needs to know in advance to simply state the facts that she is going alone and to go.

It's a a learning curve isn't it. Assertiveness works best when done in advance and on your own terms. OP still finds she is driving and that she is having to get the money on the day.....all very awkward. Next time, progress will be to not pay in advance or if doing so, to set a strict deadline for payment well before any event and if it's not met, to offload the ticket. (This will be with other people, not this nightmare friend oresumably) laying down the terms to gain control and then sticking to what you've said is vital.

QOD · 03/11/2017 19:24

I’ve got a feeling that you ain’t getting no cash

Esspee · 03/11/2017 19:27

Hope you enjoy the concert, whether or not she goes with you. Can I suggest, regardless of what happens this weekend, that you get her to agree to how much she owes you (in writing) and set up a repayment schedule. If she defaults take her to the small claims court. It is cheap, easy and most importantly you need to get your money back for your self esteem.

Appuskidu · 03/11/2017 19:28

and has also been convinced by friend to go by car

That's the weirdest bit about all this for me. OP and her CF friend live 30 seconds from each other and the train station, and OP doesn't want to drive. Yet..., she has arranged to collect the friend tomorrow and go by car?!

I would really like to know how that situation has come about?! I've asked, but OP hasn't answered.

DamsonGin · 03/11/2017 19:30

I bet she prefers going by car so she can blag not paying the petrol money.

Cupoteap · 03/11/2017 19:31

I’m glad you are going anyway and a little jealous

cakeymccakington · 03/11/2017 19:32

She said friend couldn't afford train which is why they're driving

Appuskidu · 03/11/2017 19:33

I bet she prefers going by car so she can blag not paying the petrol money.

I'm sure you are 100% right. I just can't figure out why OP agreed.

So, did OP say-'I don't want to drive, let's get the train', but CFF said 'no, I want you to drive!' and OP agreed?!

Appuskidu · 03/11/2017 19:35

She said friend couldn't afford train which is why they're driving

But at that point, the driver says-'but the petrol alone will cost more than your train ticket, let alone parking, so it won't be any cheaper to drive!' etc