To expect him to sort his own drunk mess out

[G1988]

My dp went out and got very drunk. At 4.00 in the morning he decided to use our bedroom as a toilet and had a wee! He obviously didn't do it on purpose but it was against my chest of drawers and it went through and got half of my clothes wet. He then got back in bed and passed out. So at 4.00am I, at 29 weeks pregnant, end up putting towels down to soak it all up, pulling my clothes out to stop the rest getting affected and mopping up in the drawers.

I went out the next day and asked him to actually clean everything and wash my clothes. He did the clothes but not the cleaning. I ended up cleaning everything the following morning so I didn't have to keep walking through it and so the rest of my clothes didn't get affected by the smell.

He later apologised, acknowledged he should have done It and we moved on.

One week later he finally takes my clothes off the airer and leaves them on the bed for me to put away. I asked if he was going to do it and he said no for two reasons.

1. It was a mix of my normal clothes and maternity clothes so he wouldn't put them back in the right place.
   

1. He was doing other house work quickly before we went out.
   

AIBU to be annoyed that I've got to put the clothes away so I've been impacted by his drunk actions

[JigglyTuff]

You were embarrassed? Why?

[cees]

Piss on his clothes and let him know you are not going to clean it. Or boot him out for a bit of peace

[C0untDucku1a]

Mo, men dont do this. People who have an alcohol problem do this.

OP as other people have said, you have a much bigger problem. His behaviour was disgusting but his attitude was also disgusting.

[RedBlackberries]

jiggly because it looked bad on my family and I didn't want my mum to think badly of him or worry about us.

Op: has he done it before?

[MagicTapeDispenser]

Ew. Just ew. What a skanky human being.

[G1988]

This is the first time he has ever done it and trust me I am fuming. I'm trying to give a calm and two sided version of the story so that I know I'm not getting biased advice.

We've just had another round of rowing. He has finally said that he should have put the clothes away but it still comes with the explanation that he didn't because he was doing other stuff for us. There is a lot to be done around the house before little lady arrives and he has been doing loads, lots more than me because I just can't do it and am quite badly anemic so everything is making me extremely tired.

I'm focusing on putting the clothes away because he has already acknowledged and apologised that he should have done the cleaning last Saturday.

He thinks that I don't move on from a row and sees that me being upset about the clothes is me not moving on again where he put last weeks row to bed. He thinks that I shouldn't just look at this in isolation as well as it wasn't that he was sitting down doing nothing.

Apparently this is just me sticking to my principle and I don't care about the relationship because I won't back down.

[Timetogetup0630]

Stop arguing about putting the clothes away now.
When you are both calm and sober you need to have a very serious conversation about the drinking, and what is appropriate behaviour for the father of a tiny baby.
Oh, and you also need to tackle the issue of household chores and all the baby related jobs. This need to be shared. Have you broached the subject of nappy changing yet ?

Relationship counselling could be useful too.

[MyDearAnnie]

Oh don't get me wrong, we rowed about it last weekend too but that got sorted when he apologised

I'm not sure there's any level of apology that would make this ok, tbh.

[MagicTapeDispenser]

But OP, can he not see that his actions now need to speak louder than any verbal apology after what was a revolting act which cannot be excused, drunken state or not?

If he’d been absolutely mortified in the cold light of day, had scrubbed the bedroom, laundered and put away your clothes and been nothing short of angelic in the hours and days following his revolting behaviour, then you’d probably have moved on from it yourself and put it in the ‘best we forget about that’ part of your life together.

But the half hearted effort, with the excuse of being busy doing other things isn’t enough to win favour after his toddler like peegate incident and I don’t blame you for feeling this particular issue hasn’t been dealt with.

I’m not sure I could look at him in the same light after that behaviour. It’s really quite disgusting.

[KevinSpacey]

If that was my partner I would be tempted to wee on his Xbox.

That is pretty bad though and I think it's understandable that you're miffed that he didn't put your clothes away. I would have expected them to be cleaned, ironed and put away. Sounds like chores are a whole other issue to tackle though, so perhaps worth a chat? Maybe he's finding it hard to adjust to the arrival of the baby?

[justilou1]

OMG! I would have made my husband lick it up... What an immature, entitled twat.

[liz70]

Unless out on a long country walk, I'm pretty damn sure that the men in my life (DH, DF, DB, other male relatives etc.) urinate into a toilet bowl or urinal. Not all over beds, clothes, miscellaneous pieces of furniture. Absolutely foul.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

My god he sounds absolutely vile. Is he not totally mortified? If my DH did something like that (not that he would he doesn’t drink) I’d be getting them professionally cleaned and out for a slap up meal as an apology. Is he often like this?

Hope he grows up before your baby arrives

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

*he’d be getting them professionally cleaned

[Candlelight234]

Regardless of how much else he was doing 'for you', he should have been EXTREMELY contrite for disgustingly & drunkenly pissing all over your stuff.
I would find it hard to move on from this too TBH.

[Cheby]

Anyone who gets so drunk they piss all over their partner's clothes, has an alcohol problem. that's your main issue OP.

[ShoesHaveSouls]

He actually had the audacity to argue back with you about this?

My thoughts exactly.

I read about men doing this on MN - but I've never experienced it irl. Who are these ridiculous men who get so rat-arsed they can't make it to a toilet?

And I'm no alcohol-puritan either. But fuck - pissing in the bedroom, where your pregnant wife is sleeping, over her things? And then arguing about it? What a twat. I'd lose respect for him. Like being married to a fucking toddler.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

Also of course you should be doing less around the house, you’re pregnant. He isn’t doing you a favour by cleaning his own house

[MrsDustyBusty]

Well, when he cleans, it's just not the bits he pisses on.

[FlexTimeCheekyFucker]

This thread has brought to mind a time many years ago when an ex colleague told me she realised her new boyfriend was "the one" when he pissed in the waste paper basket in her bedroom after a drunken night out. She was right posh as well.

[BewareOfDragons]

Wow.

He didn't clean up his own drunken pee and he's calling you condescending for noting how disgusting it was?

Wow.

Quite the catch!

[MrsJBaptiste]

Yes, it's disgusting but it's done now and has happened to several people I know - men and women (although luckily not me)

He's apologised, it was last weekend so I'd just move on now.

[RedBlackberries]

He should be sorry. He needs to know that its ok or he'll do it again.
Give them an inch and all that.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

I’ve heard a few stories about men pissing in wardrobes and on dressing tables. Why can’t they distinguish between a bedroom and bathroom and a piece of furniture and a toilet? I’m wondering if they actually just can’t be arsed to go a few feet further, and think ‘not my stuff’ so do it on purpose?

[pictish]

Oh OP...I hope you are prepared to have your marriage, choice of husband and priorities ripped to shreds now.

My pal once had a partner that would piss in odd places when he was pickled. Dh's pal once wandered into his room and crouched on his floor for a pee when she was drunk. We know a couple who both used to pee themselves after too much to drink...and another guy as well actually. Fucking hell...we seem to know a lot of pissheads...but it was years ago, the same people are all well behaved and A-OK these days. It's not something that has ever happened to me or dh...but we're not drinkers and certainly not to the point of not knowing what a toilet is (ffs). We used to refer to it blackly between ourselves as 'yellow fun'.

It's worrying that he has been so dismissive of the incident...has it happened before? He really should have been contritely begging your forgiveness because it is a chaotic and reckless way to behave. I think that is worse than the peeing itself...the lack of remorse.

I wouldn't have cleaned it up. I'd have left it for him in the morning...and torn strips off the the filthy bastard as well. He'd be off to Tesco for a Rug Doctor and kissing my arse. That yours wasn't is more worrying than the incident itself imo.