Aibu to think a 2 and 5 year old will be fine being vegan for one lunch?

[mauricesom]

It's my birthday next week and I've booked somewhere nice that does a vegan high tea. I've invited my daughter (veggie) and her two sons 7 and 5.

I've booked us all for the vegan high tea but daughter says the children will need ham and cheese else they won't eat it. As I'm paying for it I don't really want to buy things I'm ethically apposed to.

Aibu to think they will be fine with hummus and carrot sandwiches for one meal? They both eat food like that at my house without any issues.

I don't think it is necessarily about a 'suitable' filling, but a filling which the children can be guaranteed to eat, and therefore sit quietly for what could be a lengthy celebration meal?

(and we're talking about a two year old here, they're not the most compliant of beings if they want to be fussy eaters,)

The kids are 5 and 7, and already eat vegan food with no trouble at the OP's house, LoverOfCake.

Do people complain this much at a wedding buffet if it doesn't contain exactly what they want to eat? Is that controlling, selfish and rude to only have a selection of a dozen different foods?

Afternoon tea at a posh place would be hell for two kids aged 7 and 5. Even the non-spirited type.

I have read the whole thread as it has progressed and I can't remember anyone claiming the children would suffer in any way by being made to eat vegan food. I may be wrong. I do see lots of posters projecting that opinion into those posts that are not in line with their views. This thread is really not about the rights and wrongs of veganism, it's about someone insisting their ethics/opinions are more important than anyone else's, just because they are paying.

But as I said in PP, IMO this is likely about far more than just the OP wanting to enjoy a vegan birthday tea and likely goes deeper into the OP's relationship with her DD.

This is nuts. Sometimes a cigar is really just a cigar.

it's about someone insisting their ethics/opinions are more important than anyone else's, just because they are paying

What rubbish, cathf. The only ethics being discussed here are the OP's, who perfectly reasonably doesn't want to violate those ethics on her birthday by buying an entirely unnecessary ham sandwich. Nobody's ethics are being violated if the ham sandwich is not bought.

Do you demand your Jewish and Muslim friends supply your kids with ham sandwiches, too? Do you call them "selfish and controlling" if they don't offer you bacon?

"don't think it is necessarily about a 'suitable' filling, but a filling which the children can be guaranteed to eat, and therefore sit quietly for what could be a lengthy celebration meal?"

Like marmite, jam, cucumber, peanut butter, tomato............

Oh, and of course ethics trump preference, whoever's paying!

But a 'fancy' Vegan Afternoon Tea are unlikely to have any of those fillings are they?

More like roasted red pepper and something to add flavour. I could see how many children would not eat that.

Let them eat cake, but let's not pretend they're going to get a jam sandwich either.

Annie, no because I am a vegetarian myself, I just don't see the need to force my views on everyone else. You are projecting again.

Bertrand, my ds - who is no longer fussy - would eat absolutely none of those even now. When he was fussy and deeply anxious, he would not only have refused them but been hugely anxious that someone might make him try them.

I( think the OP could usefully have a discussion with her DD about whether the wish for ceese or ham is due to there being a guarantee that they will eat SOMETHING, and whether they can negotiate a vegan filling that they are both comfotable that the children are both guaranteed to eat. I know from experience that different brands of hummus taste different, and while some vegan cafes serve extremely delicious food that remains 'child friendly' in terms of familiarity of tastes and textures, this is not universally the case.

I just don't see the need to force my views on everyone else

But you are trying to force your views on the OP - you are saying that she, on her own birthday, at her own party, has to supply a ham sandwich that isn't needed, thus violating her own ethics. You are as rigid as you make out the OP to be, cathf

I don't think I have ever had an afternoon tea that did not include cucumber sandwiches. I would be hugely disappointed if it didn't.

When he was fussy and deeply anxious, he would not only have refused them but been hugely anxious that someone might make him try them.

cantkeepawayforever the OP has already said the kids eat vegan food at her house with no fuss.

And I think that bringing in the idea of a child who has anxiety around food just isn't relevant here. Of course anyone would make allowances for a child who had issues-but the children concerned don't.

And I do have to say that a child who won't eat marmite, jam, peanut butter, cucumber or tomato can't really be described as not fussy!

There's little point in discussing it. If you don't get that it's not ok to dictate what other people eat...youll never get it no matter who explains why.

I look forward to an invitation to dine at yours, MissesBloom. I have a brief note here on what I expect you to serve me....

IME it is the complexity of 'posh' sandwich fillings etc that can be hard to negotiate with small children. A plate of marmite and jam sandwiches would probably be fine, but are very unlikely to be supplied. A sandwich of roasted pepper hummus with sprouted seeds and pickled beetroot, although it would contain vegan elements that the child might eat if served separately, might not be acceptable together, if that makes sense.

People often force their eating ideals on others.
Birthday parties - you do what you want as host.
Wedding - buffet you decide what you want. Sit down again as the person paying you decide.
Invite someone for dinner. You don’t phone everyone up and discuss menu plan. You cook what you can be arsed to.
Obviously the above you do take allergies into consideration.

But still suddenly all these issues are selfish.

Bert, the point is that those are not our 'basic go to foods', though they obviously are yours. We don't have any jam, peanut butter or marmite in the house, for example, as none of us particularly eat or like them.

He does eat cream cheese, honey, any sliced meat, any cheese, carrot, apple, banana - as those are our 'go to basic foods'

You are right mrsbloom. You can't reason with the unreasonable.

You didn't read the vegducken Christmas thread then. The OP's mother wanted to bring a few slices of chicken to a vegetarian Christmas dinner.

Nah, think I saw that. That was same-old, same-old.

This one wins. It's a bloody buffet, and people are objecting to having their food ordered for them. You'd think it was one of those set Christmas meals at a compulsory work-do, and the OP had told everyone they were having mushroom risotto.

You get! to pick!

cathf you are now being rude as well as amazingly intolerant.

The crazy people complaining would have a point if they were all forced to have the wild mushroom risotto!

I guess not many understand set menus with a minimum amount of people and how nice it is for everyone to share the same food without having to worry what is safe to eat.