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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think a 2 and 5 year old will be fine being vegan for one lunch?

450 replies

mauricesom · 27/10/2017 09:46

It's my birthday next week and I've booked somewhere nice that does a vegan high tea. I've invited my daughter (veggie) and her two sons 7 and 5.

I've booked us all for the vegan high tea but daughter says the children will need ham and cheese else they won't eat it. As I'm paying for it I don't really want to buy things I'm ethically apposed to.

Aibu to think they will be fine with hummus and carrot sandwiches for one meal? They both eat food like that at my house without any issues.

OP posts:
SuburbanRhonda · 27/10/2017 13:22

It certainly won't do them any harm for one meal. But what's the point of inviting people to a restaurant that serves such a restricted menu

As vegan food can be eaten by anybody (barring allergies), I can’t see what’s restrictive. And I bet it will be lovely for the OP, who I expect very rarely gets to go somewhere where she can eat everything on offer - just like everyone else.

Mustang27 · 27/10/2017 13:25

Yanbu to say that they will be fine to be vegan for one lunch but however to say you won’t reconsider because you are ethically opposed is also a bit crap. Someone has to compromise here.

podiumFinish · 27/10/2017 13:34

I think it's petty of you to not pay for the alternative for them - assuming it's available at the same place and for the same overall price (or very similar).

If at a vegan-only place, I'd accept them having something nice either on the way there or the way back and just a lemonade whilst you and your daughter eat.

SuburbanRhonda · 27/10/2017 13:37

Someone has to compromise here.

Who would you suggest does the compromising?

PickAChew · 27/10/2017 13:39

I wouldn't be surprised if the kids just get stuck in while their mum pulls faces.

BarbaraofSevillle · 27/10/2017 13:42

Who would you suggest does the compromising

Well obviously it should be the vegan. She should put up with whatever crappy unimaginative offering, full of ingredients she hates, the restaurant of choice of everyone else in the party is serving. Birthday or no birthday.

And as there will only be one vegan option, she should put up or shut up. Because the alternative scenario, where she gets to eat where she wants, but her DCs will have to go a few hours without a ham sandwich, is just to awful to think about Hmm.

BertrandRussell · 27/10/2017 13:42

It is bizarre that people think of eating vegetarian/vegan food as "compromising"! You're not meatatarians, committed to meat at every meal........

schoolgaterebel · 27/10/2017 13:43

Why are you paying for everyone to attend your bday tea? Your daughter should be treating you on your special day.

SaucyJack · 27/10/2017 13:45

"If at a vegan-only place, I'd accept them having something nice either on the way there or the way back and just a lemonade whilst you and your daughter eat."

Or they could eat something nice at the cafe like normal people do when they go out for lunch?

You know chips are vegan, yah? And baked beans? And most crisps? And Party Rings? It's not all buckwheat and kale stew.

"Vegan" food is just normal food without animal products in it. Some of it is tasty treat food. Some admittedly less so.

You've probably even eaten it accidentally yourself.

MaidOfStars · 27/10/2017 13:45

I have very mixed feelings about this, and some might not be logical.

I am vegetarian, my husband is not. Occasionally, we eat at vegetarian restaurants that don't serve any meat/fish at all. This is usually my choice, but my husband occasionally surprises me by suggesting vegetarian without prompting. I do not feel like I am imposing my choices on him by suggesting vegetarian restaurants. If we ate in a mixed restaurant, and even on the occasions I was paying, I can't imagine pre-booking or ordering vegetarian food for him. That feels like an imposition.

I work with a woman who is essentially Big Boss. She is vegetarian. She insists that every work do out/every in-house party/every conference is strictly vegetarian-only catering. Obviously, this generally works well for me, but I find it very odd that she refuses to even be part of any food celebration that has meat involved. And I've heard her talk about it - it's very much a case of "Who's going to tell me not to?". So even though it doesn't bother me having vegetarian-only food at such gatherings, I feel annoyed that she's so blatantly treating everyone like little kids, and that her moral code must reign supreme.

So, I feel like the OP is perhaps a little too rigid here. If there are other choices available for afternoon tea (that include meat or cheese, whatever), then I don't see why it's any skin off OP's nose to let people have free choice.

pringlecat · 27/10/2017 13:46

Surely the solution is for the OP to let her DD pay for the kids separately? I can't imagine a ham and cheese sandwich breaking the bank.

Little children are not old enough to suck things up for the sake of social convention. Getting a very fussy child to try new things is something to be done at home, in the safety of your own four walls. The public don't deserve to overhear the meltdown!

potatoscowls · 27/10/2017 13:47

ShimmeringBollox personally i just do dry ingredients, vegan butter/veg oil soya milk, squeeze of lemon juice. Some people use dry ingredients + a can of fizzy drink. Others use Aquafaba or another egg replacer. Vegan cake is really very easy :)

Joinourclub · 27/10/2017 13:48

Wightintheghoulies carrot and hummus sandwiches are delicious with a touch of harissa paste.

potatoscowls · 27/10/2017 13:49

It's absolutely fair enough for a vegan to not want meat or dairy at their own event/celebration. And vegan food is suitable for everyone anyway :)

grannytomine · 27/10/2017 13:52

I'm sure they will survive, on the other hand if you are invited to their meat eaters birthday tea would you eat a ham sandwich?

PurpleDaisies · 27/10/2017 13:56

I'm sure they will survive, on the other hand if you are invited to their meat eaters birthday tea would you eat a ham sandwich?

There’s always one. Hmm
Meat eaters don’t exclusively eat meat.

grannytomine · 27/10/2017 13:57

I think scones ought to cheer everyone up unless, like me, you're gluten intolerant and couldn't eat the scones or sandwiches anyway I'm OK with gluten but can't manage the cream and scones should have cream shouldn't they? I used to love scones with jam and clotted cream but it makes me sick now. Getting old is such fun.

brasty · 27/10/2017 13:57

It isn't even about only having vegan food at your own event. Most vegan food in places that serve meat, is shit. I was vegan for a year, and every single meal I had out, I only had for the company. On your birthday I understand not wanting to eat yet another crappy vegan meal, while everyone else tucks into delicious food.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/10/2017 13:57

Some of the yummiest cake I've had was vegan cake. Can I come?

grannytomine · 27/10/2017 13:58

Meat eaters don’t exclusively eat meat. It is vegan not vegetarian so not just meat missing but aside from that some kids don't like vegan food and maybe it is just me but if I am going out for a treat with my grandchildren I like them to enjoy it as well.

RhiannonOHara · 27/10/2017 14:01

some kids don't like vegan food
Jesus wept. Is anyone bothering to read the OP's posts properly? The kids eat meat-free food regularly at her house. Aside from the possibility of them being more picky when eating out, there's no sensible reason to assume they won't like what's on offer.

PurpleDaisies · 27/10/2017 14:02

It is vegan not vegetarian so not just meat missing

Is it? I hadn’t noticed that in seven pages of posts...

Vegan food is still food. If you’re going in to a meal already thinking about what’s “missing”, it’s never going to be an enjoyable experience.

grannytomine · 27/10/2017 14:05

It's my birthday next week and I've booked somewhere nice that does a vegan high tea First line in the first post.

brasty · 27/10/2017 14:11

All kids eat vegan food sometimes. Chips, pasta in tomato sauce, beans on toast, vegetable soup, hummus and carrot sticks, crisps,

OhSoggyBiscuit · 27/10/2017 14:11

So now the OP can't do her idea of a birthday tea just because the poor little children might have to shock horror...eat vegan for one little meal. Big deal. It's her birthday not the kids.