To cook what I want on Xmas day?

[isitginoclock]

So... for the last few years (since the children were born) I have never cooked a full roast on Christmas Day when I've been hosting. We do a roast on either Xmas eve or Boxing Day, and then for Christmas Day we have something else that's easy to prepare in advance - steak and chips, lasagna, slow cooker curry - basically so we can drink prosecco chill out all morning and spend some nice time as a family.

It's always gone down really well with guests. However, this year, my inlaws are kicking up a fuss and saying that they will only come if we cook a full roast dinner. They say that they do a roast when we come over for Xmas so we should do the same.

AIBU to tell them that the steak and chips are staying and they can take it or leave it?

I've never made a traditional Christmas dinner.

We have brunch of smoked salmon & bagels and, when the children were small we had a little tea party mid afternoon then me an dh would have a nice meal when the boys were in bed.

As they got older we just laid the table with lots of lovely food and graze for the evening. Anyone is welcome to join us if they like but I don't specifically invite anyone and we never go away.

YABVU. You go to them and eat their christmas dinner, yet when you invite them to yours its with a "fuck you, eat the steak or fuck off" attitude. Not really in the spirit of Xmas, is it?

You clearly don't like them and don't want them there, so just don't have them over and then eat your miserable steak and chips happily.

Oh and for anyone saying its just a roast: you're not doing it properly.

I would be pretty depressed eating curry or steak on Christmas Day tbh.

Aren't there any alternatives that can be prepped in advance but are slightly more "special"?

If you think ‘curry’ isn’t special you’re not cooking it right.

Mind you we will have to have a (good, organic) roast chicken this year as we are eating with my father. DP cooks that kind of thing.

I quite enjoy being in the kitchen on Christmas day for a bit.

Provided I get to be on my own. Instead invariably what happens is that everyone else gravitates there in a hovery non-helpful fashion and has conversations around me whilst I'm trying to get things ready, when I'd much rather they all just fecked off and drank coffee in the living room.

Oh and all I want DH to do is pour the bloody drinks and instead he waves his hands and goes "Everyone help themselves" which is not realistic when I need free access to the sink and space at crucial bits in the cooking.

Maybe we should just have a lasagne instead or I know when DS was younger and fussy we used to get him Christmas tree shaped breaded chicken portions - maybe I should just heat up a batch of those.

This has nothing to do with what other people think is acceptable on Christmas Day. You want a full roast, fine, have one. The OP doesn't and her immediate family like the current arrangement. This is why Christmas can be so stressful, there are so many people insisting that there is only one way to do Christmas Day - THEIR way.

The ILs have decided that they must be at OP's for Christmas Day and that she must do a roast. Erm, no. She's invited them on the day she will be doing a full roast, but that won't do for them. She's happy for them to come on Christmas Day but won't be doing the full works - that won't do for them either.

Stick to your guns OP.

I enjoy doing the cooking. When I need to escape the crazy present opening for a moment I go into the kitchen to "check on the turkey" (and have a swig of Bucks Fizz).
How often I check on the turkey tends to be proportionately related to how irratating MIL is being and how over excited the kids are getting. It suits me just fine.
I never do any cleaning up though. I go for a walk after lunch and come home to a clean and tidy kitchen.

This sounds like my dream Christmas, OP! Love it.

Oh, it's not 'just a curry'. My uncle is from Kerala, and he, his brother and sister-in-law made us an Indian lunch for Easter once. It was about 15 different dishes and mind-blowingly delicious! MUCH better than a slab of turkey and nasty 'pudding'. Boak!

Cook whatever the hell you like. I always do a roast on Xmas day, but I've not had turkey on Xmas day for over 5 years!

Sod em.

Maybe compromise by doing your roast on Christmas eve, make extra and make up two plates for the ILs to have warmed up on Christmas day.

I don't understand the insistence from some people (mostly in RL) that only the traditional turkey will do. Firstly, turkey is a relatively recent introduction and before that beef or goose or whatever the family could afford was more the norm.
Secondly, traditions evolve according to what works best to suit the people involved and their situation. A tradition which makes people less happy rather than enhancing the celebration is senseless. If the Op and her family enjoy the occasion more with lasagne, or pizza or Haribo they should go ahead and have that. The relatives can either have their own choice of dinner the day before or after, or they can stay at home and cook for themselves.
Even on the (rare) years when we have a roast dinner, we don't have all the usual trimmings. We spent years eating until it hurt because it was expected and what our families have always done, but then we realised we'd both rather have a lighter version which didn't cause actual pain. It also meant that I didn't feel quite so much like the hired help since most of the work fell to me.
In a more general sense I find the quite aggressive horror at someone not conforming in such a minor and inoffensive way quite troubling (this is not so much here, but certainly something I have experienced from family). If masses of fuss, mountains of food and strict adherence to The Rules suits you, then by all means fill your boots. We prefer something more simple and would find the full "performance" Christmas oppressive. If everyone found their joy in the same place, there wouldn't be enough to go round.

We are planning beef stroganoff for Christmas Day and then going out on Boxing Day.

I love your style OP. Agree with sticking to your guns. If they get a Boxing Day roast and you don’t have to see them on Christmas Day then it’s a win win.

When I do have a roast, I prefer it to be all trimmings and no main anyway!

My ILs don’t cook and aren’t really into Christmas - we usually go there every other year for the day and whilst DP and I will cook, we don’t do a roast dinner because my ILs don’t like it (PIL just doesn’t eat veg, I have no idea how he doesn’t have scurvy). It’s a shame, and if it was every year I’d want to do something different, but it’s their house and they don’t have to have anything they don’t want! I’d never dream of insisting on a roast.

Now all I want in life is Xmas dinner. It’s NOVEMBER. I hate all of you.

I love Christmas dinner and am quite happy to cook it on Christmas day, but I don't think you are unreasonable. Your inlaws can either visit when you're cooking a roast, or on Christmas day, or both, but while you're the cook you choose the menu.

You don't dictate that they cook roast dinner when you visit them, they choose to do that.

Your house, your rules. Just glad I'll be spending Christmas at mine!

A roast dinner really isn't hard to do. You can prep some things the night before, or else everyone pitches in to help, or people mill around and chat whilst you cook. I find cooking relaxing and enjoy the family time together leisurely eating a nice meal together.

And as for children who don't like roast dinners . . .

Not to mention instant gravy . . .

It's your kitchen, and you're doing the cooking. Just make sure, though, they don't come despite the steak and chips and then moan about it. After years of imposing my nut roast et al on my family, I have caved into the DCs' demand for pasta and pesto and agreed that this year, that will be our Christmas meal. I mean, I'll miss the roast, but it's gonna be sooooooo easy and cheap and relaxing 😎

I get all the posters saying that it is easier not to cook a traditional dinner due to fussy children. Our dd was one of those fussy children when she was younger. I personally love the tradition aspect of Christmas Day and the fact that it was a big deal in my childhood and I wanted the same for dd.

How will kids get used to this aspect if they don't experience it?

When dd was young and less inclined to eat the full roast I just made sure she had eaten plenty (other than chocolate!) during the day and then let her serve herself from the bowls / platters on the table.

She loved getting dressed in her party dress and sitting at the table with the crackers etc and usually ate something, one year turkey only, one year ham only and one year roast potatoes only. We made no comment but chatted away and it was an occasion iykwim?

Now she is 12 and loves a roast dinner (lots of exposure to them!) and is already looking forward to our christmas.

To us that aspect is as important as the presents and always was.

Dh grew up in a family who did not do traditional Christmas and he LOVED it when he first came to my parents nearly 20yrs ago. He is more into it than me I think, and he loves that dd has grown up with this now too.

We always host in our house and usually have guests

I’ve never cooked a Christmas dinner and have no intention of doing so ever! It’s just a glorified Sunday lunch.

Christmas Day in our house equals me DH & DS eating our body weight in cheese, pate and M&S party food, washed down with a barrel of Baileys (Not DS obvs!)

MIL keeps hinting that I should cook but, as much as I like her, she can get to fuck, it’s not happening!

I’ve spent years bending over fucking backwards, accommodating every pedantic and unreasonable demand request from SIL about Christmas dinner but last year put the tin lid on it for me and I’ve now refused to have her. (She’s DPs brother’s partner and an absolute arsehole)

I made steak pie, gammon, turkey and beef, with 4 different types of tatties, lots of veg, 5 different desserts (all bloody made from scratch I might add) as she demanded requested and then turned her nose up at most of it, and ruined the day with her whinging and moaning. I’ve done this while pregnant, with a poorly baby, and the one year DP cooked curry from scratch she bitched all day. I’ve had enough of people dictating, not contributing and just generally ruining the day with a bad attitude. So it’s just us this year.

Well they are being a bit rude but in their shoes Id stay home on Xmas Day, as I want a roast on that day so Im not going where that isnt on the menu. I'd happily do my own

You do a roast on Xmas & Boxing Day so you could easily do the roast for Xmas day itself instead but I suppose you want to be bloody minded for your own reasons.

Sometimes having guests does mean switching your hosting slightly, if it was a case of "well this is how we always do it so like it or lump it" what would be the point of having guests then? You'd at least have to accept they either wouldn't like that much, or wouldn't come.

Im happy to receive invites but can't stand the controlling of "this is what we do in this house" so if Im aware its that kind of event re person/couple I politely decline. Can't be asked with the passive aggressive Xmas war thing

If you cook a roast on Xmas Eve and its all gone by Xmas day/you can't cook a bit more so that on Xmas day your in-laws can have a roast dinner then yes I suppose you don't like cooking much. You've already made up your mind so, leave them to stay at home. So what if they kick up a fuss.

You already know them hence must have known this would be the outcome so you expected it anyway

Your SIL sounds horrendous Not - what does she really like to eat? And why do you invite her to your home every year?