If there's not enough food for everyone you don't choose favourites?

[apintofmilk]

I may well be being unreasonable. But I'm due a period and grumpy and hormonal. Oh and dieting.
So we went to my mums for roast dinner tonight. She knows I'm on a diet and I've been really good all week so I can enjoy a naughty home cooked roast which I've said numerous times.
Anyway we all sat down and my mum said "this ones apintofmilk's". I thought nothing of it until the end of the meal when I see my husband, sister and her husband all appear to have stuffing balls AND Yorkshire puddings on their plate and the other 3 adults (my mum dad and me) and 2 kids (too little to have stuffing to be honest) do not.
So I got a bit pissy and asked why and was told that there wasn't enough for everyone so they weren't bothered re not having any and they decided out of everyone else that I should go without. I said "well did you not think of halving Yorkshire puddings, or giving one person stuffing and one yorkshires" and they just answered "no".
I went mad. I just feel like I'm constantly bottom of the pile and was fucking annoyed they thought I should be the one to go without (not to drip feed my sister is also on a diet as we go together so nothing to do with me dieting).
Surely if you don't have enough food for all your guests then everyone should go without and they could have had the stuffing balls and yorkshires mid week on their own.
Also fuming that they tried to hide it from me and didn't explain at the start, they just tried to be sneaky and hoped I didn't notice.
Please tell me I'm not being unreasonable. I know how lucky I am that I even have a family that invite us to dinner etc etc. But tonight really fucking annoyed me.

I'd have been pissed off if I was given less food, especially if it was the last in a long line of being treated badly.

I get you OP - it’s the unfairness of your parents assuming you could do without, whilst everyone else gets a full portion. And for your sister to get a full portion makes you feel as if you don’t matter to your parents as much as she does.

Stropping wasn’t ideal and that could have been the hangry coming out. But you do have a point with the unfairness.

For all the posters saying it’s nothing to get worked up about - would you really give one of your children preferential treatment instead of sharing equally?

She's not behaving childishly. She's rightly upset. She showed her displeasure without creating a huge scene. What else should she have done? Just sucked it up until the next time?

You do need to discuss this with your dp and get him on board. He needs to stand up for you next time in any unfair treatment and he needs to bloody share.

I wonder if you are normally more passive than your sister so that's why they pacified her and you went without? I also wonder if your dh normally treats you respectfully or is this a symptom of you being a doormat generally? Do you have a mutually respectful relationship op? Or if we delved further would we be heading over to the relationship boards?

You are so not being unreasonable and so many posters are harping on about the diet and food issue which is so not the point of your thread.

Also you said you were sorting DC - were was you DH in all that? Did he leave you to sort them before you could eat - because that would have brought out the hangry too!

No idea why you’re getting such a hard time op. Your parents were twats and your husband should have split his extras with you. Don’t think he should have had to give his dinner to the kids though.

Is this genuine? How could they have only made three Yorkshire puddings or stuffing balls?

Have you considered therapy? Not to discuss the bare necessities of a roast dinner, but to help you deal with your emotions. I understand you are upset and it's an ongoing issue in your family, but you sound so wound up and frustrated by everyone around you.

Aren't you reinforcing the "unfair treatment" by noticing it and reacting to it? Rise above it.
Five varieties of veg is a lot of trouble to go to by my standards.

It worries me that so many posters just can't understand the real issue here. What happened to emotional intelligence?

If anyone is likely to kick off between me and my sister then it's me. I'm quite firey and temperamental so god knows why they constantly do things they know will upset me. It's like they see it as a joke, they know they'll get a reaction from it so they do it all the more. Plus they don't like me because I stand up for myself and don't just go along with what they say if I think it's unfair.
I'm very black and white about what's fair and about treating my kids the same.
And I'm deffo not a doormat re my husband. I think he joins in with my parents when they don't treat me nicely because he's quite quiet and easily led. When we are back at home he'll agree that they've treated me badly but he likes to keep the peace so he'll never stick up for me.

Calm down dear

See when women complain about being treated unfairly, there's always this chorus of "Calm down dear, stop overreacting". In other words "Suck it up, no one cares if you are upset".

I bet no one ever gave their son less nice food than other people at the table.

Fuck that. Cook your own dinner at home and stay there. How rude not to offer a fair amount of food. I’m cross for you. I’d be tempted to never go again! I don’t think anyone understands what it is to deny yourself all week on a diet for a treat at the weekend, to have it snatched away from you.

It's not about posters not having emotional intelligence.

I wouldn't have kicked off at my mother in front of my dc about not having extra food.

A) it's no way to behave in front of children
B) it's hardly giving them a good example
C) it wasn't the mum who humiliated OP, she managed that all on her own, and
D) she's giving her dc really bad habits when it comes to food!

It sounds like everyone else was having banter and OP stropped and created a situation. Because of a stuffing ball and a Yorkshire pudding...

Miss Eliza they were leftovers in the freezer.

Anyways I'm over it. Got home, had a moan on here, a nice glass of wine and an Alpen light bar and I'm off to bed after being awake since 5.30am with this clock changing business!

Oh goodness, from your last post it sounds to me like you're just hard bloody work and probably always have been. The only ones I feel sorry for are your husband and BiL. Gatherings with your family must be a nightmare, especially with you 'kicking off' for any perceived slight against you .

Always banter at my expense tho

It worries me that so many posters just can't understand the real issue here. What happened to emotional intelligence?

Oh ffs.

Many of us have shitty family issues to handle. It is perfectly valid to say that losing your temper and 'the silent treatment' is an immature way to approach those issues.

Is it at your expense or do you just have a short fuse about everything?

You described them as tip-toeing around you. That's a horrible atmosphere to create in someone else's house, around your dc. It really is.

I totally disagree Mad Mags. It is absolutely about emotional intelligence.

And who thinks it is good for kids to see a mother treating one daughter less favourably than another? The OP was perfectly justified in standing up for herself. And that is a good lesson to teach children.

It's not a good lesson to teach children to be irrationally fussy and just eat of someone else's plate.

It's not a good lesson to teach them that you're being "good" and "naughty" around food.

It's not a good lesson to "kick off" and have people walk on eggshells around you because of your temper.

Then you need to make sure that he does stick up for you. Silent treatment isn't the answer. You need to make him understand why he needs to do it.
Perhaps they don't take you seriously because they just think it's you kicking off again. Can you look at ways of getting your message across assertively rather than aggressively?
Counseling to help you deal with your dysfunctional relationship too, or at least reading up on the psychology of family dynamics. This may be a pattern you've all fallen into, but it's unhealthy and needs to be changed. Your dh needs to be clear that it's affecting your relationship with him too, and that he can't afford to be a bystander in this.

Good luck op. This needs to be addressed but not at the moment of the trigger point. It needs to be dealt with when every one is calm and it needs assertiveness, not stroppyness.

I think it's good to show your children you stand up for what's right in life and don't allow yourself to get treated badly. It's a worse message if I show them that it's fine and normal to treat people unfairly and unequally.
Honestly my family get kicks out of treating me badly, winding me up, making me cause a fuss by sticking up for myself and then all nod and discuss how unreasonable I am in a little huddle.

There are plenty of ways to stand up for yourself without kicking off.