...to think it's possible to go back to work full time after mat leave?

[Jumperoux]

Would work 37 hours over 4 days with DD in nursery. Every other week she would be in nursery on the 5th day of the week so I can do overtime. She'll be 12 months and a bit.

Please give me your best tips. I'm hoping to still be breastfeeding morning/bedtime. I've heard that without daytime feeds then babies can start waking more in the night when mother goes back to work? And the idea of leaving the house for 7:20 fills me with dread. Will I be expected to give her breakfast before nursery? Any tips more than welcome. Wondering if I've made a mistake saying I'll go full time.

carefree the baby has two parents. And you’re only having a go at one of them. Why is that? Why is dad allowed to work ft and not Mum?

I havent read all of the comments but ive gone back to work full time after my twins. I work 12.5hr shifts, three weeks of 3 and a week of 4. It's hard going but I love being at work. I also went to new job while on mat leave so it helps that im kept busy learning lots of new things.

We're very lucky in that my OHs parents do full time childcare for us.

It seems perfectly possible! You must do 50:50 though, it's not just your baby! He'll have to get another job that fits in with your lives. Since having children I have moved job twice and DH once. We now have it just perfect- I work fairly nearby and he works from home. Children at nursery all day (I don't understand what people mean when they say it's a "long day" to be at nursery- they'd be experiencing the same "long day" at home?) and they love it. Nursery is amazing. No family help. My best advice is prioritise sleep at all times. Remember to take care of yourself and I mean basic self care

Carefree....:

FUCK OFF

some of us have it all

I went back full time when dc3 was 5mos. I worked rotating shifts including nights. I bf till she was 18mos. It is possible you just have to be organised and practice your death stare for anyone who wishes to slag you off for finishing on time. Your dh does need to be pulling his weight though.

Some times DH has been able to do one end of Creche drop/collect cycle, other times not. (Like the 4 years he spent 50% abroad!😲)

But while DD was very small, he could drop her and I could collect so we each had a chance to do extra hours if necessary on the opposite end. Or work at home at nights.

But more importantly, DH did lots at home and also juggled to cover DD's illnesses with me - like meeting me with her asleep int he car at lunch as we did a swop (if that worked for HER).

We picked a Creche near both our jobs rather than near home - partly cost and partly being able to get there in a hurry if she was ill, and partly so she commutes with us. So I pulled in to a hotel or other car park to bf a few evenings when she was starving or if traffic was gridlocked. I chatted to her lots and sang lots as we travelled.

When she got bigger, she learned the cycling rules of the road as a passenger on dh's bike going in every morning (so cute seeing the double Hand signals if I ever drove behind them!) and would generally come home on the bus with me so we'd chat away there too.

Perfectly do-able.
And not everyone is cut out to spend every day at home - I love DD dearly but I was more than ready to go back to work (I took a month unpaid before I did but may leave was shorter then).

the advice to prioritise sleep is good. I don't think the question is at all whether it's possible, of course it is, many millions of us have done it. Life is a long game though - you don't have to push ahead with your career at a cracking pace constantly though, it is a choice, and as I said, my worry is that it's clear your DH isn't going to do 50%, you have no family (or friends?) back-up.

You CAN do it, but I do wonder why you want to push yourself that hard right now. I did, I get it, but with the wonderful benefit of hindsight, perhaps I wouldn't again.

the other thing I would do, is sit your DP down and get a concrete agreement of what he can commit to. Lots of the positive posters have the 'but your DP needs to step up' caveat. If that's really not going to happen, you need to know upfront.

I think the baby is already born, so it’s too late for the DP to decide that he’s going to opt out and only do the convenient bits of parenting !

Bubblebubblepop in my own experience nursery was a “long day” for ds as it had much less down time than he would get in the same length of time at home. He is not a child who thrives on noise and bustle though and others would like it better. With my second child I went for a childminder/school nursery combo as I felt he could relax more on the Childminders sofa when he needed to.

I went back to work full time, (12hr shifts, days and nights, 6-6) when DS was nearly 7 months old.

DP works part time and we’re lucky in that my mum looks after DS on the few occasions a month when we’re both working.

I was still BF initially, when I was on days, I got up at 4:30 and fed him before work and then again when I got home.

I stopped BF when he was 9 months but it wasn’t really work related.

Don’t get me wrong, it was tiring, but definitely doable

sadly though, without a clear division of labour where both parents share duties we all know how this goes in reality. Op's said her DH can't do any drop offs or pick ups, has no family back up and presumably it's just her.

It is doable, yes, we can do what we choose to, but I'd say that's a very tough road you've set yourself (from my experience) - in your shoes I'd consider a strictly 4 days a week job, no compression or working extra hours.

Certainly by the time you have a second DC, I reckon you'll really struggle to do all the drop offs, pick ups and sick days mostly by yourself and maintain a fast paced career.

i just re-read - your DH works long unpredictable hours, isn't that well paid, but when you break through, his job will magically become more flexible and he'll be able to do more childcare? How will that happen that his job suddenly acquires these attributes it doesn't have now?

i reckon you need to carve out at least 2 days a week where your DH does pick ups, as a minimum, so you can be free to work late to pursue your promotion prospects.

DH needs to get his work used to the idea that he has children, or seek alternatives imo.

uptheduffy makes a real key point about your child and the environment they can thrive in- my children have never come home from nursery tired or lacking in energy (mores the pity ) so I'm very happy with their activity levels over the day. Some children will thrive in a quieter environment and maybe a childminder or nanny would be more suitable for them

agree bubble, both of mine, OTOH, have often come home from nursery exhausted, find it noisy and really need their sleep. I should've gone down the CM route but preferred nursery for me.

I really think everyone is underplaying the DH's job and lack of flexibility. This will have a huge impact on how OP will cope and has to be sorted.
Not being goady but everyone's situations are so different. I may appear as the voice of doom but I thought I could do it all myself and I couldn't. Though I had a very demanding stressful job, no help and long hours to contend with. It was the lack of help from DH ( he worked away lots) that forced me to change career though. Don't underestimate this.

agree delatron - it's the combination of inflexible DP, no family back-up, no network AND what sounds like a high pressure job, not a cuddly caring environment where people will tell you they grow and stop getting sick all the time and family is always the priority.

Of course its possible! I've done it twice and will do it again in a couple of months once 3rd DC is 9 months old. It is also perfectly possible to continue bf since i've done that too until DD1 was 5 and currently bf the younger two. Reverse cycling is common with breastfed babies and simply means that they 'catch up' on 'missed' feeds during the day by feeding more at night. My best tip on that is to co-sleep! For the rest is just down to organisation and routine, you will get used to it :)

and yes I agree that the DH should be pulling his weight too. my husband always did half of it ie either drop off or pick ups. For a while I used to leave early so he would do drop off and i'd do pick ups. Nowadays its reversed. Doing both all the time is possible but very tiring/stressful and not fair really.

I went back full-time because I had to. It is do-able but hard, main thing is to be organised. Good luck xxx

Yes it is definitely manageable. I have 3 daughters and went back full time after each mat leave. Breastfed morning and evening. Had great support from husband and great childminder. Good organisation helps and it feels tough at first but you soon get into the routine. Good luck with it 😊

Many people do. Being organised at home helps and realising your free time from work will be taken up with a lot of domestic duties unless of course you are lucky to have a lot of help with that. You make your choice and have to realise you will be fully occupied but is not Impossible.

I returned to work ft with both children at 9 months. I worked 37.5 hour weeks. DH was working away during the week so was doing nursery run on my own. Due to nursery opening times I would have found it very hard to work condensed hours without DH doing half or the nursery run and that was not possible. Colleagues do ft hours over 4.5 days which seems to work.

All eminently doable and you just get used to leaving when you have to. I have a finance job so I could work on my laptop in the evenings after the children were in bed if there was an emergency or something needing finished.
Good luck

I returned full time as we couldn’t afford for me to drop hours. Then, we had DC2 and quickly realised that we couldn’t afford me working full time, as the childcare costs were more than DH earned.

So we both reduced our hours, work opposite shifts and no longer use a childminder.

Working FT was tiring. The very worst part was getting the kids out of the house sooo early. I don’t miss that at all.

Would using your annual leave one day a week help?

Good luck, it’ll be fine :)