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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think a 2 and 5 year old will be fine being vegan for one lunch?

450 replies

mauricesom · 27/10/2017 09:46

It's my birthday next week and I've booked somewhere nice that does a vegan high tea. I've invited my daughter (veggie) and her two sons 7 and 5.

I've booked us all for the vegan high tea but daughter says the children will need ham and cheese else they won't eat it. As I'm paying for it I don't really want to buy things I'm ethically apposed to.

Aibu to think they will be fine with hummus and carrot sandwiches for one meal? They both eat food like that at my house without any issues.

OP posts:
wrenika · 27/10/2017 11:40

I'd have picked somewhere where you could get a vegan meal and your guests could make a choice themselves over whether they eat something vegan, vegetarian or meaty. I think that'd be better manners than enforcing your ethics on others, personally, but you do you. I'm sure they'll survive one meal.

Lethaldrizzle · 27/10/2017 11:42

Wrenika would you say the same if she were Muslim? !

LaurieMarlow · 27/10/2017 11:42

Yes, they'll cope. But be prepared for them to turn their nose up at some bits.

SpookghosttiAndMeatboos · 27/10/2017 11:42

This thread is weird - why are half of the people here worried about a couple of kids having jam rather than ham sandwiches for a high tea? If the OP has no problem paying even if they don't eat (and lets face it, there'll be something), then even skipping the tea entirely isn't going to kill them.

I remember taking mine to a friend's party, and their mum only served 'healthy' snacks (but no veg sticks!) which were much more adult in flavour (think strong cocoa cookies, bagels with garlicy/chivy/herby cream cheese) and so DS tried it but didn't like any of it, and somehow survived the afternoon.

ButchyRestingFace · 27/10/2017 11:44

That's not the same as her being sure they won't eat. And you have to 'not mind', ultimately, if anyone doesn't eat at something you're hosting; what else can you do, force-feed people?

No, it's not the same as being sure, but she has been stated she doesn't mind if they don't eat.

I would mind if I was hosting something and people didn't eat at it. Obviously I wouldn't force feed them anything but if I'm hosting something, I'd like there to be something on the menu that the attendees would be happy to eat. I'd feel bad if there wasn't. Smile

All this is hypothetical at the moment and it may be that the kids scarf the hummus down. But in OP's position, I'd be more inclined to save the vegan tea for like minded friends.

RhiannonOHara · 27/10/2017 11:52

I'd like there to be something on the menu that the attendees would be happy to eat.

The kids are happy to eat sandwiches with no meat or cheese in at the OP's house. She's hardly forcing them to sit down to food she knows they won't like.

wrenika, if everyone is paying for themselves that's a good solution; but in this case the OP is paying and she is not keen on paying for things that go against her ethics.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 27/10/2017 11:52

Obviously they'll be fine but I wouldn't personally invite people out for food and dictate what they eat. Even if I was paying.
But if your dd thinks they won't enjoy it she can feed them before or after or decline the invitation and celebrate your birthday some other way.

ButchyRestingFace · 27/10/2017 11:55

The kids are happy to eat sandwiches with no meat or cheese in at the OP's house.

Yes, which is what I referred to in my post at 11:16, hence the reason I'm on the fence.

OP is free to do what she likes, but it wouldn't be my choice.

brasty · 27/10/2017 11:56

Nobody is dictating what the kids eat. There will be a selection that they will either eat or not eat.
Kids can be given things they always eat when eating out, and still refuse to eat. Although it does not sound like the kids here are fussy eaters.
They will eat cake and think its great.

brasty · 27/10/2017 11:57

And lots of kids parties serve hummus.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 27/10/2017 11:58

I think if you're eating out your guests should be allowed to choose their own food though. It's a bit different than if the op was to put on a vegan spread at home.

Original poster
mauricesom · 27/10/2017 12:01

That's not the same as her being sure they won't eat. And you have to 'not mind', ultimately, if anyone doesn't eat at something you're hosting; what else can you do, force-feed people?

I'm pretty sure they will eat most of it, maybe one or two things they will not want and that's fine. They are allowed to not eat everything that's on offer, there will be a wide variety. Exactly I don't mind because what is the alternative hold their nose and force them to eat a bit of everything?!

OP posts:
flumpybear · 27/10/2017 12:03

I’m sure it’ll be fine - wouldn’t bother me and I’m a card carrying carnivore as are my children - in fact my DD is 9 and the other day she said mummy i just love meat and fish, I mean I really really love it - but she’s happily eat fruit, carrot, veg, etc not hummus but that’s just because she doesn’t like it

Kids are kids. It’s One meal and they’re not gonna miss vital nutrients

I would say though that I wouldn’t be harping on about it being vegan etc as that’s the part about people with different diets that bothers me, it always ends up in an I’m better than you argument which is not helpful
Not that you said you’d do that anyway ... just saying Hmm

Viviennemary · 27/10/2017 12:06

It certainly won't do them any harm for one meal. But what's the point of inviting people to a restaurant that serves such a restricted menu. Even though it could be argued a vegan menu isn't restrictive. I wouldn't object to Vegan food myself and would enjoy it but not everyone is like this.

PumpkinSquash · 27/10/2017 12:06

I've already commented, but see there's even more "UGH, VEGAN!" type comments.
Why the outrage?? I'm a meat eater and a fish eater but really can't see the problem with a vegan afternoon tea! I'd love to go. Why do people automatically think it's some kind of weird food? It's just normal food!
OP hasn't even said there''s going to be hummus and carrot sandwiches, just she knows that the kids eat them when they're at her house so not averse to vegan stuff!
No way should you have to put meat on offer when you'd really like a vegan afternoon tea for your birthday.
Honestly, some meat eaters are ridiculous.

MamaOfTwos · 27/10/2017 12:08

@Lethaldrizzle yes I'd say the same if it was religious beliefs! For a Christmas party we're going for drinks and a meal, my Muslim colleagues will be there enjoying it and just not drink? Not force everyone else not to drink to meet their needs. It's damned selfish of the OP and very entitled. It's meat and cheese FFS, not crack.

Angryosaurus · 27/10/2017 12:09

I haven't rtft so this has probably already been said. I love vegan food, my 2 are fussy eaters. If I take them somewhere I know they won't eat, it is no longer enjoyable as they whine and get bored and restless then start acting up. I would therefore either go somewhere you will all enjoy, or not take them. My local vegan place does take away btw- could you order some food to take out, and eat somewhere the boys can play if they get bored?

milliemolliemou · 27/10/2017 12:10

I'd be asking the restaurant to do quorn mini sausages. Delicious and edible and have yet to meet (meat?) a child who doesn't like them.

PumpkinSquash · 27/10/2017 12:11

OP, do they have an online menu that shows you what kind of selection is in the afternoon tea? Just wondering as you say you don't know what'll be served up. Most places have one so you can have an idea.
As you say, you can eat the sandwiches as you're a savoury person, they can yum down the cakes/scones! I'm sure there'll be something the can eat.

PumpkinSquash · 27/10/2017 12:12

I'd be asking the restaurant to do quorn mini sausages. Delicious and edible and have yet to meet (meat?) a child who doesn't like them.

Quorn's not vegan though (egg)

although they have started to bring out some vegan quorn but it's not as easy to find.

cathf · 27/10/2017 12:12

Of course they won't be harmed by missing even an entire meal if they refuse to eat anything.
However, I do think you need to examine your motives a bit.
Is the point of the day a family tea where everyone is relaxed and enjoys themselves or is the point to show everyone the error of their ways food-wise?
If the former, I can't imagine why you are getting so het up about things and causing stress to your family, unless you want to prove a point.
If you want to parade your vegan sensibilities, you might be better off choosing different guests.
I know vegan food isn't so unusual nowadays and I know lots of children do eat it, but I don't see the point of turning your treat into a political event, causing street for everyone.
If I were you, I would not have even mentioned you had booked a vegan tea to your daughter. If the children eat vegan at your house anyway, they might not even have noticed.
I think you wanted to draw attention to it, but I don't know why.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 27/10/2017 12:21

Maybe the mum would like a bit of cheese as well (if it’s veggie). It’s odd that you have ordered for everyone rather than asking what they would like.

CheerfulMuddler · 27/10/2017 12:22

Ask the place to let you have a look at the menu and send it over to your daughter so she has a sense of how much of it the kids will eat. It's a high tea. There will be sandwiches, but there'll also be cake etc, which the kids will eat.

Tell her to give them a cheese sandwich in the car, and that you're quite happy for them to just eat cake at the tea if they don't want to eat the savory options - it's their presence there that's important. But it's also important to you not to buy animal products and to support the vegan tea, and you hope she'll respect that.

Problem solved. They may pleasantly surprise her, and if they don't, no one will go hungry.

Taylor22 · 27/10/2017 12:27

An invitation is not a summons.
You can give the invite but you can not dictate what they do.

So you need to decide what's more important.

Going to the vegan restaurant (possibly alone) or having a birthday meal with your family that everyone enjoys.

Lethaldrizzle · 27/10/2017 12:31

Mama of twos - that's not the same, thats your Muslim colleagues taking part in an event. I doubt a fully practising Muslim would book their own birthday meal in a place like bodeans - a meat heavy -alcohol serving restaurant chain - because it doesn't sit with their beliefs. But everyone would be ok with that. Equally a non religious vegan's beliefs should be respected.