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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

If there's not enough food for everyone you don't choose favourites?

391 replies

apintofmilk · 29/10/2017 19:03

I may well be being unreasonable. But I'm due a period and grumpy and hormonal. Oh and dieting.
So we went to my mums for roast dinner tonight. She knows I'm on a diet and I've been really good all week so I can enjoy a naughty home cooked roast which I've said numerous times.
Anyway we all sat down and my mum said "this ones apintofmilk's". I thought nothing of it until the end of the meal when I see my husband, sister and her husband all appear to have stuffing balls AND Yorkshire puddings on their plate and the other 3 adults (my mum dad and me) and 2 kids (too little to have stuffing to be honest) do not.
So I got a bit pissy and asked why and was told that there wasn't enough for everyone so they weren't bothered re not having any and they decided out of everyone else that I should go without. I said "well did you not think of halving Yorkshire puddings, or giving one person stuffing and one yorkshires" and they just answered "no".
I went mad. I just feel like I'm constantly bottom of the pile and was fucking annoyed they thought I should be the one to go without (not to drip feed my sister is also on a diet as we go together so nothing to do with me dieting).
Surely if you don't have enough food for all your guests then everyone should go without and they could have had the stuffing balls and yorkshires mid week on their own.
Also fuming that they tried to hide it from me and didn't explain at the start, they just tried to be sneaky and hoped I didn't notice.
Please tell me I'm not being unreasonable. I know how lucky I am that I even have a family that invite us to dinner etc etc. But tonight really fucking annoyed me.

OP posts:
Original poster
apintofmilk · 29/10/2017 21:50

I feel like I'm on an entirely different planet, where most people get served an entirely different meal to their siblings, for no reason whatsoever, and that it's completely normal.

OP posts:
Squarerouteofsquirrel · 29/10/2017 21:52

Op. Agreed your parents should have given out food in better way. But is there a chance that they also occasionally treat your sister unfairly too, it’s just that you make more noise about it.

MadMags · 29/10/2017 21:52

Your behaviour was no more normal than theirs, Pint.

C8H10N4O2 · 29/10/2017 21:52

Adults might understand there's more going on, kids general don't

So tell me, considering we have so many discussions about the impact of parents behaviour on the youngest of children - what is the magic age at which children are aware?

That's why mature people find better ways of dealing with repressed anger than to childishly flounce over a roast.

Mature adults don't play favourites with their children and continue it into adulthood.

Oh the OP would have been better not to let them wind her up like this but to blame the one routinely left out/put second seems a remarkably odd thing to do.

Scabbersley · 29/10/2017 21:53

I genuinely wouldn't have cared. And my parents are nuts! You sound like you have ISSUES with your parents and I suggest in the nicest possible way that you try to work them out. Losing your shit just makes you even more vulnerable.

Mittens1969 · 29/10/2017 21:54

This is clearly about more than Yorkshire puddings and roast potatoes. You feel that you’ve always been treated unfairly and that’s why you overreacted. What I don’t understand is that you don’t have enough awareness to realise that you overreacted and that your behaviour was well OTT. Not a good example for your DCs.

It does surprise me that there wasn’t enough food though. Your parents are not very good hosts by the sounds of it.

NameChangeFamousFolk · 29/10/2017 21:54

I feel like I'm on an entirely different planet, where most people get served an entirely different meal to their siblings, for no reason whatsoever, and that it's completely normal

Okay. So that does make the whole thing about the stuffing and Yorkshires then...

OP, I don't think you'll listen to anyone other than the posters telling you that it's everyone's fault except yours.

I'm out.

SpareASquare · 29/10/2017 21:55

So my mum hasn't embarrasses herself by showing non blood related family that she's happy to treat one child so differently to another and happy to humiliate her and make her look small and unimportant in front of other people?
By not giving you a yorkie and a sausage stuffing ball? Confused

You gave away your potatoes so willing to go without but you miss out on a yorkie and some stuffing and you have a tantrum.
I'm sure if your mum had piled your plate you'd have had the same reaction because, you know, how dare she not be considerate when you're dieting.

Such a poor example for your children. The 'standing up' for yourself is NOT the lesson they've learnt here.

Wightintheghoulies · 29/10/2017 21:55

I feel like I'm on an entirely different planet, where most people get served an entirely different meal to their siblings, for no reason whatsoever, and that it's completely normal.

It isn't 'normal'. What you seem not to be getting is how you reacted (and your general attitude to food) isn't normal or ok either. Especially if you think you're setting a good example to your children.

BlondeB83 · 29/10/2017 21:58

You lost me when you started calling Yorkshire puddings ‘yorkies’.

YAB massively U.

ElizabethDarcey · 29/10/2017 21:58

Well nothing at all but that's not the point. Why on earth should she? It wasn't the food itself. Her sister and the other guests got two extras but she didn't for no reason other than that is the norm. That she gets unfair treatment all the fucking time.

Why on earth should she cook food that she wants for herself in her own home if she's not happy with what her host provided? Er, because she's an adult?

If she doesn't like it, don't go. Flouncing to another room because you didn't get some food you wanted is ridiculous. I'd be ashamed to behave like this.

Wightintheghoulies · 29/10/2017 21:59

So tell me, considering we have so many discussions about the impact of parents behaviour on the youngest of children - what is the magic age at which children are aware?

There isn't one specifically, however under the age of three certainly isn't it. These are deep seated psychological issues that quite frankly any decent parents wouldn't bring up in front of children regardless of age. Young children don't need to be in the middle of an emotional war between parents and grandparents, even if they can understand the situation.

Whinesalot · 29/10/2017 21:59

Bloody hell . The kids got half a roast potato from their mum's plate because the veg that they will eat wasn't present - despite their mum providing it in advance. How many posters kids eat every single type of veg? Exactly what food issues are being passed on here? She's not giving them nicer food at every meal at home instead of healthy veg. She was trying to ensure they weren't hungry at granny's because granny had pulled the meal forward to please the sister and not had time/couldn't be bothered to cook veg they like.
Hardly the crime of the century. I'd go so far as to call that good parenting. It was a one off.
Many granny's wouldn't need veg providing for them in advance anyway. My kids lovely sets of grandparents knew which veg my kids would eat and would make sure it was available off their own backs.

I think the food issue has clouded the real issue and many posters lack the intelligence to see that. Mumsnet had changed over the years. I'm astounded by the stupidity displayed on this thread.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 29/10/2017 22:00

Horrid that so many people on here think it is fine to treat their children unequally. And that complaining about unequal treatment would be a worse sin. No wonder so many families are so dysfunctional.

BlondeB83 · 29/10/2017 22:00

Seriously though, it sounds like you have issues surrounding food. Maybe you should speak to someone. It’s not normal to be so possessive over it even if it wasn’t dished out fairly.

ElizabethDarcey · 29/10/2017 22:00

make her look small and unimportant in front of other people?

How do you think YOU made yourself look in front of other people? I doubt they'd have noticed your lack of yorkshire pudding. They will definitely have noticed your epic sulk.

Original poster
apintofmilk · 29/10/2017 22:01

I was annoyed and upset and told them calmly I was fed up with being bottom of the pile and then I left the room to sit quietly in the lounge. The kids did not even look up from their dinner the whole time. They're under 3, they weren't aware of what's going on. There wasn't even raised voices. It was the quietest calmest way I could have dealt with the situation unless I said nothing and ignored the whole thing. But I was upset and wanted them to know. We even stayed for 30 minutes after dinner so they could finish playing with their toys and I sat quietly on the sofa. I don't get why that was a bad way to act. Yes I felt angry and upset, but like I've said before there was no screaming or wailing.

OP posts:
TatianaLarina · 29/10/2017 22:05

This has to be the funniest food tantrum ever.

Whinesalot · 29/10/2017 22:05

Seriously though, it sounds like you have issues surrounding food.

For the hundredth time. IT WASN'T ABOUT THE FOOD.

MadMags · 29/10/2017 22:06

Whines people disagreeing with you don't necessarily lack intelligence.

I'm sure you're not stupid enough to really think that. Hmm

apint you said upthread that you have a temper, you're the one to kick off, you get wound up by them, you see things in black and white, they tip-toe around you...

But today you spoke calmly and quietly sat in another room?

Itsonkyme · 29/10/2017 22:07

Well, they won't be doing that again, will they? apintofmilk

Double yorkies and stuffing for you next time girl..........

TitaniasCloset · 29/10/2017 22:08

Invite everyone round to yours next time and have a massive plates of yorkshires to make a point.

Original poster
apintofmilk · 29/10/2017 22:09

Thank you @Whinesalot ! I've not got a problem with food. My weight fluctuates about 9-10lb up and down which I thought was pretty standard. I'm a bloody size 12 and I eat healthily bar too much wine and chocolate. I don't count calories, or exercise excessively, but yes I look forward to a treat if I've been eating healthily all week. Is that not normal?
And besides, it's not about the food Confused

OP posts:
Therealslimshady1 · 29/10/2017 22:10

Upset about stuffing?

Yabu, unless you are 8

pallisers · 29/10/2017 22:10

Horrid that so many people on here think it is fine to treat their children unequally. And that complaining about unequal treatment would be a worse sin. No wonder so many families are so dysfunctional.

I think it is more that people are presuming the OP's family are like their own - families where people might have a joke about the eldest always getting the best cut of meat or the youngest getting the crispiest roast potato but in general everyone feels equally loved and valued. This clearly isn't the kind of family the OP came from.

The OP reminds me a little of one of my closest friends. She is lovely but has some issues because of her family - will sometimes overreact to stuff. She has become a lot more insightful about it as she gets older. I don't judge her because I can see that her parents/siblings are locked in dysfunctional behaviours and her childhood wasn't the happy safe place mine was.

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