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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Photos of ex-wife

208 replies

rightroyal · 30/10/2017 20:17

DP and I have been together three years. We visit his mum fairly regularly, she's very independent with a very busy life and is not a poor lonely widow.

DP was with his ex for 20+ years but their relationship broke down about 5 years ago.

Here's the AIBU. His mum has two very large photos of DP and his ex on the walls plus a selection of their wedding photos. One in the dining room I look at whilst enjoying a meal at her house.

AIBU to be pissed off by these pictures? Her house her rules I get it, but FFS!

OP posts:
Lelloteddy · 02/11/2017 09:49

MIL despises DPs Ex. But she still keeps family pictures up and those feature Ex.
My Ex MIL still has photos of Ex, the kids and I displayed in her house.

All secure adults here, capable of not sweating the small stuff. I wouldn’t dream of asking MIL OR Ex MIL to remove photos just to make me feel better or more secure.

Nanny0gg · 02/11/2017 09:59

As a matter of interest, what has your DP done with all his former family photos?

Original poster
rightroyal · 02/11/2017 10:16

@Feedmeandtellmeimpretty - WOW that's the worse one yet! I'm turning this off now and terminating my account. I don't need this abuse! You're utterly vile. Your message was certainly not respectful.

OP posts:
ImListening · 02/11/2017 10:23

there’s a surprise that you’re flouncing!

ImListening · 02/11/2017 10:25

We kept photos up of of uncle & his ex. Luckily we did as they remarried last year - after 9 years divorced!

PandorasXbox · 02/11/2017 10:30

OP you asked for opinions which you got. Obviously not everyone has agreed with you but that’s the name of the game with AIBU.

The photos upset you, it doesn’t matter if people here think you’re wrong or not as that doesn’t change how you feel.

Talk to you partner and get his gist on it.

Alanna1 · 02/11/2017 10:33

Well, I’d perhaps look at doing a whole family studio portrait thing or getting a photographer to come when you’re all together (her too) and some new shots.

Sallystyle · 02/11/2017 10:54

I second Soup's question. Does she have your wedding photos up?

You had a husband in another previous thread so I'm getting confused if you are married or not.

LagunaBubbles · 02/11/2017 12:11

there’s a surprise that you’re flouncing!

Grin
ImListening · 02/11/2017 12:47

Laguna I know, I’ll start a thread in AIBU & expect everyone to agree with me. If they don’t I’ll flounce! Grin

2014newme · 02/11/2017 12:49

No thought for current relationship? Or maybe you have no thought fir mils 20year plus relationship with this woman who is her daughter in law!

BlackBanana · 02/11/2017 12:51

I will be sucking it up, it actually doesn't mean that much to me to be honest

I think we can all see that is not true!

notagain123456 · 02/11/2017 13:08

i dont think you are unreasonable, i wouldnt like it either. My children would find it strange if there were pictures of me and their dad together on display as we are not together but they have pictures to do with as they wish.

notagain123456 · 02/11/2017 13:09

i honestly dont for a second believe most of the posters would be ok with this situation if they were in it.

Fifthtimelucky · 02/11/2017 13:40

I assure you that I would be perfectly happy. I do not see any reason to expunge my husband’s first wife from his mother’s house.

NameChangeFamousFolk · 02/11/2017 13:56

i honestly dont for a second believe most of the posters would be ok with this situation if they were in it

Is it so hard to accept that lots and lots of people simply don't think and feel the same way that you do? Confused

Merryhobnobs · 02/11/2017 14:05

My now husband has been married before. The first few times I visited my in laws they had a couple of the old wedding photos up and another one on holiday with the ex-wife. Eventually my MIL was getting the room with the photos redecorated and took those ones away. I was actually kind of sad. The ex plays no part in any of their lives now (no children) but she was a significant part of their lives and history and I'm certainly not jealous or upset to see a photo of her. In fact I find it kind of sad when people do just lock away years of their lives.

LagunaBubbles · 02/11/2017 14:48

i honestly dont for a second believe most of the posters would be ok with this situation if they were in it

Just because you wouldnt be ok you think everyone will think like you? Confused

Dutch1e · 02/11/2017 17:49

She has a photo up of her son's wedding day. It's her memory and obviously a nice one. For her. Cos she lives there.

Agree with the idea of gifting a photo of you and your DP, you are a nice memory too. You must be as you're there at her table in the flesh while the ex is just a picture on the wall

Original poster
rightroyal · 02/11/2017 18:23

@2014newme that'll be ex DIL. She is no more her DIL than you are! No I haven't flounced - another charming mumsnet term overused! I'm here to defend myself against some very unpleasant people.

OP posts:
Lelloteddy · 02/11/2017 18:53

Grin Has DP given you reason to be so insecure in your status in his family? Or have you always had issues with insecurity? How old are you btw?

2014newme · 02/11/2017 18:55

Yes ex dil. Perhaps she misses her.

Jojobythesea · 02/11/2017 19:10

I think really your dp should say it’s not appropriate. I think most dp’s would maybe think this and mention without being prompted.

rightroyal · 02/11/2017 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NameChangeFamousFolk · 02/11/2017 20:33

OP, I've reported your unpleasant comment aimed at another poster. I do hope it's deleted as it's an appalling way to conduct yourself on a forum like this.

Of course none of us have any idea why your BF's mother prefers to keep pictures of him being married to another woman on her walls, we can only make wild guesses and suppositions, can't we?