To expect payment for ticket .............

[Guardsman18]

Help needed please!
Was very close to friend for years. She's rubbish with money but was good at spending mine! We don't see each other so much, but still chat and I went to her birthday bash a few weeks ago.

It took me a while, but the penny finally dropped and I no longer 'lend' her money. (Think 'loan' for £1000 seven years ago and have only had £200 ish back).

There is a band that we have always wanted to see - I know I sound about 10!), so we agreed that I would get the tickets on my card and she would reimburse me after Glastonbury - very expensive!

Here's the thing - tomorrow is the day we go and I think (know?) that she won't have the money.

WIBU to just not go with her? Am meant to be picking her up at 12 pm.

They do ime cos there are always touts/people selling them outside.

Since when in 2017 do people not take phones to a wedding. At best she turned it to silent for the ceremony but can guarantee she has seen your message by now. Peoples phones are now their cameras which everyone has at a wedding. The couldnt check my phone excuse is utter bull. X

Right. Decision made. Last two posters - I agree with you. I should have done this in the past few days as I have always known she had a wedding today. It's unfair to give a deadline of 8 pm or whatever.

What I am going to do is keep the hotel booking, txt her say 11 am asking if we're good to go (meaning, have you got enough cash!) If she hasn't, I will drop the car at the station and go on my merry way. If someone else wants to come with me, then they can, if not it'll be a little adventure.

I agree, I have had some really good advice - so thank you once again.

Lonicera yes, plenty do. My brother goes to the most amazing , sold out gigs by doing exactly that.

What was the £1000 for?

Do people really turn up to gigs without a ticket in the hope that someone turns up with spares?

Yes! I know someone who did this. Guy who had the spare, his girlfriend fell ill on the day of the gig so he took it hoping to sell on. My friend stood outside venue shouting ‘anyone selling a ticket!!’. She got lucky after first shout!

What I am going to do is keep the hotel booking, txt her say 11 am asking if we're good to go

I hope you're not going to be quite that euphemistic in your text though! I would just ring her.

If I was nearby, I would definitely offer to come with you - I love doing spontaneous things like this! Hope you find someone else to go. Have a great time!

Point taken Appu - I shall rephrase. I will ask if she has all the cash needed for the trip!

Definitely be more direct than ‘good to go’ in your text...!

Any Birmingham people on here? (I'm nowhere near the place btw!)

When you text her tomorrow, be specific that if you don't have the money from her you are not taking her. Otherwise what are you going to do if she says 'yep, good to go!' and looks blank when you turn up at her door expecting cash? Being confrontational is harder face to face if you're not used to doing it.

Then keep the hotel, go on your own, have a ball. You don't have to miss out just because she thinks you're the world's most lenient personal loans provider.

@Witchesglove - why? Does it matter? (Genuine question)

What I am going to do is keep the hotel booking, txt her say 11 am asking if we're good to go (meaning, have you got enough cash!) If she hasn't, I will drop the car at the station and go on my merry way. If someone else wants to come with me, then they can, if not it'll be a little adventure.

There’s your issue OP - the “asking if we’re good to go (meaning, have you got enough cash!)”. Don’t ask if you’re good to go ASK HER DIRECTLY IF SHES GOT THE CASH! Not being direct leaves you wide open to misinterpretation and being taken advantage of. SAY WHAT YOU MEAN AND MEAN WHAT YOU SAY!

Have a great time at the concert and start asking round your friends now if anyone would like to go with you - you could always post on Facebook etc saying you MIGHT have a spare ticket and would anyone be interested if it became available (that might give your ‘friend’ a kick up the bum also if she sees it) (and be clear on the price of the ticket from the outset )

My dh and his best mates are going to this as a little 'last fling' for him before our DC1 is born (hopefully v soon but not in the next 24 hrs lol!)
I can just imagine if I bought your other ticket and turned up 9 months pregnant to cramp the style of his lads night!
It's going to be a cracker of a gig though OP, enjoy!

I would text in the morning since she's at the wedding (but I would put money on the fact shes already seen ypur text) and I would start to ask around now if anyone wants to come even for free if she can't pay up. (.i would rather it go to a non c.f. friend for free than give it to her for free.)

Be kind - I'm a work in progress!

I think you need to be more explicit. Don't let her fool you. She knows full well that she owes you. She also knew she was at a wedding today. Have a think about sending this:

Hi! I'm a bit concerned about our plans tomorrow as you haven't paid me back for the ticket, there are going to be other expenses too and, as you know, you still owe me £800 from XXX. Obviously, I can't keep paying for both of us so, if I haven't heard back from you by 10am tomorrow morning, I'm going to sell your ticket to try to recoup some of the money you owe me. Let's have a chat soon so we can work out what to do about the rest. X

I think this will flush her out. Good luck with it.

Oh, and go by train whatever happens, because you want to and what you want matters, OK?!

Hi X,

Do you still want to buy my spare tickets to see Jay Kay or can I sell it on? Need the money yesterday!

Thanks

Look on the bright side OP.
You have finally realised what this 'friend' is like, and you won't be caught again. That's got to be good!

It's really important to put a timescale on when you need an answer by and to be clear exactly what will happen if you don't hear by that point.

I would text that message now, even if the deadline is tomorrow morning - make it earlier than 11am.

'Just to clarify, if I don't hear from you by 9.30am to say you have transferred cash into my account or can give it to me when I arrive at yours, I will assume you are not coming and will take the ticket with me and sell it via a tout when I get there. This time I'm just not prepared to give you the ticket if you haven't paid in advance'

OP, I think that in your head you should now expect to be going alone and her not to be going. Great if you can sell the ticket and if you can't, just write it off as the cost of you making this step forward. If she replies with the money paid or saying she has cash, see it as a bonus.

You must stick to what you say. If she wheedles and offers money at the end of the trip, just say 'no'
If she gets stroppy after the event, stand your ground and say 'can't you see it from my point of view - this had happened before where you hadn't paid before an event and then never paid afterwards - I'd had enough. I don't think we can be arranging stuff in future unless we each pay up front for our own tickets becaue I just don't feel I can rely on you to pay otherwise'

So, email or text now with a clear expectation and timeframe of deadline. Personally I would make the deadline this evening, but if you want to make it in the morning, do.

And after the deadline, just go to the concert and enjoy it. Don't engage in any communication about it all until after you get back.

Bloody hell you've been far too good to her. Id message her now and tell her you've sold the tickets and go by yourself.

How much is the hotel? Just tell her she needs to pay for that for you both plus whatever else (food, drinks, petrol) that makes it even.

Hmmm. Thanks all. I am listening. Just had a fb message to say that yes she will have ticket money (she's lending it from daughter! Not my problem). Going to 'chase' dd up now.

I have replied saying good though you will need £100 plus for hotel, petrol and food.

Will let you know the answer!