If there's not enough food for everyone you don't choose favourites?

[apintofmilk]

I may well be being unreasonable. But I'm due a period and grumpy and hormonal. Oh and dieting.
So we went to my mums for roast dinner tonight. She knows I'm on a diet and I've been really good all week so I can enjoy a naughty home cooked roast which I've said numerous times.
Anyway we all sat down and my mum said "this ones apintofmilk's". I thought nothing of it until the end of the meal when I see my husband, sister and her husband all appear to have stuffing balls AND Yorkshire puddings on their plate and the other 3 adults (my mum dad and me) and 2 kids (too little to have stuffing to be honest) do not.
So I got a bit pissy and asked why and was told that there wasn't enough for everyone so they weren't bothered re not having any and they decided out of everyone else that I should go without. I said "well did you not think of halving Yorkshire puddings, or giving one person stuffing and one yorkshires" and they just answered "no".
I went mad. I just feel like I'm constantly bottom of the pile and was fucking annoyed they thought I should be the one to go without (not to drip feed my sister is also on a diet as we go together so nothing to do with me dieting).
Surely if you don't have enough food for all your guests then everyone should go without and they could have had the stuffing balls and yorkshires mid week on their own.
Also fuming that they tried to hide it from me and didn't explain at the start, they just tried to be sneaky and hoped I didn't notice.
Please tell me I'm not being unreasonable. I know how lucky I am that I even have a family that invite us to dinner etc etc. But tonight really fucking annoyed me.

You went mad over a roast dinner, so yes, YWNU. It's not okay.

and 2 kids (too little to have stuffing to be honest)

I'd let them have have stuffing. Bloody lovely stuff.

Your husband is the problem

The 'no further explanation needed' MN classic

All the people at the table apart from you, your mum and dad!

I'm with Serin at my mums house if there was an issue with servings it would be me and my mum that went without as she'd hope I wouldn't kick up a fuss.

Maybe they were embarrassed about the lack of food?

Why do you go?

My husbands getting the silent treatment don't worry.
And in fact it's just come back to me... when my parents said "this one is apintofmilk's plate" I even said "oh that's probably mine as I ask for less meat than everyone else" as I get full after too much meat. At this point the other 3 sniggered and started eating dinner. I reckon the fuckers knew from the start they had extras and I didn't. My husband will deny that tho I expect.

OP you need to put this behind you and not let it ruin the rest of the weekend. You haven't said what your parents responded with when you showed you were cross? Perhaps you need to have a conversation with them about why you feel 'bottom of the pile' and what they can do about this. I can't help but feel it may have been just a bad 'in the minute' judgement by them. They found a few yorkies and stuffing balls lurking in the freezer , decided to use them up at their informal family meal. Perhaps they have the impression you are taking your diet more seriously than your sister, and concluded they were helping you by not giving you any. I'm only suggesting this as it easy to jump to bad conclusions and not give people the benefit of doubt sometimes. Listen, life is too short to get upset over stuff like this. Have that glass of wine, and try to focus on the positives.

Yanbu. Weird behaviour. If you don’t have enough you divide food as fairly as you can and have less as hosts.

It's not the food it's the way you were treated.
My family is the same, all of the little things sound petty on their own, and invite ridicule when you voice them, but when you add them up you just feel shit.
I have low contact with all of my family, and my confidence has soared since. It's horrible to feel like everyone else is so much more significant than you.

But all the guests had extra bar me

If you look at it from the perspective of your parents doing without, the children doing without, and giving the unrelated (by blood) guests (sons in law) the extras first (as is polite), the choice would just be between you and your sister.
I don't know if I would actually call myself a 'guest' in my mother's home. I'm family. (If my mother were alive i.e.)

In response to your question, when I had a moan about it they just made me out to be the unreasonable one. I got a straight "no" when I asked if they'd considered dividing the food out.
As soon as I made a fuss my mum basically told me to stop being so pathetic and called me childish when I said that it made me look like an idiot in front of everyone. They don't care about my feelings. As long as everyone else is happy. Anyway I'm planning on steering clear of the lot of them for a few weeks.

I am quite surprised you feel so strongly about this to talk about it on Mumsnet.

Or just start a new account to specifically moan about it. I can't believe you're giving your husband the silent treatment over it, how is any of it his fault? If I was him, I'd be chucking a snickers in your direction and telling you to get over it. Sounds like your parents aren't the only ones with a history of difficult behaviour in your family in all honesty. Sulking is very childish.

I've not started a new account. I've name changed as I do every few weeks as I think a lot of things I put on here could be identifying. Not in a bad way, but just naming my own child on baby name threads and then commenting on birthing suites in my local area etc. It doesn't take much to add up who you are in real life.

I think your mum was right.

You embarrassed yourself by making such a big deal of it.

So my mum hasn't embarrasses herself by showing non blood related family that she's happy to treat one child so differently to another and happy to humiliate her and make her look small and unimportant in front of other people?

If the parents had decided to go without & give a "whole" ypud & stuffing to SiLs-why not divide the rest between their daughters?

I can see that she wanted to accomodate your sister's plans-but not at the expense of cooking what GC would have eaten!

apintofmilk name change I can accept. You haven't explained the silent treatment of your husband, can you honestly not reflect and see you have/are behaving childishly? I don't quite know if you've always had a rather immature streak and your parents are exasperated by it, or if they have always treated you like a child and you're 'living up to it' as it were. Maybe a mixture of both...

I'm with you on this - haven't read all posts but I'd be pissed off too! Yorkshire puds are the best thing on a roast dinner - take your own next time (and pigs in blankets & stuffing - take a foil package out of your handbag and turn it into a proper roast dinner) sod em and go eat a bar of galaxy! :)

So my mum hasn't embarrasses herself by showing non blood related family that she's happy to treat one child so differently to another

To the tune of one stuffing ball and one Yorkshire pudding.
That perhaps she didn't think you'd give a second thought.

I think you’ve under reacted!
I would swiped everyone’s plates off the table, eaten so much pudding there wouldn’t be enough for those that had stuffing and yorkies, and then kicked my DH out for being on their side and not sharing his.
What a bunch of cunts....I think you should ignore everyone’s phone calls for 6 weeks then invite them round for a make up dinner and only provide plain boiled Pasta whilst you tuck in to a lovely spag Bol.

I’m sorry if this is a serious AIBU. 😂

Why I'm annoyed with my husband...
He did not give any of his dinner to the kids when they were hungry and wanted more, I had to go without even though he had extras.
He sniggered at the start when the plates were dished out as he noticed that every other "guest" had extras but I did not.
When I spotted his Yorkshire pudding he replied "not a chance".
I feel like he sided with my mum and family when they were treating me badly.

The fact that you're giving your husband 'the silent treatment' makes me think that you possibly need to work on how to deal with conflict in a more mature way.

Whatever the rights and wrongs of how the meal was dished up/the history, losing your temper at the dinner table and then dishing out 'the silent treatment' are both slightly immature ways of dealing with issues.

what a cheeky bastard, he deserves a night on the sofa

How old are you?? 7?? You sound like my kids who used to count their baked beans.

He did not give any of his dinner to the kids when they were hungry and wanted more, I had to go without even though he had extras.

He did the right thing, you shouldn't have shared with your fussy children. Either they are what was in front of them or they waited until later. You're the one giving them the idea of 'if I don't like this, it's ok I can just have extra of what I do want'.

He sniggered at the start when the plates were dished out as he noticed that every other "guest" had extras but I did not.
When I spotted his Yorkshire pudding he replied "not a chance".
I feel like he sided with my mum and family when they were treating me badly.

It's not his fault your parents unfairly shared out food, he probably was making a joke out of it (and probably hoping his grumpy, fad dieting, pmsing wife wouldn't kick up a fuss). You're being very unfair on him.

It's irrelevant how old I am.
Whether my kids are 4 or 40 I would never purposely give give one something so the other had to go without when it could have been shared. I think it's bad manners and really hurtful.

I'd of just put them in a bowl on the table and said there's not enough for everyone so you can thrash it out between you all.

But unfair the way she done it TBH. And I'd of been a bit annoyed too but don't think I'd of went mad.