To expect him to sort his own drunk mess out

[G1988]

My dp went out and got very drunk. At 4.00 in the morning he decided to use our bedroom as a toilet and had a wee! He obviously didn't do it on purpose but it was against my chest of drawers and it went through and got half of my clothes wet. He then got back in bed and passed out. So at 4.00am I, at 29 weeks pregnant, end up putting towels down to soak it all up, pulling my clothes out to stop the rest getting affected and mopping up in the drawers.

I went out the next day and asked him to actually clean everything and wash my clothes. He did the clothes but not the cleaning. I ended up cleaning everything the following morning so I didn't have to keep walking through it and so the rest of my clothes didn't get affected by the smell.

He later apologised, acknowledged he should have done It and we moved on.

One week later he finally takes my clothes off the airer and leaves them on the bed for me to put away. I asked if he was going to do it and he said no for two reasons.

1. It was a mix of my normal clothes and maternity clothes so he wouldn't put them back in the right place.
   

1. He was doing other house work quickly before we went out.
   

AIBU to be annoyed that I've got to put the clothes away so I've been impacted by his drunk actions

[onalongsabbatical]

MrsJBaptiste - has happened to several people I know - men and women what?
I've led a pretty racy life, believe me, but I've never, ever come across people who piss in random places in the house when they're drunk. Outside in the big wild world, oh yes. On the furniture and clothes, no no no no no. Never. I'm gobsmacked you can quote several - like some kind of piss-ridden parallel universe that I've been unaware of. I think it's beyond disgusting, and I'm pretty tolerant.

[readyforapummelling]

I peed on my nan once whilst drunk. Not my finest moment in life but luckily she saw the funny side. We had been to a party at a relatives house and shared a bed.

I got absolutely steaming drunk so the night is still a blur today. I think my incident is worse as at least the OPs DH attempted to get to the bathroom where as I was too paralytic to even contemplate that I needed a wee!

I’m also a woman although 19 at the time of the nan pissing palava.

I’m tee total now and a responsible mother so please don’t batter me too much ladies....drags hard hat on.....

[sanddune11]

My dh has pissed inside drawers, in the wardrobe, and once through the bedroom window. That was years ago when we were very young, i still remind him of it to this day. Of course he doesn't remember.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

I peed on my nan once whilst drunk

There’s a line I never expected to be reading on MN!

[speakout]

onalongsabbatical I agree.

I have led an extremely colourful life.

Not once in any state have I, my partner or friends have pissed in bad places.

[Passthecake30]

Eeeewww I guess in your situation I would've washed my clothes and put them away as dp would do it all wrong power trip but I would've given him hell to pay and made him do pretty much everything and worship my feet thereafter!

[readyforapummelling]

I paid a hefty price as my nan pops downstairs in the morning and anecdotes the entire household with it. I wanted to curl up and die.

I’m going to have to name change before I get known as the nan pisser.

[onalongsabbatical]

Thanks speakout I was beginning to think I was the weird one!

[expatinscotland]

'MrsJBaptiste - has happened to several people I know - men and women what?
I've led a pretty racy life, believe me, but I've never, ever come across people who piss in random places in the house when they're drunk. Outside in the big wild world, oh yes. On the furniture and clothes, no no no no no. Never. I'm gobsmacked you can quote several - like some kind of piss-ridden parallel universe that I've been unaware of. I think it's beyond disgusting, and I'm pretty tolerant.'

This ^^. Never heard of it, either, until I went on MN. Such a specimen would be dumped immediately if I'd encountered it in real life, no matter how 'perfect' they were.

[G1988]

So next round of the row has just happened. He doesn't understand why my emotions come into it, he didn't intentionally do it and then he washed my clothes, end of! He doesn't understand what I want from him.

[expatinscotland]

'So next round of the row has just happened. He doesn't understand why my emotions come into it, he didn't intentionally do it and then he washed my clothes, end of! He doesn't understand what I want from him.'

I would want him not to drink again, but I guess that's not possible.

[G1988]

How do I articulate why I'm upset about this. Clearly I'm not getting my point across to him well!

[Candlelight234]

He didn't prioritise cleaning and then putting your stuff back to the way it was I.e clean, dried and folded away. Even though it was done whilst drunk, it's almost an insult to piss on your stuff, then to be anything less than incredibly sorry is just compounding the insult. He's trying to minimise it OP, so you stop talking about it, sorry

[romany4]

My DH did this once. Got so paralytic at a friend's birthday party that he came home and used the corner of the dining room as a toilet. I was disgusted and went mental at him.
Next day I went out and when I came back he'd shampooed the carpet and scrubbed everything with bleach. AND I got a massive bunch of flowers and chocolate to say sorry because he was mortified. He never did it again.
So YANBU. And you're pregnant so he should be grovelling.

[timeisnotaline]

The fact you had any extra work to do at all to clean that up is totally shot- I wouldn't care he was already doing a lot, peeing on my clothes means he now has a lot more to do. Plus buying me flowers and moving out of the bedroom until he promises it will never happen again given there is going to be a baby in your bedroom as well soon...

[MrsDustyBusty]

Does he think you shouldn't have feelings about someone pissing on your stuff? Any reason why you wouldn't?

[rollingonariver]

Explain to him you have a BABY pushing on your bladder and you haven’t pissed anywhere other than the toilet and also that if you did you’d clean it up straight away as it is gross.
Yes mistakes happen and it’s the first time so I would be able to forgive it but he shouldn’t have left it for you to clean?! How degrading? He gets to piss wherever he wants and you have to scrub up after him? You’re not his maid and it’s extremely rude and disgusting.
My DP has wet the bed as he has an issue with his bladder (he basically can’t feel the urge to wee every-time, sometimes he can, sometimes not) it’s not his fault so I just put down those mats you have for children who wet the bed and he ALWAYS cleans his own mess!

[pictish]

I do think that insisting he put your clothes away a week later is a bit abstract I'm afraid. The point is that you were unhappy about the incident and even more so about his lack of remorse. It's not about who puts the clothes in the drawer after week...that's a red herring and focusing on the wrong issue imo. If all he has to do it put your clothes away he's got off very lightly. Sod the clothes, your problem is his lack of respect in general.

[RedBlackberries]

I think asking him never to drink again or expecting him to be grovelling after he cleaned everything up and even brought the clean clothes up to your room are a bit extreme. I agree you're focusing on the clothes too much and they're not the real issue. You need to sit down with him when neither of you are feeling angry and just explain that you really hated what happened and ask him how you can be sure he'll not do it again and that he really takes your hurt and upset on board.

[C0untDucku1a]

after he cleaned everything up and even brought the clean clothes up to your room

Really, blackberries? After he cleaned up the clothes and cupboard that he urinated on and even fucking even didn't put them away?!

Firstly, re-read the op. He DIDNT clean the chest of drawers at all. OP had to as he left it. The chest of drawers he urinated on! He left it for her to clean.

Secondly, he left the clothes A WEEK downstairs on an airer before MOVING THEM SOMEWHERE ELSE THEY DONT BELONG. So, actually didnt deal with the clothes either!

blackberries your standards are on the floor. Do not advise someone else to lower their own standards to being shit on because thats what you expect.

[C0untDucku1a]

OP the reason you are not getting your point across is because he doesnt care about it.

[TakemedowntoPotatoCity]

Ugh, I couldn't bear it. In fact I think I would have had to get rid of the drawers and clothes and get DH to buy new everything. And only after a grovelling, completely mortified apology would I even consider letting him back in there. I left this kind of behaviour back with my university years, I'm pleased to say. Never did anything this bad but did puke all over the inside of a tent once

[angieloumc]

Unfortunately some years ago I had a boyfriend who did this twice but in his own bed thank god not mine. Both times we had been on a night out, he was drunk I had a couple of glasses of wine. The first time I don't know why but I let it slide (must have been crackers). The second time he actually said it must have been me! Needless to say the relationship was over. And he had to clean his own pissy bed.

[G1988]

He has just sent me this link saying "this makes absolute sense to us..."

goodmenproject.com/featured-content/finally-insight-womens-emotions-lal/

[StinkPickle]

This is the role model for your future child?

Jesus.