I'm telling him it's over today.

[bodytrappedmindnotstopped]

I’m saving me and my DC from this awful situation. Handhold please

Presumably to provide evidence should it be needed. Notes made at the time carry more weight, I believe, than recollections some time after which might not be so accurate. A log would have a time and date on it.

@MaidOfStars I asked my Mum the same thing! She said so that I can look back on it if I’m feeling weak to make me realise why I started the process of ending it to begin with. She thinks it will be eye opening to actually see it all written down

He actually called me whilst I was with his mum today (he didn’t know I was with her at the time) and he hung up on me because I wasn’t where I was supposed to be (shopping). She was surprised that he hung up on me about something so trivial. I nearly cried which seems silly as it’s no big deal but it gets to the point where I can’t take anymore and these little things like hanging up on me send me over the edge.

Understood body I wondered if it would be a personal thing, rather than something you could see the police requiring?

OP I think you just need to get out of there to your mums. For all his mums well meaning-ness she is still HIS mum and you need your family for support primarily.

I would not bother talking to him tonight. It's not going to end well is it? If he is shouting at your children then priority no 1 is getting out of there, end of story

He hung up on you because you weren't where you were supposed to be?

You do realise how extremely controlling that is, don't you? Please leave and take your children with you. Go and stay with your parents. And yes, keep a log of everything.

You are so strong, op. Good luck

@DistanceCall I know. It’s so wrong. I think that keeping a log of it will also keep me strong. Just today alone there have been 3 incidents which have had me on the brink of crying. Him swearing and shouting in front of the DC, hanging up on me and then just now when he asked why I’m ‘so unhappy’ and I referred to his mood swings he claimed that I should be angry with the DC for their behaviour not him.

He's abusive. You're absolutely doing the right thing, for you and for your children. Don't try to argue with him. It's over.

Just get out of there and stay with your parents. School will understand. You can sort things out from the distance, and with your family's support.

You're being very strong and brave, but you have to go.

Holding your hand OP, you can do this. Stay safe you and your DC.

to you OP. You are absolutely doing the right thing for your children.

Thank you everyone. I’m thinking back to the things he’s said and done that have really stuck with me. It’s hard but it’s spurring me on. Going back to a year ago- I went through a stage of feeling quite anxious and not being able to sleep. I went to the GP who prescribed me some pills. I came home, confided to my partner to tell him about what had been troubling me and told him about the pills. His reply was ‘Oh for fucks sake. Are you joking? You’re not seriously going to take those happy pills are you? The doctor will probably get social services involved now.’ That should have been a lightbulb moment. But no. I stayed and didn’t take the pills. I did get better after a few weeks but his complete lack of empathy for how I was feeling was just awful.

If he cared for you, even if he thought that pills were not the solution, he would have worried about your unhappiness. He couldn't care less.

In the nicest possible way OP, you don't need to stick around and log., you need to leave. You already know how abusive he is, and how he has, and is continuing, to make you feel.

Hope you're Ok OP

@Rinoachicken I’m ok thank you. We haven’t really spoken much. He knows somethings wrong and I imagine he will start playing the nice guy again today. I could really do with not going to work and just rant and rave to someone all day

Don't be fooled by the nice guy act...my h has been the perfect husband and father since I told him and it's enraged me that he's perfectly capable but has been happy to let me do everything in the past!

If you really feel you have to go into work, why not use the time to talk to HR or your boss and let them know what is going on.

I'm sure they will be able to reassure you that if you do decide to go to your mum's while you sort things out, they can give you some time off.

It might also be a good idea for someone outside the family to know that you are at risk. If you don't arrive for work, they won't take his word that you are sick etc.

@Angelicinnocent Yeah that’s a good idea. I’m going to go in and try and get on with it but let my manager know what’s going on. I just feel like running away from everything but I know that’s not the answer

@lanbro I know it’s all an act when he’s being the nice guy. He’s even said in the past he has to ‘really try’ and I should be grateful for the effort. I’ve told him before he shouldn’t have to ‘try’. He should just be a nice person but he’s not.

Body normally running away isn't the answer but in this case, if you take your DC and "run away" to your mum's house, it probably is the answer.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do though and keep talking

Be careful you don't lose your momentum and end up staying and just trucking on same as before.

Definitely tell them at work. You may need time off to get the kids settled.

You'll feel so much better when you're out of this situation, OP, you'll wish you'd done it much sooner.

Huge handhold from me.

The more people you tell the easier it is

Hope you have a constructive day OP, and feel that you are on track, by the end of it. 🌸