Photos of ex-wife

[rightroyal]

DP and I have been together three years. We visit his mum fairly regularly, she's very independent with a very busy life and is not a poor lonely widow.

DP was with his ex for 20+ years but their relationship broke down about 5 years ago.

Here's the AIBU. His mum has two very large photos of DP and his ex on the walls plus a selection of their wedding photos. One in the dining room I look at whilst enjoying a meal at her house.

AIBU to be pissed off by these pictures? Her house her rules I get it, but FFS!

Why is it weird, cowbag? It was part of his life. An important part.

I'm not judging you, just giving my opinion. You should expect a range of views and experiences when posting on a public forum.

Maybe they have a very special bond and friendship and just because a new girl comes along she shouldnt have to take them down to suit uou lol what makes you think your going to stay around long enough to make her take them down?

Maybe they have a very special bond and friendship and just because a new girl comes along she shouldnt have to take them down to suit uou lol what makes you think your going to stay around long enough to make her take them down?

I don't envy you having to compete Why should anything be a competition? Surely the OPs mum is capable of liking more than one person?

It’s a bit weird but it’s her house.

I’m on my second marriage, I have no photos of me and my ex in the house or on my phone or anything but I did keep my wedding album. My now husband was a bit when we moved in together and I said I wasn’t throwing it out, but I just didn’t want to. I have no residual feeling for my ex or anything and we haven’t been in touch for years, but I loved my wedding, I looked lovely and it was part of my life. I’m not ashamed of it and I’m not going to pretend it didn’t happen. One day I might like to see those photos and so they live in our loft in a box. DH understands and isn’t bothered about it.

Maybe it’s something like that? She doesn’t want to airbrush the ex out of history? I do still think it’s odd to have the photos up though...

Provide her with some lovely new photos of the two of you. The right size to go in those frames.

I understand why it irks,but I think you’re unreasonable.
your mil can have photos of whomever doesn’t need to consider your preferences
Nor should she have to remove the photos or change their prominence,to please you

I'm certain DP doesn't want to be reminded of her either.

Have you actually asked him?

Either way, this isn't a hill I'd want to die on in your place, OP.

I suspect that she genuinely hasn't realised they're still up. It's a bit odd to display the wedding photos of a divorced couple, so I'm sure it's an oversight.

If she removed the pictures surely her grandchildren would question why they mother has been effectively erased from their grandparent's house?

She was the woman's DIL for many, many years so it's her choice to keep the pictures up.

I can understand why you are upset but I think you need to be the better person and just suck it up for the children's sake.

There's nothing you can do about it. It's her wall. Her memories.

I'd be uncomfortable too but then...why? She's his ex wife....gone.

If I were the MIL it would just be a result of me never putting up or taking down pictures. YANBU to be irked but you have to decide if you want to carry on being annoyed by it or risk raising issue (with DH to raise with her?) and potentially having it be awkward.

Maybe shes just forgotten to take them down, Sounds like it if she isnt particularly complimentary of her. And no I wouldnt like it either.

YABU. It sounds like you feel insecure in your relationship with your partner. If you suggest to her or your dp that she should move the photos then I think that is how it will come across, like you feel insecure.

Why does it bother you so much? You know they are not together and he is with you. I can sort of understand why it bothers you and she may well take them down if asked but I think you should think whether there are reasons this effects you.

Good luck. Remember he is with you.

It’s hard one, have you told DP they bother you, would he speak to his mum? She probably hasn’t even thought of it, those pictures must have been in her house for so many years I doubt she’s doing it to upset you. My grandma still has my parents wedding pictures up they split 10 years ago. She has my aunties wedding pictures up too and she left her husband nearly 20 years ago.

Note that the people critisising the OP and saying she is insecure/immature are the same ones saying "my ex mother in law has photos of me all over the house and I'd be ever so upset if she took them down". Ignore these commentators OP, they are not impartial and are being precious about their own situation ! I'd wouldn't give a shit if my ex MIL removed photos of me...in fact, id think she was weird if she hadn't as we are not in contact !

She's the grandchildrens mother. you have no right to demand her removal.

They are you boyfriend's mother's pictures. Again you have no right to demand what's hanging on her wall am

We've got a photo in our house with my oh and his ex wife. He asked, I said fine. People have previous lives with important people. You can't just erase all that. Wedding photos when marriage over maybe not.

Also I dont see how it makes you insecure not liking seeing pictures of your husband and his ex. Pretty normal really.

You dont come across to me as insecure OP.

I wouldnt like this and think it's inappropriate to have photos of weddings up when the couple have divorced. If she has one photo with the ex wife in perhaps from a memorable holiday or something I would say thats fine but several of their wedding is not right. I know my DM doesn't change the photos she has up very often which is why I.suggested she just hasn't thought of it/ got round to it. DM is of a generation who got photos developed and now they are all on her phone she doesn't really know what to do with them.

What does DP say?

Don't understand why she doesn't just take them down. When your adult children move on to new partners that's just what you do. You understand that your DD/DS new partner doesn't want to sit eating a meal at your house facing their dp's ex. You put the photos in a cupboard. It's really not difficult to comprehend.

She might not have even realised. If they were married for 17 years then the pictures may well just blur into the house decor for her. Maybe just ask DH to have a gentle word?

I'd say 'oh is that her?' At the next meal . I bet she hadn't given it any thought

Can you sit on the other side of the table?