To expect him to sort his own drunk mess out

[G1988]

My dp went out and got very drunk. At 4.00 in the morning he decided to use our bedroom as a toilet and had a wee! He obviously didn't do it on purpose but it was against my chest of drawers and it went through and got half of my clothes wet. He then got back in bed and passed out. So at 4.00am I, at 29 weeks pregnant, end up putting towels down to soak it all up, pulling my clothes out to stop the rest getting affected and mopping up in the drawers.

I went out the next day and asked him to actually clean everything and wash my clothes. He did the clothes but not the cleaning. I ended up cleaning everything the following morning so I didn't have to keep walking through it and so the rest of my clothes didn't get affected by the smell.

He later apologised, acknowledged he should have done It and we moved on.

One week later he finally takes my clothes off the airer and leaves them on the bed for me to put away. I asked if he was going to do it and he said no for two reasons.

1. It was a mix of my normal clothes and maternity clothes so he wouldn't put them back in the right place.
   

1. He was doing other house work quickly before we went out.
   

AIBU to be annoyed that I've got to put the clothes away so I've been impacted by his drunk actions

[Mittens1969]

No, that’s absolutely not acceptable and I can’t imagine my DH behaving like that, ever. Pissing over OP’s drawers, the thought of it makes me ill.

It’s the sort of thing you tolerate from a potty training toddler not a grown man who is about to become a father.

[caringdenise009]

I've known many errant pissers in my time. One that stands out is the young husband who pissed the bed and on his wife after a heavy night. She threw him down the stairs. Another was spending a platonic night with a friend and woke up alone in the middle of the night, was mortified to realise what he had done and set about trying to dry the sheets/ bed with a fan. When he went into her spare room to say goodbye,thinking she must've moved because of him snoring, she snarled at him that he was worse than a dog because even a dog doesn't piss in its own basket. He replaced her £1000 mattress,utterly ashamed of himself.

OP isn't overreacting and he isn't addressing the issue seriously.

[SilverSpot]

One of our friends pisses in inappropriate places when he gets drunk.

He's a lazy, obstinate twat a lot of the time anyway and it's exacerbated when he drinks.

He pisses against the bedroom wall, in cupboards, or just in the bed.

He has also shat himself in bed when drunk.

I honestly don't know why his wife ever made it through the GF and fiancé stage to actually marry him and have two children with him. He has never lied about what a disgusting creature he is.

[BarbarianMum]

My (now) dh did this once. I was a bit but I didn't see it as a particularly big deal and its never happened again (been together 15 years since). It isn't necessarily a symbol of what's to come.

[Trailedanderror]

It's not imo a sign of alcoholism; in an alcoholic in recovery and I've heard lots of drunken shame stories in AA. The only peeing in the wrong places stories I remember are from 'amateurs' out of the rooms.
He is however massively disrespectful and I'd want to get it sorted from that angle.

[StormTreader]

Surely the point of the thing is not really the pissing, that can be put down to "I was so drunk I didnt realise what I was doing" which is not good but is a genuine not on purpose.
The point is how grudging the "making it up to you" has been.

You had to ask him to clean them (ok, maybe he would have anyway, we dont know), but he didnt do the cleanup beyond washing the clothes, and then didnt put the stuff away once it was done. Im assuming there was no other apology stuff, no special effort for date night, no flowers, no real apology? Regardless of the fact it wasnt intentional, it still led to you mopping it up at 4am and it sounds like theres been no recognition at all of how nasty that was for you.

You are asking him to put in the extra effort of "making good" to balance the extra effort you had to go to on the night, and im not seeing where he has done that. If I had to choose between "mopping up piss at 4am" and "putting the washing machine on", I know which one I would choose.

[KarlosKKrinkelbeim]

I can only suggest you piss over his possessions- also, preferably, him.

[justilou1]

Sorry - I forgot to add that all of this applies whether you are pregnant or not. Your being pregnant makes his behaviour even more intolerable

[justilou1]

Time to hit him with his laptop.

This is what you want from him....

1. To acknowledge that getting ratarsed drunk while your wife is a million weeks pregnant is immature, entitled and stupid.
   
2. To acknowledge that he weed all over YOUR things and left YOU to clean it up.
   
3. To acknowledge that weeing anywhere that is not a toilet is fucking disgusting behaviour and he owes you big time for the rest of his life.
   
4. To understand that there are consequences for bad behaviour. You do not respect what he did or his pitiful attempt to address the situation, and that if he continues being a twat about this, you will give everyone he knows and respects - dammit - every man and his dog - every fucking disgusting detail of the night and his subsequent behaviour.

[TammyswansonTwo]

He was busy doing other things? Christ he's in for a rude awakening when the baby arrives if it takes him a week to find time to put clothes away... or rather, you're in for being stuck with every single aspect of childcare if he doesn't pull his finger out. Trust me, my husband is awesome and does a lot but there are still things he just doesn't do and it drives me bonkers.

[IrritatedUser1960]

Quite honestly in all my days of living with men - I'm 56 now I have never lived with one who has ever been so drunk they have pissed up against furniture.
WTF is that? Does he have a drink problem?
That's worse than living with an animal - even my cats and dogs know better than to do that.

[DavetheCat2001]

Where do drunken men get off acting like mangy dogs?

[Notreallyarsed]

XH used to piss everywhere when he was drunk. Eventually at 38 weeks pregnant I lost my shit and rubbed the towels that he’d pissed all over in his face. Fucking no way was I putting up with that.

Unless I gave birth to you or you have a valid reason for needing help with continence (ie caring for someone who is unable to use the toilet) there is not a hope in hell I’d be cleaning up bodily fluids.

[Greyponcho]

How did I miss the link until now?
Mansplaining at its finest

[MrsDustyBusty]

Just hope that he doesn't take a wrong turn and piss on the baby in a few weeks!

The baby will piss on him back though, so at least it will an equal battle of wits.

[BackBoiler]

Just hope that he doesn't take a wrong turn and piss on the baby in a few weeks!

[TheDowagerCuntess]

We get it, missevelina, you're one of the lads, and get on much better with men.

[Cambionome]

You are a fool missevalina.

[SilverySurfer]

missevelina I feel truly sorry for you if you have been conditioned to think that this behaviour is acceptable. It's atrocious and the OP is right to be so upset.

[Turnocks34]

Eww. I remember my DH doing this when we were in our first year of Uni, although we weren't together at the time and they were his own clothes he pissed all over.

Yanbu to be pissed off anyway. If my DH did it now, I would go absolutely berserk, and he'd be cleaning absolutely everything himself as well as putting it away.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

When these pissing toddler-men go on lads holidays, do they piss in their mates' suitcases? And of so, who cleans it up? The bloke whose had his stuff dirtied? Or the pisser?

Or are they somehow miraculously able to find the bathroom when they know there isn't a skivvy on hand to clean up after them?

[missevelina]

This isn't a case of this kind of thing being normalised though...by the OPs own admission, this was a one time drunken thing. Nothing in any of the OPs posts hint that her DP does this kind of thing usually.

I just can't get annoyed about something like this.

And to be honest, I feel sorry for her DP. One drunken night and he gets nagged at for over a week! Poor guy.

[Nanny0gg]

Thing is, the fact that he's been doing 'other things' as his contribution to the family is neither here nor there. The OP isn't that well with her pregnancy so he should be doing them anyway. On top of doing all the clearing up that relates to his disgusting behaviour the other night.

And he must never get that drunk again.

[KERALA1]

There is something elementally nasty about putting bodily secretions onto someone else or their belongings against their will - spitting in someones face or this.

Have only heard of this once, a friend's sister's boyfriend did it while we were all students - pissed all over her room. It was spoken of in horrified tones by everyone and she ended the (long) relationship. To hear of an adult man with a family doing it is really to me.