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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think a 2 and 5 year old will be fine being vegan for one lunch?

450 replies

mauricesom · 27/10/2017 09:46

It's my birthday next week and I've booked somewhere nice that does a vegan high tea. I've invited my daughter (veggie) and her two sons 7 and 5.

I've booked us all for the vegan high tea but daughter says the children will need ham and cheese else they won't eat it. As I'm paying for it I don't really want to buy things I'm ethically apposed to.

Aibu to think they will be fine with hummus and carrot sandwiches for one meal? They both eat food like that at my house without any issues.

OP posts:
C8H10N4O2 · 27/10/2017 15:41

’d go as far as to say you’re probably the kind of person who expects people to answer the phone / door if you ring / knock and would possibly even take in packages for a neighbour shock

I'd go further.

I bet the OP even gives other people a lift at times without demanding a first born in payment. Shocking.

Lifeisforliving25 · 27/10/2017 15:45

I don't get this - you surely don't invite people out on the basis they eat what you want them to eat 😂I as an adult would decline this invite on that alone

2014newme · 27/10/2017 15:54

If you book the restaurant you get to choose surely.

MeganChips · 27/10/2017 16:17

Some of the posts on this thread are like conversing with my father in law who thinks Vegetarians have an evil agenda and are trying to take over the world.

It's an afternoon tea. They come as a pre-selection of food. I wanted afternoon tea on my birthday so that's what we did. No-one considered trying to order anything else, well, because it was an afternoon tea. It was my birthday so I got to choose. Not everyone liked everything but no-one went hungry.

Missing ham and cheese for a couple of hours for a plate of snacks won't do anyone any harm. Like other posters have said, she can feed them a ham and cheese sandwich beforehand if she's concerned.

goingonabearhunt1 · 27/10/2017 16:50

I think all the panic at the lack of ham sandwiches is hilarious.

brasty · 27/10/2017 16:53

Yes, it is an afternoon tea with various choices, including cakes. The kids will be happy scoffing cake.

brasty · 27/10/2017 16:54

And after they have scoffed all the cake, I really can't imagine they will be complaining about a lack of a ham sandwich.

SilverySurfer · 27/10/2017 18:01

RhiWrites
God forbid that the OP celebrates her birthday the way she wants.

So by the same measure, you would be ok with an omnivore holding her party in a steakhouse presumably? Her birthday, her choice and expect the vegan to eat meat or go hungry?

What's the difference?

grannytomine · 27/10/2017 18:02

I can't think of many ways to make a meal out worse than having someone dictate what I can choose. Exactly, I'm tee total but I wouldn't invite people out and say you can't order a glass of wine because it is against my principles.

Missing ham and cheese for a couple of hours for a plate of snacks won't do anyone any harm Of course it won't but if they would enjoy a ham sandwich why wouldn't you let them have one? The OP can have her vegan sandwiches, why shouldn't meat eaters be allowed to eat meat. Obviously if she has chosen a vegan restaurant they can't have the choice.

brasty · 27/10/2017 18:07

Nobody is dictating. There is a choice.

And surely you would go to a cafe that did not sell alcohol for a birthday celebration?

CorbynsBumFlannel · 27/10/2017 18:10

Is it a vegan restaurant? The op has said they do a vegan afternoon tea not that the whole restaurant is vegan.

2014newme · 27/10/2017 18:12

It's a vegetarian restaurant. Perfectly reasonable.
Op your dd is controlling and unpleasant. Take the kids and leave her with her ham sandwich

grannytomine · 27/10/2017 18:13

The OP is dictating that is has to be vegan isn't she? Isn't that what it is all about?

I'm not sure why I would go to a cafe that did not sell alcohol for a birthday celebration? I mean I might but then again I might not. Last time I went out for a birthday tea it was in a very nice local hotel and some people ordered glasses of Prosecco.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 27/10/2017 18:13

Pretty controlling to order other people's food for them imo.

grannytomine · 27/10/2017 18:14

Is it a vegetarian or vegan restaurant, it doesn't say in OP but I might have missed it.

2014newme · 27/10/2017 18:17

@grannytomine t doesn't matter whether it's vegan or vegetarian. It does not matter whether they sell alcohol. Pp could be driving or teetotal or her dd could. It's irrelevant. They could be getting pissed after tea with the kids, who knows.
If you'd turn down a birthday tea invite because alcohol wasn't going to be available you've got a problem!

speakout · 27/10/2017 18:20

OP you sound like a laugh and a half.

Maybe if you are looking to indulge yourself on your birthday you shouldn't waste your time with your grandchildren.

If I invite my mother out for a meal I wouldn't take her to a curry house- she doesn't like it.
If I take my nieces out we may well go to a local ice cream parlour- I don't like ice cream but will happily have a tea and scone.

You can't take someone out and dictate what they eat- that's just rude.

Freddiewinifred10 · 27/10/2017 18:27

I don't understand why you would dictate what someone eats at a meal where there are options, just because you are paying? You surely wouldn't think of doing this for an adult? Some of my close relatives are vegan, and it is inconceivable they would insist I had the vegan option at a mixed restaurant, on the basis that it was their birthday.
It may be irritating that your daughter is insisting they would prefer the normal option, but it seems so overbearing and controlling of you to then insist you know better.
Just let your daughter choose what her children eat for lunch, and be glad you can enjoy a vegan afternoon tea yourself.
Unless in general you refuse to eat at the same table as someone having cheese for ethical reasons, let your guests choose what they would best like.

ethelfleda · 27/10/2017 18:29

Are people SERIOUSLY getting wound up about this?? Mn is hilarious at times.

I don't think this is remotely unreasonable!! One lunch in a vegan restaurant for your birthday is hardly going to kill anyone!! Confused

LondonGirl83 · 27/10/2017 18:34

I think it's unreasonable to impose your food choices and young children.

Sirzy · 27/10/2017 18:35

One meal without meat? Is it really that big an issue?

I don’t get some of the hysteria over this.

grannytomine · 27/10/2017 18:36

2014newme I think you might be the one who has been drinking!!!!

I said I'm tee total but I wouldn't invite people out and say you can't order a glass of wine because it is against my principles.

How you turned that into If you'd turn down a birthday tea invite because alcohol wasn't going to be available you've got a problem!

It does make a difference if it is a vegetarian or vegan restaurant because if it is then there won't be a choice of meat sandwiches, if it isn't then there is no reason why the children can't have a ham sandwich, that is just OP being controlling.

grannytomine · 27/10/2017 18:38

You can't take someone out and dictate what they eat- that's just rude. Exactly, a good host wouldn't do that.

Freddiewinifred10 · 27/10/2017 18:38

I assumed that it is a normal hotel with a choice of afternoon teas, including vegan, as op said she 'had ordered' the vegan option for them all. This implied there was a choice.
Obviously if it is the ops favourite vegan restaurant, where there is no choice, the daughter is being unreasonable to object.

Sirzy · 27/10/2017 18:39

Would people class someone booking a birthday meal to say Nando’s as “dictating what they eat?” - after all they have a limited amount of choice on their menu

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