To expect payment for ticket .............

[Guardsman18]

Help needed please!
Was very close to friend for years. She's rubbish with money but was good at spending mine! We don't see each other so much, but still chat and I went to her birthday bash a few weeks ago.

It took me a while, but the penny finally dropped and I no longer 'lend' her money. (Think 'loan' for £1000 seven years ago and have only had £200 ish back).

There is a band that we have always wanted to see - I know I sound about 10!), so we agreed that I would get the tickets on my card and she would reimburse me after Glastonbury - very expensive!

Here's the thing - tomorrow is the day we go and I think (know?) that she won't have the money.

WIBU to just not go with her? Am meant to be picking her up at 12 pm.

Basically you need to set a boundary that you feel is reasonable (so you stick to it) and that she has the chance to fulfill (even though she probably won't bother). I would text her tonight that you need the cash right away when you pick her up tomorrow or you will be selling the ticket, and you need her to confirm beforehand that she will have it. Then again at 11 as you planned, asking if she is going to have the cash or can you sell the ticket on. Or ring her if you think you'll be able to stick to your guns. If she doesn't answer, just don't go and pick her up. If she ignores those messages she really hasn't got a leg to stand on.

Don't mess about cancelling stuff now or telling her you're selling the tickets immediately when you know she's probably pissed and doing the macarena at someone's wedding. Make the boundary make sense, to you and to her. You will be much more able to stick to this if you know you're being completely reasonable.

Oh sorry, cross-posted! Good luck, hope she comes up with it! Though ffs, there is no excuse for needing to borrow it from anyone, she has known about this for months.

She's not a good friend Guardsman18. I'm sorry you've been treated like this.

Do you have another friend you could take? If so I'd start asking them now. Forget about her, she's financially abusing you.

Sooo, she doesn't have the money then. And what if her DD won't lend it to her? Good on you mentioning about gas/food/hotel money.

I'd also send a text that she needs to let you know if she has the money before you leave for her house, i.e. "Fine let me know by X o'clock if you have the cash in hand for everything". Otherwise you know you'll show up and she'll be empty-handed. Much easier to 'whinge your way in' face to face. And harder for you to be 'strict' about leaving without her.

She can claim "good to go" is just "do you want to go", not "do you have the money ready."
You have to be much more blatant what youre asking in advance, because I bet if you turned up at hers and she said "oh, I dont have the money right now, Ill pay you back later" you would still take her on her free evening out. These people prey on your desire to not look "mean".

"It's unfair to give a deadline of 8 pm or whatever."
No, it isnt, youve given her at least two chances before today:
" I asked for the money a few weeks back and again a few days ago and now again today."

She really is something special isn't she? Crying poverty about not having money she owes you while pissing it up at a wedding on your money!

Oh dear, telling you where she got the money from feels potentially manipulative. A simple 'yes I have it' would have sufficed, but she feels the need to let you know that someone young, who perhaps needs that money, is having to part with it to fund the ticket.

Ah, shes going for the "I will try and borrow it from my child so youll be taking the money from a child" tactic, thats a classic.

Dont be too surprised if she says she cant pay towards petrol and hotel and food because her childs tiny pitiful piggybank just didnt have enough pocket money saved sniff sniff

Thank you birdie for such constructive advice.

As I said previously - thanks to everyone's answers - I am NOT and I repeat - NOT - going with her if she doesn't have the money to pay for ticket, petrol, hotel, food & drinks.

You have all reassured me that what I'm asking is reasonable

Never mind having enough for her food, hotel, petrol etc she should be paying yours!
I would bet my house that she has the money but is banking on you offering to pay if she gives a sob story.

Well done op! Good for you for sticking up for yourself.

Hope all goes well. (and definitely GO! Sounds an amazing gig. Go by yourself if she faffs around and dance like crazy)

It's really good that you've made it clear you expect her to cover her costs as well as pay the ticket. Hang in there and don't budge!

Oh I do love you lot!

I have a few hours to play with tomorrow - I can get myself there by train in time to book into hotel, have a shower and a meal, go to concert.

I feel quite liberated actually!

Any Birmingham people on here? (I'm nowhere near the place btw!)

What do you want to know?

Yeah Brokenbattle is spot on. The guilt trip has already began. The fact she says ‘I will try to borrow’ means that she hadn’t even planned to cough up until you text. And now she’s trying the guilt card.
I think you need a better friend.

Please make sure you have actual cash for everything before you let her in the car and make sure she's clear about that tonight, you just know she's going to try and get away with only paying you part of it up front.

Hmm the fact that she's said she's got to chase her DD up would suggest she's not got it and doesn't intend on getting it. Please stay strong and ask for money to be transferred before you even collect her

Wait for the "but you are paying for hotel/petrol anyway....." attempt to minimise her costs.

What she said was that she had sorted it (the cash) with her daughter and that she would chase her up now.

No reply to my message of needing £100 + to go as yet.

@Brat - just wondering if anyone in B'ham fancies seeing Jay Kay.

As for better friend - I know and I do have better friends - not many but enough. As I said, I'm a work in progress which is why I posted on here this morning

Maybe reply saying:

"Ah that's a shame you don't have the money yet. I'll be on the Xam train as I don't feel like driving (I was only driving because you wanted to, but as there's a chance of you not coming I'd much rather get the train). See you on the train if your DD is able to help you with ticket and hotel cash xx"

Well,she's had to borrow the money for the ticket, so I'm guessing that the chances of her having the money for petrol, hotel, food are pretty much nil!

I’ve been following your thread all day OP. You sound a little like me.

Even if she manages to find the cash, I’d be reluctant to go, to be honest. You’ve stressed about this all day (and for a long time before) and she’s left you hanging to the last minute, clearly intending that you’d be the usual mug and pony up.

I don’t think I could go with her and enjoy her company. I’d tell her all the stress of this uncertainty, on top of all the cash she continues to owe you, has been too much and you’re selling on the tickets. Then go yourself as you’ve previously mentioned. You’ll have a better time and feel good that you’ve stood up to her.

If she tells you she has the money will you still go with her? I guess I am wondering how you will actually know if she has the money or not even if she says she does?

I can't do the @ thing as I'm typing quickly!
I can promise you, I will stay strong - I am not paying her share. I have done it too many times.

After being on here all day - all day ffs! - I am quite looking forward to a trip alone. No kids, pets, cooking etc. It's a win win for me.
She is a good laugh though - but before you all go on at me - not worth all the money