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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Photos of ex-wife

208 replies

rightroyal · 30/10/2017 20:17

DP and I have been together three years. We visit his mum fairly regularly, she's very independent with a very busy life and is not a poor lonely widow.

DP was with his ex for 20+ years but their relationship broke down about 5 years ago.

Here's the AIBU. His mum has two very large photos of DP and his ex on the walls plus a selection of their wedding photos. One in the dining room I look at whilst enjoying a meal at her house.

AIBU to be pissed off by these pictures? Her house her rules I get it, but FFS!

OP posts:
greendale17 · 30/10/2017 21:11

YANBU- who keeps up a wedding. photo of their child and ex wife? Bizarre

BluebellGal · 30/10/2017 21:12

Why don’t you gift her a lovely photo of you & DP? My mil covered up my DH ex in her DD wedding pics with butterfly stickers - could that work? But seriously, add another picture into the mix and she’ll get the hint or at least you can choose to look at a picture of yourself rather than the ex wife

greendale17 · 30/10/2017 21:12

Also why hasn’t your partner asked his mum why the picture is on display? Surely he wouldn’t want to see it either

bingbongnoise · 30/10/2017 21:13

I don't envy you having to compete

@redforfilth

Why should anything be a competition? Surely the OPs mum is capable of liking more than one person?

Precisely! So why should the MIL have to take the photos of her son's ex wife down, if she is more than capable of liking one person??? Wink

bingbongnoise · 30/10/2017 21:13

Has the OP answered the question yet as to what her partner thinks?

bingbongnoise · 30/10/2017 21:16

@greendale17

The OP's partner and is ex were together for a generation; his mother would think of her as a daughter. Why the hell shouldn't she have photos of her in her home? Most bizarre to expect her to remove them all, and act like the previous 20 years - and also her son's ex - never existed!

SoupDragon · 30/10/2017 21:17

Does she not have any of your wedding photos up?

Aquamarine1029 · 30/10/2017 21:19

I find it odd and concerning that your partner hasn't said anything to his mother about the pictures. Has he no backbone?

Fruitcorner123 · 30/10/2017 21:19

soupdragon i dont think they're married but a good question - does she have any of you up? Could you give her some nice ones in the right size to replace the wedding ones?

HerRoyalNotness · 30/10/2017 21:20

Sit with your back to the picture and your DP facing it. He might want to do something about it then.

RedForFilth · 30/10/2017 21:21

bingbongnoise if you see my posts prior to that I'm saying she shouldn't have to take them down

MrLovebucket · 30/10/2017 21:22

My mil covered up my DH ex in her DD wedding pics with butterfly stickers - could that work?

Are you serious?

That must be the most bizarre picture in history!

carb0nated · 30/10/2017 21:23

Can't quite believe that grown women are so insecure and petty. The photos are the lady's history and why should she take them down.

It certainly wouldn't bother me.

iBiscuit · 30/10/2017 21:23

I'd find it pretty weird if my ex-mil had photos of me on display. YANBU.

Oldbutstillgotit · 30/10/2017 21:23

Sorry but I think you are BU. Your DH’s ex is the mother of his children therefore - however much it annoys you- there will always be a bond. They were together a long time so why should she remove photos because you are insecure/ jealous. My late much loved MIL had a lovely photo of DH and his ex in the hall and it didn’t bother me in the slightest . Even if it had I would never have asked for it to be removed .

SoupDragon · 30/10/2017 21:24

i dont think they're married

She was apparently married with one step son in September.

Lofari · 30/10/2017 21:24

Next time you go over take a Sharpie and draw moustaches on the photos of the ex.

iBiscuit · 30/10/2017 21:25

Me and her GC, casual snaps, fine. Me in my wedding dress marrying her knob of a son, that'd be weird. Unless it was an oversight.

NameChangeFamousFolk · 30/10/2017 21:28

Sorry OP, but I think YABU.

It's her home, part of her history, and if her grandkids visit then it's nice for them to see those photographs.

I think it would be completely out of order to suggest that she takes them down.

I find it odd and concerning that your partner hasn't said anything to his mother about the pictures. Has he no backbone?

What's 'concerning' about it? Why does almost every single thread have to include a variation on 'it's your DH that's the problem here'?

Mumof56 · 30/10/2017 21:28

The butterfly stickers or drawing moustaches are good options Confused GrinGrin

1DAD2KIDS · 30/10/2017 21:29

Not everyone wants to sanitise history. Just because tgings didn't work out doesn't mean they were not good times. Maybe the mother is fond of those memories? I can understand not liking them but it's her house and it's her house to hold whatever memories she want. I have all the wedding photos and other photos from when me and my ex were together. I doesn't mean I want her back or a threat to another partner. But there were good times That are over now, dosent mean I want to sanitise my past, its who I am.

JemimaLovesHamble · 30/10/2017 21:30

It is either that it was her child's wedding day and so very special to her and she wants the pics up because of him not her, or she is just lazy/not very observant and doesn't really notice them. I suspect the former?

foodiefil · 30/10/2017 21:30

Pictures were down of ex wife before I visited. Odd but try not to read too much into it - she might think you won't notice.

Lol at anyone saying she will be like a daughter to her, blood runs thicker than water and her son will come first not an ex partner

iBiscuit · 30/10/2017 21:31

The GCs can see the photos in an album or something.

As an aside, if and when the Fail stumble across this thread - could they just fuck right off please? Go and do some actual journalism. Or boil your own heads or something. Thanks.

Tryingtokeepalidonit · 30/10/2017 21:31

But she could have the photos because they remind her of a very happy day for her. Also his relationship was part of her life. You cannot eradicate the past. You are happy and secure well then you have to put up with it. If any of my DCs partners attempted to dictate what I display in my home it would cause problems.

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