To expect him to sort his own drunk mess out

[G1988]

My dp went out and got very drunk. At 4.00 in the morning he decided to use our bedroom as a toilet and had a wee! He obviously didn't do it on purpose but it was against my chest of drawers and it went through and got half of my clothes wet. He then got back in bed and passed out. So at 4.00am I, at 29 weeks pregnant, end up putting towels down to soak it all up, pulling my clothes out to stop the rest getting affected and mopping up in the drawers.

I went out the next day and asked him to actually clean everything and wash my clothes. He did the clothes but not the cleaning. I ended up cleaning everything the following morning so I didn't have to keep walking through it and so the rest of my clothes didn't get affected by the smell.

He later apologised, acknowledged he should have done It and we moved on.

One week later he finally takes my clothes off the airer and leaves them on the bed for me to put away. I asked if he was going to do it and he said no for two reasons.

1. It was a mix of my normal clothes and maternity clothes so he wouldn't put them back in the right place.
   

1. He was doing other house work quickly before we went out.
   

AIBU to be annoyed that I've got to put the clothes away so I've been impacted by his drunk actions

[G1988]

We haven't argued all week, it was put to bed until he refused to put the clothes away which brought it all back up.

He has explained the link and said that he just meant he was looking at it that the washing needs to be put away and he was doing another chore so why couldn't I just do it, where as I was still thinking about why the washing was there.

He'd gone out and called me and finally acknowledged that he shouldn't have done what he did and he should've sorted it out, he said that was a given, he didn't do it intentionally and doesn't see why I needed him to spell it out that he knew it was wrong and shouldn't have done it. The conversation was left that he'd come home.

I was left expecting him to come in and give me a cuddle and we'd move forward but instead it was awkward and then he started going on about his bloody explanation that he was doing other stuff for us.

He thinks that I should look at everything as a whole and that because he'd worked hard all week doing diy bits around the house I shouldn't just focus on what he did wrong.

I tried to explain that the two things aren't linked and I'd acknowledged and shown my appreciation for the other things he'd done but that doesn't stop me being upset by this action.

I lost it with him again as to me going over all this when he'd just acknowledged he was in the wrong is him back tracking on that. He says that's not the case but he just can't understand why I'm so upset about this.

[Bluelonerose]

Woo your calm I think I would of shit on my dh if he had done that

[missevelina]

Wow!

A weeks worth of arguments and punishments for a one off drunken wee!

Some people need to chill the fuck out!

[Ausparent]

I know I am childish but I am not sure I wouldn't resist the urge to wee on his clothes...

His reaction sounds like he is embarrassed and wants to stop talking about it but I wouldn't let him get away with it.

If he isn't capable of putting away clothes then he should do something else to make it up to you.

My DH threw up in the sink once when he been drinking and blocked it so we had to take the U bend out to clear it. Not only did he have to make it up to me but I still embarrass him about it 12 years later.

It is possible that I am the twat in this scenario...

[Ausparent]

Just read his link

I think it means you can set fire to his clothes, then make him a cup of tea and it will all be ok...

[missevelina]

Seriously OP, wtaf?!

Calm down and get over it! He's sorry and he knows he was in the wrong. Is this really worth all the drama?! Move on!!

[DavetheCat2001]

Just grim, OP.

Does he get that pissed up often? I have never known anyone piss anywhere other than a toilet or an alleyway if desperate, but have heard it happens a fair bit with people with alcohol issues..could this be him?

He's going to have to get a fucking grip. In a few weeks when there is a newborn to look after..or do you suspect he's going to be one of these deadbeats who do fuck all, refuse to accept their lives have changed and leave everything to the woman and carry on being a selfish twunt?

I'm sorry for you. Pregnancy is hard enough without havinhg the added joy of a feckless manchild to look after.

[Ineedmorelemonpledge]

Hmmmm interesting link isn’t it...?

Tell him you’ve read it, then go take a big shit in his tool box. Tell him you’ll clear it up when you have time.

See if he forgets about that in a years time and compartmentalises it.

[JigglyTuff]

No missevalina- he really isn’t very sorry. And that’s the problem

[thetemptationofchocolate]

he just can't understand why I'm so upset about this

I don't know where this link is but maybe someone helpful could post it, I know I've seen it linked on MN before - it's the one about 'Fuck you (wife's name)'.

IMO by not cleaning up ALL of his disgusting pissy mess he is saying 'Fuck you G1988, you can clean it up'. If he really can't see why this is upsetting then maybe he's not the one for you OP.

[Honeycombcrunch]

I think he needs to stop drinking completely if he has so little control over his actions when drunk. He's literally pissed all over your relationship with his nasty attitude and horrible behaviour.

[RedBlackberries]

OMG g1988 that article is shit! Us crazy women and our wild emotions huh?

count my standards are really not on the floor but I can tell when dh has really made an effort and is sorry for something so I'd not keep on at him as it wouldn't be useful and wouldn't end well. I actually wrote that she shouldn't forget it if she's still hurt but find a time that neither of them are angry to say she's still upset by it.

Not saying that's the case for you op!

[bringbacksideburns]

I've only ever known one man nearly piss somewhere in the house other than the loo and that was an 18 year old lad who was going out with a friend of mine nearly 30 years ago, who was staying over at her house one night, went sleep walking and almost peed in her mum and dad's wardrobe in the middle of the night thinking it was the loo.
He was mortified!

This is a grown adult with a heavily pregnant wife. There is nothing more unattractive than a man who has drunk to such an extent he has lost control of his bodily functions and then passes out.

Those of you saying 'chill the Fuck out' must have seriously low standards when it comes to men. And If I did something like this I'd expect dh to be fuming aswell and certainly clean it all up from start to finish.

[Tiddlywinks63]

Just send him the link to this thread op.
Ignorant oaf.

[annandale]

This is one of those thigns that make me think MN is a good thing, in that I glimpse other lives that I would never normally see. Not only are there adult men who come home to their partners so incapable that they can't locate the toilet for their piss, they also ruin a major piece of furniture (surely it's going to stink for months) and need to do significant amounts of clearing up of other people's belongings. (oddly enough, not their own belongings). Then they DON'T do significant amounts of clearing up, and are surprised when this seems to upset their partner. Then they apologise and expect to 'move on' as if this is a normal little peccadillo. THEN THERE ARE QUITE A FEW POSTERS WHO ALSO CONSIDER THIS NORMAL, or at least nothing more than a bit of a whoopsie, as you might say.

Thank God for Cozie's netdoctor link. That's normal to me.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

THEN THERE ARE QUITE A FEW POSTERS WHO ALSO CONSIDER THIS NORMAL

I know - this is the part I always find boggling.

missevelina - just because you'd roll over and tolerate anything from A Man, doesn't mean everyone else should. Telling people to 'chill out' about this makes me wonder about the level of crap you must have tolerated - considered normal - over the years.

And the fact that you're incredulous - annoyed or angry even - that the OP is unhappy about this...?

Perhaps her making a big deal out of something you would just move on from and accept makes you feel slightly uncomfortable. That's the only explanation I can possibly come up with. Window into another world, indeed.

[KERALA1]

There is something elementally nasty about putting bodily secretions onto someone else or their belongings against their will - spitting in someones face or this.

Have only heard of this once, a friend's sister's boyfriend did it while we were all students - pissed all over her room. It was spoken of in horrified tones by everyone and she ended the (long) relationship. To hear of an adult man with a family doing it is really to me.

[Nanny0gg]

Thing is, the fact that he's been doing 'other things' as his contribution to the family is neither here nor there. The OP isn't that well with her pregnancy so he should be doing them anyway. On top of doing all the clearing up that relates to his disgusting behaviour the other night.

And he must never get that drunk again.

[missevelina]

This isn't a case of this kind of thing being normalised though...by the OPs own admission, this was a one time drunken thing. Nothing in any of the OPs posts hint that her DP does this kind of thing usually.

I just can't get annoyed about something like this.

And to be honest, I feel sorry for her DP. One drunken night and he gets nagged at for over a week! Poor guy.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

When these pissing toddler-men go on lads holidays, do they piss in their mates' suitcases? And of so, who cleans it up? The bloke whose had his stuff dirtied? Or the pisser?

Or are they somehow miraculously able to find the bathroom when they know there isn't a skivvy on hand to clean up after them?

[Turnocks34]

Eww. I remember my DH doing this when we were in our first year of Uni, although we weren't together at the time and they were his own clothes he pissed all over.

Yanbu to be pissed off anyway. If my DH did it now, I would go absolutely berserk, and he'd be cleaning absolutely everything himself as well as putting it away.

[SilverySurfer]

missevelina I feel truly sorry for you if you have been conditioned to think that this behaviour is acceptable. It's atrocious and the OP is right to be so upset.

[Cambionome]

You are a fool missevalina.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

We get it, missevelina, you're one of the lads, and get on much better with men.

[BackBoiler]

Just hope that he doesn't take a wrong turn and piss on the baby in a few weeks!