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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to think a 2 and 5 year old will be fine being vegan for one lunch?

450 replies

mauricesom · 27/10/2017 09:46

It's my birthday next week and I've booked somewhere nice that does a vegan high tea. I've invited my daughter (veggie) and her two sons 7 and 5.

I've booked us all for the vegan high tea but daughter says the children will need ham and cheese else they won't eat it. As I'm paying for it I don't really want to buy things I'm ethically apposed to.

Aibu to think they will be fine with hummus and carrot sandwiches for one meal? They both eat food like that at my house without any issues.

OP posts:
RhiannonOHara · 27/10/2017 11:08

Not by choice we dont

Non-vegan signing in to say, sorry for your theory but I certainly do.
What a daft comment.

herecomesthsun · 27/10/2017 11:10

so I would think there are good vegan possibilities for a high tea

sandwiches

  • peanut butter
-carrot / hummous -? marmite
  • vegan cheese
-quorn ham if you like it -jam -? honey

my kids like garlic flatbreads, so some vegan variation on this might be possible. Maybe some sort of vegan pizza with tomato and onion but no cheese or vegan cheese?

mini tomato tarts?

breadsticks? with hummous or aubergine dip?

scones with vegan spread and jam

vegan cake - all sorts

sweets? nuts? olives? ?crisps ?grapes / strawberries/ cherries?

On the one hand, there should be something they can eat, on the other hand kids are creatures of habit, I would have asked my mum about this too.

MamaOfTwos · 27/10/2017 11:12

OP I think you're being ridiculous, why should everyone cater to your beliefs? You have the vegan option and let everyone else choose what the hell they like. If you're going to throw a paddy if someone else has a ham sandwich then forgo the tea and buy yourself a grip.

BarbaraofSevillle · 27/10/2017 11:13

Not by choice we dont and we certainly dont slop it in a sandwich with carrots either

That statement is so ridiculous, it has to be a joke. I've got carrots, hummus, pitta, falafels and grilled halloumi for my lunch today. I'm not vegetarian and had pate on toast for breakfast.

MsPasspartout · 27/10/2017 11:14

I really don’t see why this would be a massive problem.

If she thinks they won’t like the savoury options why not feed them the ham and cheese sandwiches before they go in for the high tea, and let them loose on the cake bit of the high tea?

That’s what I’d do, anyway. My DC do tend to be pickier when eating out, so I wouldn’t rely on them eating anything other than the cake in a high tea situation, even if favourite sandwich fillings were on offer.

ButchyRestingFace · 27/10/2017 11:16

I would not be fine with hummus and carrot sandwiches, sorry. Perfectly happy to have a veggie option at someone's birthday lunch but not that.

However, as you've fed the grandkids hummus and carrots before you know they'll eat them.

On the other hand, surely you want people to enjoy themselves at a birthday lunch? I'd take them somewhere where you can all enjoy what you're eating.

Save the vegan tea outing for some of your like minded friends.

**

MsPasspartout · 27/10/2017 11:18

And while my kids don’t like hummus much, it is a very mainstream food these days.

LaContessaDiPlump · 27/10/2017 11:18

Even if you capitulated and agreed to let them have ham/cheese, they'd prob just eat cake anyway 'cos kids are kids. Stick to your guns op - your birthday, your choice!

Lethaldrizzle · 27/10/2017 11:18

Mama of twos - because it's her birthday and she has every right to her beliefs! Would you say the same thing if it was religiously based belief?

brasty · 27/10/2017 11:19

I think this is an example, referring to another thread, where it is ok not to put kids wants first. Although OP is talking about all the food being in the middle and kids helping themselves. So in reality the kids will eat cakes and scones and be very happy.

Mrscog · 27/10/2017 11:20

I'd be fine with this, even though we're not vegan, in fact I'd be pleased as even though we're not vegan I frequently get 'the guilt' about eating animal produce so it would give me a feel good factor!

If they're fussy that's their problem won't do a 5/7 year old harm to go a bit hungry for a few hours and I bet you anything they'll eat the cakes!

BarbaraofSevillle · 27/10/2017 11:21

Those examples quoted by herecomesthesun go to illustrate that most vegan food is simply just normal food that everyone would eat, whether vegan or not.

The only things that most non-vegans wouldn't normally eat would be the specialist vegan cheese and spread. Everything else is just everyday food.

ButchyRestingFace · 27/10/2017 11:23

Yes I'm fine if they don't eat any of it.

That's the bit I don't get.

I can't imagine inviting anyone - far less family - out for my birthday tea knowing there is a reasonable chance 2 out of 3 members of the party won't eat what I've elected to go for.

RhiWrites · 27/10/2017 11:25

God forbid that the OP celebrates her birthday the way she wants.

OP, I'd take friends instead of your daughter. It sounds as though she's unwilling to even try to get her kids to eat totally normal vegan food the way they do all the time at your house and thousands of children do every day.

As you can see from this thread some people feel very threatened by the idea of food that isn't their choice. Unfortunately your daughter sounds unsupportive.

Every small child of my acquaintance would love it though, so it's not you who's wrong.

RhiannonOHara · 27/10/2017 11:30

Butchy, it doesn't sound from what the OP says as though there is a reasonable chance the children won't eat the food. Their mother is saying they won't eat it but the OP says they eat similar food at her house regularly and without issues.

And it is a case of her birthday, her choice. I've been to some places I would never usually darken the door of and eaten (and usually paid for, rather than being treated to) set menus and things that I didn't massively enjoy, for the sake of being there to celebrate with loved ones.

It's just basic decency: you smile, say thank you for the treat if it IS a treat, pay your share of the bill if you're all treating the birthday person, and generally act politely and graciously.

The daughter here is being most rude and ungrateful, and at the same time showing her children how not to behave.

PurpleDaisies · 27/10/2017 11:31

You do know non vegans can eat hummus?

Not by choice we dont and we certainly dont slop it in a sandwich with carrots either

There are no non-vegans who eat hummus and carrot sandwiches? Confused

Bizarre comment.

purplecollar · 27/10/2017 11:32

I'd just let them choose what they fancied myself. I'd want them to enjoy the occasion.

If the dc are fussy, it makes it stressful for the dm if there's nothing the dc like. They don't tend to hide their feelings to be polite aged 2.

BertrandRussell · 27/10/2017 11:33

I do wonder why some carnivores get so angry with vegetarians, and even angrier with vegans!

On this thread they are even getting angry with hummus!

ButchyRestingFace · 27/10/2017 11:34

Butchy, it doesn't sound from what the OP says as though there is a reasonable chance the children won't eat the food.

But she has said she doesn't mind if they don't eat. I find that strange. I know they ate the same food at her house, I referenced that in an earlier post.

And it is a case of her birthday, her choice.

Absolutely. Which is why I suggest she goes to vegan place with like minded friends. I don't think the argument for the virtues of selfless sacrifice really holds water when applied to a 5 and 2 year old.

Arguably the daughter is being selfish. But perhaps she knows her own children just that little bit better than granny, and can better predict what will happen in a public eatery when the kids are presented with something they're not too keen on.

brasty · 27/10/2017 11:34

I really like our family and friend rule that whoever's birthday it is, gets to choose where we eat out. So kids choose as well. I would not have chosen some of the places I have been for birthday meals - KFC anyone? But it is good for everyone to learn that on occasion, we put someone else's wants first.

RhiannonOHara · 27/10/2017 11:35

purple, the OP has explained that the ages of the children were a typo. There is no 2-year-old.

If the dc are fussy, it makes it stressful for the dm if there's nothing the dc like

The OP has also said that they both eat food like the food at the birthday tea without any issues, so I'm not sure they're as fussy as you're suggesting.

mumeeee · 27/10/2017 11:36

Sloe I'm another non vegan who thinks your statement is ridiculous. I often by hummus and also eat carrot sticks.
My family all like them too

RhiannonOHara · 27/10/2017 11:37

But she has said she doesn't mind if they don't eat. That's not the same as her being sure they won't eat. And you have to 'not mind', ultimately, if anyone doesn't eat at something you're hosting; what else can you do, force-feed people?

I've already said this, but there is no two-year-old child. The OP clarified that ages ago.

And even if the kids don't eat the sandwiches, anyway, they'll love the cakes and other sweet parts of the meal.

C8H10N4O2 · 27/10/2017 11:37

I don't think the argument for the virtues of selfless sacrifice really holds water when applied to a 5 and 2 year old.

Oh dear gods. Selfless sacrifice? Eating cake and scones and the option on other foods they have eaten quite happily elsewhere?

Has anyone suggested they will be dehydrated yet if bovril isn't available to drink? Hmm

ButchyRestingFace · 27/10/2017 11:40

Oh dear gods. Selfless sacrifice? Eating cake and scones and the option on other foods they have eaten quite happily elsewhere?

I was referring to a comment made by the poster I was replying to, not the prospect of hummus sandwiches (or scones).

Hmm