To cook what I want on Xmas day?

[isitginoclock]

So... for the last few years (since the children were born) I have never cooked a full roast on Christmas Day when I've been hosting. We do a roast on either Xmas eve or Boxing Day, and then for Christmas Day we have something else that's easy to prepare in advance - steak and chips, lasagna, slow cooker curry - basically so we can drink prosecco chill out all morning and spend some nice time as a family.

It's always gone down really well with guests. However, this year, my inlaws are kicking up a fuss and saying that they will only come if we cook a full roast dinner. They say that they do a roast when we come over for Xmas so we should do the same.

AIBU to tell them that the steak and chips are staying and they can take it or leave it?

I love Christmas dinner but a roast can be a bit of a faff. I'm absolutely flabbergasted that you don't make enough on Christmas Eve for the next three days. We have enough to put the makings of Christmas dinner pie in the freezer (turkey, ham, stuffing, pigs in blankets and sausage gravy in puff pastry).

YANBU.

Cook whatever you please.

They are lucky to be invited.

Wow I am amazed at all the people who don't have a traditional christmas dinner on christmas day - it is the highlight of christmas for me. We have always had a full cooked breakfast with champagne in the morning and then we don't eat till evening so when dd was little she had all day to play and interact. We drank wine and had nibbles and then a proper sit down 3 or 4 course dinner starting at about 7pm.

Absolutely perfect for us!

I would not like lasagne or party food or curry on christmas day!

We go out for an Indian meal Christmas Day night. It's always heaving with families every year!

I'm amazed at the people who can't do a Christmas dinner and also soend quality time with the kids. I do dinner usually for around 15 people, prep just about everythng the night before with some help dd in recent years, then just bung everything in the oven or on the hob on the day. It is a pretty simple meal tbh as long as you have the space in the ovens. Lots of family mill around in the kitchen/diner as I prep. Do the main presents after dinner. Then play games the rest of the day or some watch TV. Have a very small tea. And let the dishwasher take 90% of the strain of clearing up. Usually takes about 3 loads to do it.

But isn't the meaning of Christmas to celebrate the birth of Jesus on 25th December? In most cultures celebrations involve sharing a meal. In UK culture at Christmas that has evolved into a tradition of the roast turkey meal. It's just how it is. No one is forced to do this and if you can manage to do this on Christmas Eve or whenever, just change it and do it on December 25th. It's really no big deal. I really, really cant for the life of me see why there has to be so much fuss. It's a bloody roast ffs.

To be honest if they were that keen, I’d tell them they’re welcome to use my kitchen to cook everybody a roast! I completely get your reasoning as to why you don’t want to.

The only reason we have a roast on Xmas day is because my dad loves cooking it (totally his own Christmas treat!)

I really wouldn’t be bothered if we had lasangne or something instead and if I went to someone else’s house I would be pleased with whatever they served.

YANBU OP!

Can see both sides here.

V rude for guests to dictate what they want to eat. But, on the other hand, imagine inviting someone over in their birthday but saying ‘we don’t do cake’ or bonfire night but being against fireworks (assuming guests loved them).

Personally you are both being small minded. Someone has to be the bigger person and accede to the other’s desires. Personally I would cook what the guests asked for while silently thinking that at least one of us knew what good manners meant.

We do the same! I refuse to wear myself into the ground running around after the children and having to cook a big dinner all on the same day. My in laws and husband's family think it's wrong and it's causing problems every year 🙄. They "expect" us all to be together on Christmas morning BUT it's us who have to go to them. The Children have to be there by 8am (the youngest of mine is only just 4) regardless off the upheaval, travel time, father Christmas thing.

This year im refusing and were doing a meal on Christmas Eve and something easy that the Children enjoy on Christmas day. I have told the family this is the way it is. Anyone is invited to any of it. They can all stay (blow up beds if needed) but if they come they do it our way. Theyre all horrified.

I've been accused of being difficult, unwelcoming, selfish (probably yes but in my house ?). The arguments began in august 🙄. I'm standing firm this year. They haven't given my parents (split and on their own) a second thought. My parents are coming over on Christmas day. My DM says she wishes she did it when we were little.

My main reason for not doing it on Christmas day is my DC don't eat roast dinner so I'd have to make something for them. Running around having to unscrew toys from boxes, work out how the kids toys work and having to look and play with everything each of them has including supervising outside play for the outside game or item (scooter for DD this year) easier just to have posh breakfast, cold meat (left over from Xmas Eve) pickles (boxing day type foods) and cake, Xmas pudding, cheese and biscuits at teatime and by xmas day in on my bloody knees.

I’m amazed at the number of people who actually seem to like turkey. Or Christmas pudding. They are both heart-sinkingly nasty IMO.

Also the number of people who say it’s ‘just a roast’. I would have to look up how to cook any of those things. I am an excellent cook but no idea about ‘roasts’.

Roasting is placing meat in a hot oven until it is cooked; that is it!

You should, however, also think how you can keep it moist (application of fat either via butter under skin or basting) and how not to burn the outside (application of foil towards the end). Also you might want to season and other flavour (maybe garlic).

However, it really is very easy.

Regardless of whether roasts are easy or not, I wouldn't do one on principle, it would be giving in to guilt trips/blackmail/bullying. I have done what you have in the past and love having different/easier stuff. If you cook roasts at other times they can come then if they want a Christmas day roast they can do their own. Like pp said you are not a restaurant and its rude of them lay down conditions on their attendance.

Christ I’d be thrilled to have a few less to cater for. Happily accept their offer of them not coming!!!

If you DH really wants them there it’s up to him if he wants to cook the roast dinner. Otherwise you’ve had a lucky escape well done.

My main reason for not doing it on Christmas day is my DC don't eat roast dinner so I'd have to make something for them.

^^I never get this argument, assuming you (and your DH?) enjoy a Christmas meal then why wouldn't you do it for yourselves and let the children have a sandwich/toast or something really simple - they won't starve for one day by not having a 'proper meal' and you don't have to martyr yourself by spending all day focusing on their new toys & not getting a delicious meal? (Unless that is what you choose to do)

My DS doesn't particularly like a roast meal but he accepts that we have one most weeks, and certainly on Christmas Day, because that is what I like to eat and enjoy cooking.

Goodness I'm surprised too.
Last year was the first time in nearly 40 years that I didn't cook Christmas Dinner. When the children (4) were young I prepped most of it the night before. Children were up early and allowed to open stockings and Santa's present. Then breakfast and while they were eating, in went the turkey. Ham cooked on Christmas Eve while prepping. Children helped load dishwasher or peel potatoes or DH ( if home) then cup of tea for me while we opened more gifts. Later on we had a regime where we had one present an hour. This was brill as they played properly with them. If we hadn't been to church Christmas Eve we went for 11am with tea and mince pies after. We aimed to sit down at 2pm and usually did about 2:30pm. Older two set the table and put out candles, first course, crackers while I cooked veg. Roasties went in after church. There were lots of veg and usually one was forgotten but I remember it with fondness. Forgot to mention two were veggie so had to make a veggie crown or something special.
Now we have them all arriving about half an hour before because they all work Christmas Day so timing is around them. Only DD is here (staying)so she helps prep. We have quite a leisurely morning and we do the veggies together with carols on ( which she hates until a favourite comes on), she makes a vegan dish. We always have a few extra now as some young friends have no where to go. Gifts are less so we wait till after dinner.

My sister is vegetarian and discovered years ago that the local Chinese restaurant is open so she goes there and now her eldest and grand children join them. She loves it. Some of her friends and my other sister ( if not working) join her.
Each to their own I guess but I think mine would have missed the special meal. I enjoy Boxing Day left overs and it is my day and friends drop in. If dry we have a long walk. We used to do this with the kids.

Great! Tell them no riast so that that way they won't come

We've had chinese takeaway the last two years. Ordered in xmas eve and bunged in the microwave

Reheated Chinese takeaway on Christmas Day?

I love Christmas dinner and I like cooking. I do not like people. As such, my ideal is avoiding everyone and spending the day in the kitchen drinking lovely Christmas drinks and piddling about with lunch. If this is not your ideal, then don't fucking do it! I also voluntarily do all the washing up to continue avoiding everyone, enforced Christmas fun is my idea of hell. I'd do a lot to avoid joining in with it, doing all the cooking avoids me being the Christmas grinch while everyone else also gets to enjoy themselves and I get to drink vast amounts of sloe gin and champagne in peace .

Lots of family mill around in the kitchen/diner as I prep.

I'm amazed at the number of women who think it's their job (and their daughter's) to produce a roast meal for legion and clean up, too, on Xmas. Or at any guests who 'mill around' whilst a host fags away in the kitchen. Or a spouse who sits back whilst the other does all the legwork.

We don't have a dishwasher, not everyone does. Don't care to spend ages washing up.

Thankfully, though, we're not too fussed about turkey (we get a 3 in one but have had chicken or a goose or a brisket) or that nasty Xmas pudding and we don't live in the 1950s so we both pitch in, get it in the oven and serve up on paper plates we then toss out.

Spent one Xmas at a fellow bereaved parent's home. We had paella. It was superb!

I’m a traditionalist and Christmas lunch is a lovely way of sharing with the wider family. A roast isn’t difficult if everyone pitches in with preparation of vegetables and serving. Not sure what else a large number of people would do that encourages conversation and gives focus to the day after church.
Children who don’t eat a roast meal? Really?
Your house, your rules but your husband’s rules too. My view is that a good host makes sure their guests are considered and happy with the arrangements. Lasagne on Christmas Day - I’d be disappointed too. If it’s about spending time with everyone including the in laws, then surely you’d do something that included them.

Paella

I did a very good Indian lunch one year. Even my Indian mother would have liked it.

I would love lasagne.

I'd love an Indian lunch for Chrimstas. YUM! Turkey's really not my favourite and I have peeled a vegetable in decades. DD2 and DS would be happy just eating the pigs in blankets. I even buy the gravy from M&S. Mmm. Then I toss the container in recycling.

I choose to do the dinner - I like cooking. Everyone else does the clearing up.
I prefer not to have too many people 'helping'. Dss make lots of cakes, mince pies and other christmassy things in the run up. DSis brings the Christmas pud over.