To not understand this etiquette 'rule'

[Cheeseontoastie]

I was coming into my children's school a few days ago, I have a pram and another lady with a pram moved hers over slightly as I was coming through (talking like an inch) anyway as I passed she rudely huffed "ugh your welcome!" I was abit taken aback. Now since then (and when ever I do it before anyway) no one ever "thanks" me. I've just moved out the way for a woman and a man and two kids and didn't get any acknowledgement. I also always move my pram out for another one to fit in and it's very rare anyone says thanks they usually just roll it in. I don't expect a thanks but also don't understand why some people get angry/rude about it. So what are the 'rules'?

I always thank people but rarely get a thanks from anyone else. As someone else said upthread there are a lot of low grade bad manners these days.

You should have said thank you

You should also raise your hand in thanks/flash your lights if a driver lets you in or out

You should say thank you if someone holds a door open for you

If they pass you something you wanted

If they offer you something

I'd have probably said 'UGH you're welcome!' had I felt like it too.

It's manners, not etiquette

It’s similar when driving, if someone pulls over to let you pass, you acknowledge them either by raising your hand or by flashing lights quickly if dark. Also when walkers step to one side to let you pass either as a driver or as another pedestrian, you say thank you. On zebra crosssings or crossing a road at any place, when the traffic stops for you, you thank the driver. How have we reached the point where people need telling this stuff as adults?

I’d say thank you, it’s such an English thing to do, thank and apologise to everyone for everything, I still do it though.

OK, OP, since you seem to be able to string a sentence together and get an internet connection and other basics in life, you're clearly not stupid. So I suspect you understand exactly what the expectations are in normal give and take of human interaction, it's just you didn't meet them today and you got (mildly, somewhat sarcastically) pulled up on it. So you are now embarrassed, and you are attempting to cover that embarrassment by telling yourself a little story about how 'I always,' and 'no-one ever'. Give it up, and stop being daft. Make eye contact, look pleasant, say thank you when someone performs a small courtesy that makes your day fractionally easier. Don't sail on by, talking and ignoring the fact that someone has attempted to make your day fractionally easier. Now you know.

I always have to laugh at people who say 'thank goodness the normal people have come onto the thread!' Roughly translated that means 'thank goodness people who agree with me have come on this thread!'

You were rude OP. The other woman was passive aggressive.

But you were rude. Simple as.

On zebra crosssings or crossing a road at any place, when the traffic stops for you, you thank the driver.

You do not have to thank the driver for stopping at a zebra crossing. They are doing what the law requires of them, letting a pedestrian who has already began to cross finish crossing.

I will thank out of politeness but I neither should or have to do either. The driver is not doing me a common courtesy by following the law. They are doing what is expected of them.

Genuinely in my experience 'sorry' is interchangeable!

In my experience, "sorry" is interchangeable with 'excuse me' insofar as it is intended to be a full sentence eğ "Sorry ... do you mind moving?/Sorry ... to disturb you but can I get past? Etc" but most people have taken the cue that you gathering your stuff + saying sorry (and, in my area, a hand gesture pointing towards the door) is all they need to interpret your action as needing them to move, so the rest of the sentence is rendered moot and therefore is left unsaid.

In this case however your seat mate didn't interpret it that way and therefore you should really have finished the sentence asking to be let out rather than just repeating yourself, as she clearly hadn't equated your sorry with "excuse me, can I get past".

I've occasionally been on the bus and needed to check I picked up the right things so leaned down to get a bag to check and bumped my seat mate. In that instance I said sorry not because I wanted to be let out (although it could have been interpreted that way as I was getting my bag and said sorry) but because I was sorry for bumping them, and because they had been bumped they also acknowledged that the "sorry" was an apology not an "excuse me" ...

That doesn't excuse the woman's foul mouthed tirade afterwards but perhaps in future if people don't react to "sorry" alone, follow it up with the rest of the sentence.

I would always say thank you, but I wouldn't be all PA if someone didn't say it.

JonSnows I was brought up to always thank drivers on zebra crossings, because they might not stop next time.

I cannot remember the last time
I moved out of the way for someone and didn’t get a thank you, or at least a smile in acknowledgment. Equally I would always thank someone who’d done the same, irrespective of how many inches they’d moved off course. Sorry, OP - I’m with the lady who huffed at you. My favoured response
Is I’ll just go fuck myself” muttered under my breath but just loud enough that they’ll hear but think they must have misheard me

I would automatically say thank you but think it's a bit rude of her to draw attention to your lack of thanks, maybe she was having a bad day? People almost always thank me for moving my pram and I also live in London.

Next time, I hope this woman sees you coming and does not move an inch. Will you remain mute then? Will you say excuse me? If she moves out of the way for you, will you thank her then?

It's a pity, you did not see her face, as it would have been nice for you to explain later your preoccupation, as you don't really want to unnecessarily make enemies on school gates.

Anyway, this reminds me when I used to make school runs in central London and every time I stood out of the way, no one thanked me, and I was annoyed with the rudeness. One day I got fed up and intentionally told myself I would also keep quiet. I passed this young woman who stood on the side for me and I said nothing, she said your welcome, but there was no sarcasm in her voice, in fact she had a cheerful voice, like she thought I had said thank you. I was do embarrassed, I immediately went back to thanking people. I told my friend the story, and we both like what she did. Now when someone is rude like that, we just say your welcome in a cheerful, happy voice, with a smile on our faces.

A Personal Vendetta because someone rightly pointed out you were rude for not thanking them when you clearly stated she'd moved to make way for you? That's a bit dramatic isn't it?

She's also not the one starting a thread (and arguing the toss with the dissenting voices) about who was in the right or wrong.

^^ clearly misses the point. If the thread was about her I would have made it at the time a few days ago. The thread is about the fact that since then (an before anyway) I have moved out of peoples way and yet am never thanked. So was asking why this is. Like I wasn't today. But everyone has ignored that and has jumped on me not thanking the woman at the school. Maybe all the people who don't thank me are not British?!

Jon why on earth argue over this? It makes the driver happy, what’s your problem with that?

And the "personal vendetta" thing was people saying she probably passes me all the time and I do it all the time to her. Um no the school has 2 different entrances, so I don't always pass that entrance anyway so I can't be "doing it to her all the time."

I think, when anyone does something helpful or kind, I would always say thank you. If people do not thank me, I don't attempt to make them feel bad but I think generally as a society it makes life nicer if we acknowledge when others help us.

I thAnk people for holding doors open. Keeping the lift open. Stopping their car for me at a crossing. Hey I even thanked the woman who picked up the 5p that I dropped out of my pocket today (that I didn't even want) because I was holding my baby. I thank people that go out of their way, inching over a tiny step so someone can pass doesn't require a thank you IMO and obviously people I've encountered agree with me which is why they don't do it to me either and funny how my children have been at the school since February and no one else has taken issue with it.

When I'm out and about on my mobility scooter, people make way for me to pass them on the pavement and I think it's rude not to thank them, same as when a car stops to let me cross the road. Whether or not others thank me has no bearing on it.

I guess a person is either brought up with good manners or not.

clearly misses the point.

Didnt miss the point at all @cheeseontoastie. You were the one that said she moved for you so how could she still be in your way? You are also arguing the toss with anyone who tries to explain politely and nicely to you that it sounds like you were BOTH in the wrong.
Just because someone else doesn't do something doesn't give you a free pass to be equally rude and or entitled.

why on earth argue over this? It makes the driver happy, what’s your problem with that?

I didn't 'argue' over it. I pointed out a driver doing something required of them by law should not expected to be thanked for keeping the law. I've already stated I already thank drivers out of politeness.

I always make eye contact and thank the person and likewise I expect to be thanked. It's common courtesy. I have been known to say 'you're welcome' pointedly at people who don't. It annoys me and sometimes I get irrationally annoyed like this woman clearly did.

But everyone has ignored that and has jumped on me not thanking the woman at the school

Everyone hasn't 'jumped on you' some disagree with you, some agree with you. Tis AIBU after all.