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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I don't need permission from dh to diet

157 replies

Jesstheblackandwhitecat · 26/10/2017 18:17

Or do I?

I want to do a very low calorie diet - shakes and soups.

Dh has said no as he is worried that seeing me not eating will affect the children (they are already poor eaters)

I can't work out inches being an arse or not ...

OP posts:
gobster · 26/10/2017 23:20

Then don’t eat healthily, just eat less

SheSaidNoFuckThat · 26/10/2017 23:21

Use one of the kids size plates, plate up yourself a "child" portion and you'll soon see results if you don't snack in between. You will see a decent portion on the plate which tricks your brain into thinking you're having more. I have the same size dinner as my 8 year old and am full, if I had a bigger plate I would fill it and still eat it all

Original poster
Jesstheblackandwhitecat · 26/10/2017 23:23

I do appreciate dieting tips but believe me, I know the lot and then some Hmm

Girls my age were buying Heather shimmer lipstick and choosing between oasis and blur, I was buying laxatives and calorie counting books with my pocket money.

OP posts:
littlepeas · 26/10/2017 23:25

You have to think of how you will have to eat in the long term and do that, find something that works for you but you have to stick to it long term. Using myself as an example for my method:

To maintain my current weight I need 2050 calories per day. To maintain my ideal weight I would need 1850. So I eat the latter and have a deficit of 200 cals per day - not loads and will mean a slow loss, but once I get to goal I will not have to change how I eat to maintain. If I exercise I can eat a bit more and this will also improve my shape, mental health, etc.

If you have more to lose then the gap will be bigger, but ultimately you have to maintain your weight loss once you've achieved it, or there is no point.

Nancy91 · 26/10/2017 23:34

Gobster I love that graph, nobody ever wants to hear it when I talk about eating at a deficit though! Everyone wants to over complicate weight loss to sell silly books and diet plans.

Booboobooboo84 · 26/10/2017 23:39

Op are you exercising with the diet. Because the key really is move more eat better. I’m on a specialist nhs diet currently due to my medication causing medically induced anorexia (no I’m not naming the tablet) so my issue isn’t that I want to control my food it’s that I have no appetite and no want for food. I was 105 pounds over an ideal weight and since the start of September I’ve lost fifty pounds. But the key for me is I’ve been moving more. I’m eating way more than I did because I basically ate one shit carb ful meal a day plus fizzy drinks. Now I eat proper balanced meals and no fizzy crap. But it’s seriously the exercising that makes a difference

WorraLiberty · 26/10/2017 23:39

Girls my age were buying Heather shimmer lipstick and choosing between oasis and blur, I was buying laxatives and calorie counting books with my pocket money.

And yet it seems you've learned nothing.

You also say you're going to crack on regardless of your DH's worries and that he's agreed to support you.

It sounds more like he's just agreed to put up and shut up, to be fair.

You're determined to do it regardless of the risks, so good luck with it.

gobster · 26/10/2017 23:53

@Nancy91 couldn’t agree more, people want someone else to tell them what to eat but then because it’s not what they like and restrictive it fails

It’s taken me ages to realise this myself, I liked rules to follow but realising I didn’t need to follow anything other than ensuring my weeks average calories met my deficit target was incredibly freeing!

DaisyRaine90 · 26/10/2017 23:56

*Gobster
*
They have done trials with people only eating fast food and they lose weight if there’s a calorie deficit 😊

gobster · 27/10/2017 00:06

might have to try and experiment with just cheese 😂

DaisyRaine90 · 27/10/2017 00:07

*Gobster
*
Cheese is how I get fat in the first place 😂😂

DaisyRaine90 · 27/10/2017 00:08

I don’t eat sugar really, not much bread or puddings, but OmG the cheese with crackers and pickle but on its own otherwise. I could not do slimming world. 30g of cheddar is what I call “a smidge” x

BeachyKeen · 27/10/2017 00:20

You need to be a lot more honest with yourself.
Why won't you eat healthier now? You need to figure that out, or you will never keep it off.
If you child was overweight, would you put them on a severe diet?
If you know, honestly, what you are doing won't work in the long run, then why are you insisting on doing it?

If a carpenter showed you 20 falling down shacks, and said, " I know all about construction, I've been doing it since high school ", would you hire him?
You've admitted you've been trying fad diet since you were a teen, and it doesn't work on the long run. Maybe it's time to do something totally different.
No diet. No end goal. No target weight. Just eat right, and exercise, for the sake of it, right now.

gobster · 27/10/2017 00:22

Hmmmm cheese and crackers and pickles hmmmmmm

RemainOptimistic · 27/10/2017 02:11

OP you say you know all about dieting. I'm sorry but you clearly don't know. Dieting is a really really bad idea and is linked to mental health issues around food.

I think you need to visit the GP and get help with the underlying issues around food. Using laxatives as a teenager is not a sign of a healthy relationship with your body and if you've not had any support since then, no wonder you're feeling helpless to change.

Merida83 · 27/10/2017 05:04

So this goes against most other replies but. I spent years yoyo dieting. Tried all the obvious and failed.

Did a shakes and soups one (with bars as option too). It's was nutritiously sound. Best thing I've ever done. Lost about 6 stone. Weight still off (Well current weight gain was pregnancy so I refuse to include it lol).

But I did do it with dh support. Tho I'd of done it without if needed.

Good luck OP Smile

MsHopey · 27/10/2017 06:03

I am overweight and have no willpower. I've done weight watchers, slimming world, my fitness pal and the Cambridge diet.
Now, I did lose weight on the Cambridge diet, did I keep it off? No. Was i the most miserable ive ever been in my life? Yes.
I was invited to a big 21st birthday party. Off we all go, me with my 300ml shake in my hand bag and good intentions. I will say I had more willpower than I was expecting and didn't eat a morsel. But I was vile, nasty, I ridiculously hated every single person who was eating, including my DH. In the end I took myself away to the toilet for half an hour to have a good cry. It is absolutely soul destroying and definitely even harder to stick to than weight watchers. You can't go for dinner in restaurants, you can't eat at other people's houses, and they don't exactly taste nice either. And is not sustainable or healthy.
The consultants actually tell you not to be too active because your calories deficit is so big that you could pass out or get dizzy. Definitely not a diet that will improve your health or mood, but hey, you might look a bit slimmer before you crack and can't take it anymore.
Really not worth it IMO.

Pengggwn · 27/10/2017 06:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

footballmum · 27/10/2017 06:33

The problem with many many people is that as soon as they go on a “diet” it triggers craving and binging tendencies. This is because your body can’t cope with the restriction and creates an overwhelming desire to eat, eat, eat (and often craves sugary carby food). Like you and lots of other people I’ve tried every “diet” on the planet and I’m bigger than I ever was.

Then you get people saying “you can’t have stuck to those diets otherwise you wouldn’t be fat” which makes you feel like a failure. You aren’t the failure. Diets are. Diets don’t work. Otherwise anyone who joins SW, WW or does the Cambridge Diet would lose weight the first time and it would stay off. Yes that can be the experience for a few people but for the MAJORITY of people the weight goes back on and more and then they try another diet and the whole cycle starts again.

I’ve stopped dieting. I’m still overweight but I’m not obsessing about food and I’m not feeling like a failure any more. I’ve started to learn about nutrition and the benefits of any form of exercise. I’ve thrown the scales out and started to like myself again. The consequence is that the biscuits and cakes in the office or the cupboard at home have lost their allure and I can walk past them again.

I’ve joined the latest Rebelfit mission (check him out on Facebook) and I’m changing my mindset about food, weight and health. He also explains all of this way better than me!

I might drop a dress size in the process but if I don’t that’s ok. Quite frankly I’m no longer prepared to sacrifice my mental health in the eternal quest for a size 10.

Pengggwn · 27/10/2017 06:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WildBluebelles · 27/10/2017 07:06

The issue is whether the DH has a right to vet the OP's food choices

No he doesn't obviously. But his concern is entirely legitimate because he is worried about the example she would set to their children. I would imagine he would also have a problem if the OP wanted to engage in other things that would set a bad example, but ultimately it is the OP's choice.

However, it is very clear that this diet will not work. The OP has a very blinkered black and white way of thinking (shown by her being apparently unable to eat healthy when she is overweight). She has admitted to abusing laxatives in the past and now she wants to embark on a starvation diet. Any weight she loses will most probably go back on and the cycle starts again. If her kids are exposed to this, they might have eating problems themselves in the future, so I would say the DH's concerns are entirely legitimate.

Pengggwn · 27/10/2017 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArgyMargy · 27/10/2017 08:03

I know two women who lost a large amount of weight on VLCD and have kept it off for 10+ years. I also know people who have lost a lot of weight and put it back on again - typical yoyo dieters. I think it can work but like many things, it varies.

WhyWouldYouThinkThat · 27/10/2017 08:09

I've tried fitness enemy pal, ww, sw ... 

Try them again. 🤷🏻‍♀️

bsmirched · 27/10/2017 08:15

I'm really interested to read all the negative comments about VLCDs, that they don't work, are inherently unhealthy etc. I was chatting with my GP recently, who said that the latest thinking is that they are very successful for those with lots to lose. The proper plans, like Cambridge, have 'refeeding' plans to move you back on to a normal, healthy diet.