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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to think a 2 and 5 year old will be fine being vegan for one lunch?

450 replies

mauricesom · 27/10/2017 09:46

It's my birthday next week and I've booked somewhere nice that does a vegan high tea. I've invited my daughter (veggie) and her two sons 7 and 5.

I've booked us all for the vegan high tea but daughter says the children will need ham and cheese else they won't eat it. As I'm paying for it I don't really want to buy things I'm ethically apposed to.

Aibu to think they will be fine with hummus and carrot sandwiches for one meal? They both eat food like that at my house without any issues.

OP posts:

BertrandRussell · 28/10/2017 18:54

So do the hardline omnivores refuse to eat any vegan food at all? No marmite, no party rings, no fruit, no vegetables, no salad, no fruit....to name a few......

grannytomine · 28/10/2017 18:59

I have never met a vegetarian who would not share a table with a meat eater. I can understand it as it might upset people but it was difficult as we were always really clear about it.

If preparing meat meals is part of the job I agree they should do it if they have taken the job. Although I see no harm in them offering a bit more variety to people if the service users want to try it. It was the service users who would complain about it, obviously some service users would choose to be vegetarian (I don't remember any being vegan but perfectly possible) but the point is that it is there home and they have every right to eat what they want just like you or me. They have so many choices taken away so having a steak or a roast or a ham sandwich doesn't seem much to ask. Generally people would sometimes have a vegetarian meal, I think it was the attitude and mutterings about "how disgusting" and such like that upset them.

ArcheryAnnie · 28/10/2017 19:01

The OP isn't taking a job in a care home and forcing the clients to eat hummus. She's going out for her own birthday tea, for which she is paying.

grannytomine · 28/10/2017 19:08

ArcheryAnnie, I was replying to someone who had compared vegans only offering vegan food to omnivores only offering meat. My experience of vegetarians and vegans seeking to impose their choice on others was relevant. That sort of thing happens on threads, do you think people should just keep repeating, "I think it is OK" and "I don't think it is OK."

C8H10N4O2 · 28/10/2017 19:14

Everyone I know would do that so

But how? Afternoon tea is set menu, usually for X people. If the venue had a meat based afternoon tea, and the OP ordered what would she eat? The whole point of a set menu is that it is set but contains a variety of elements. Not to mention no guarantee of the legendary ham sandwich anyway.

But the OP chose a menu that based on her previous experience with the guests everyone could enjoy. There is no reason to assume they won't enjoy it in this case.

It is no different to attending a small buffet - there will likely be a mix of items you do or don't like. Would you really complain to the host that their buffet contained an item you don't like or if it didn't contain your personal favourites?

As a host I consider my guests needs but as a guest I would think it very rude to complain because one small element was not my personal preference.

ArcheryAnnie · 28/10/2017 19:16

This is a very sensible comment.

MsPasspartout · 28/10/2017 20:45

I suppose an afternoon tea is really like a small buffet, isn’t it?

A small buffet that normally comprises a selection of sandwiches, scones, small pastries and cakes.

letsmargaritatime · 28/10/2017 20:52

I’m sure they won’t starve and there are lots of sensible suggestions on here about how this needn’t become “a thing”

However, if you dictated what my kids could or couldn’t eat when eating out in the basis of what you are ethically opposed to because you are paying?.....

I’d feel a bit judged I think

PumpkinSquash · 28/10/2017 21:09

A small buffet that normally comprises a selection of sandwiches, scones, small pastries and cakes

Exactly, it's just such a non issue! They can eat the pastries, scones etc. It won't matter for one afternoon. There's bound to be something they like, even if it's just lots of cake.
I think people hear the word "vegan!" and automatically panic and have to be passed the smelling salts

ArcheryAnnie · 28/10/2017 21:20

letsmargueritatime I can't imagine you'd kick off at the lack of sausages, or feel "judged" by not being provided bacon, if you were invited to dinner by a Muslim or Jewish friend. I don't see how this is any different.

MissesBloom · 28/10/2017 22:48

I'd not be told what my kids would and wouldn't be eating based on your requirements or beliefs.

Id buy the kids their own meals so that they could be included too. No need for a big fuss. They get to see granny on her birthday and they get to eat too.

I really would hate someone feeling the need to dictate and tell me they can't have ham for lunch it's silly. They can serve a meat filled sandwich so why not cater for all. It just seems pushy and would be frustrating.

Humus sound good but you don't know thats what they serve

Mustang27 · 28/10/2017 23:00

Sorry when I meant someone needs to compromise I didn’t mean the person that’s vegan. I meant the adults needed to come up with a compromise. As I said kids will be fine eating vegan food for one meal but I’d be unhappy if they were sitting starving if it was my birthday just because of my food choices. I’m coeliac with chronic ibs so gf and on low fodmap so my diet is quite restricted and I’d never dream of forcing others to eat my diet unless I knew they would definitely enjoy and eat it. What a waste of money and a day if everyone is miserable.

I really want a grated carrot and hummus sandwich though, sad times .

claireyjs · 28/10/2017 23:05

My DDs aged 7 and 4 will eat carrot sticks, cucumber, peppers and hummus until the cows come home but not in a sandwich. Can they serve as a snack platter to the kids?

ArcheryAnnie · 28/10/2017 23:53

I'd not be told what my kids would and wouldn't be eating based on your requirements or beliefs.

So, MissesBloom, you would never allow your kids to accept an invitation to tea from, eg, a Jewish or a Muslim friend? You wouldn't allow them to accept an invitation from a friend whose household is vegetarian? You seem to have a very controlling mindset.

MissesBloom · 29/10/2017 06:57

But op isnt muslim or jewish
....shes vegan!! NOT the same. Also this isn't in ops home, surely she could relax the rules a little while out for two kids? If they were invited by a friend to their home I wouldn't expect them to be able to eat meat in their home, but equally would allow them to turn down the invitation if they didn't want to go. That's called choice!
It sounds incredibly controlling to try and force your beliefs on others by controlling what they eat. It's just overbearing and rude. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and a meat eater invited a relative for lunch but refused to buy a veggie option for their guest for 'just one meal' . You choose to be vegan and should respect others that don't.

BertrandRussell · 29/10/2017 07:05

But op isnt muslim or jewish
....shes vegan!! NOT the same"

Exactly the same. Dietary choices made for ethical reasons. Where's the difference?!

MissesBloom · 29/10/2017 07:43

You're also describing a cult but I'm sure you wouldn't compare it to one?

It isn't the same. In any case, you shouldn't force your beliefs on others. It is judgemental. No one has the right to tell a vegan or vegetarian to eat meat...the same goes for the reverse.

It is a birthday tea, it would be nice if they could spend it together and each enjoy their food. Why would you deliberately exclude your dgc? Makes no sense.

longestlurkerever · 29/10/2017 07:49

I am a definite carnivore but don't see this as an issue. I don't buy nestle things, for me or the kids. Or as gifts for people. No one starves, there are plenty of other things to choose from. Since when did people let their kids dictate to such a degree, even in a restaurant? We would be eating ice cream for every meal if I adopted that approach, and I'm a fan of the path of least resistance on the whole.

icedgem85 · 29/10/2017 07:56

YANBU. How is this even a question? Of course it's OK and you shouldn't compromise your morals. It's one lunch. And to people saying it's unethical to starve small children, well, if they're that hungry they will eat it! They're going to have a hard time trying new things if one lunch without ham and cheese sandwiches is causing a problem. Stick to your guns. My brother's a vegan and we always eat vegan when he's here and we go out to Ethiopian / vegan Chinese and Indian restaurants. My kids do eat less there and there's a bit of whining at the Ethiopian (which is delicious!) but when they realise there will definitely be no chips/chicken nuggets then they will eat a bit and she can always give them some toast or a sandwich afterwards if they're 'starving'!

Kinzi73 · 29/10/2017 08:49

Forget about whether the kids will eat or not, why the hell are you having to arrange and PAY for your own birthday tea?? Your daughter should be treating you to a day out, and yes as it's your birthday it should be to your liking. Kids will eat anything if they are hungry enough and if they don't they're not going to starve for the sake of a
few hours!

MrsOverTheRoad · 29/10/2017 08:57

Kinzi maybe the OP's daughter couldn't afford to arrange such an outing.

It really isn't something everyone can afford you know.

PumpkinSquash · 29/10/2017 09:40

Ooh, off topic (kind of!) but Ethiopian restaurant? Never been to one of those! What dishes do you get there? I love trying anything new.

grannytomine · 29/10/2017 09:50

So, MissesBloom, you would never allow your kids to accept an invitation to tea from, eg, a Jewish or a Muslim friend? You wouldn't allow them to accept an invitation from a friend whose household is vegetarian? You seem to have a very controlling mindset.

The other way round but one of my kids had a good friend who was Muslim. He would come to parties with his own little bag of sandwiches. I have Muslim family so it wasn't really necessary but it saved him and his parents any anxiety so no problem. I was happy for my son to eat halal at his house and if I hadn't been I could have sent something. The point of the parties was for people to enjoy themselves and have fun so that was what we all aimed for.

Madhairday · 29/10/2017 10:12

This thread is astounding.

A grandma would love to share a birthday afternoon tea with her DD and dgc. Being vegan, she often doesn't get opportunity to have a choice of things she can eat and enjoy eating. It's her birthday, so she chooses something that she'll enjoy. Something she knows her DD and dgc will be fine with, because it is food. With cake.

By some replies on here, this woman is forcing these poor starving children to eat sandwiches full of rusty nails followed by scones made of iron filings and grass.

It's an afternoon tea. There will be a few finger sized sandwiches with things like hummus or maybe roast veg or even jam. And cake. Lots of lovely cake. This is not forcing anything. It's ordering an afternoon tea which everyone can eat and the birthday girl can actually enjoy for once in her life.

If it was my DC I would tell them to suck it up and don't dare fuss about it. But they wouldn't, because they have manners and love their grandparents more than whether they get a ham sandwich or not.

Unbelievable

C8H10N4O2 · 29/10/2017 10:20

But op isnt muslim or jewish
....shes vegan!! NOT the same"

How is it different? She has made ethical choices why would you not honour them simply because they are not based around a deity?

Honestly MN is batshit on the subject of vegetarianism. It really makes me wonder about the level of nutritional knowledge out there in the wild.

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