To think I don't need permission from dh to diet

[Jesstheblackandwhitecat]

Or do I?

I want to do a very low calorie diet - shakes and soups.

Dh has said no as he is worried that seeing me not eating will affect the children (they are already poor eaters)

I can't work out inches being an arse or not ...

You could probably eat child size portions without them noticing.

If "you can't do that" what are you going to do when you go back to eating "normally"? A VLCD is not a magic bullet, you'll be back where you started or heavier if you can't change the way you eat/live in the long term.

Read your own words back, OP.

You say you've tried MFP, WW and SW.

Well you obviously couldn't have stuck to them, or changed your eating/exercise habits in any meaningful way.

Therefore, this diet will end up exactly the same, except it runs the risk of fucking up your kid's attitude towards food/exercise too.

Soup/shake diets are crap - you need to alter your day to day nutrition or you'll just whack the weight back on again. Your husband is right, it does set a bad example to your children who already seem to have issues with their eating.

Low calorie, healthy meals are the right way to lose weight and stay healthy. You need to 'train' yourself to eat healthily not rely on quick fix bollocks like Slimfast etc.

You're not crap OP, but what you're proposing is not the way to a healthier lifestyle. It's really not. (I know).

It's not slim fast.

I had an eating disorder as a teenager and i suppose there are still shadows of it now because I just find it very hard to eat 'normally.

There's really no need to be quite so aggressive with some of the replies.

It's not always about permission, though; he has a better objective view about your health than you do at the minute (because you know full well very low calorie diets and meal replacements don't work long-term and certainly don't improve your health or strength). There's nothing wrong with working on yourself and choosing to lose weight but children are easily influenced when it comes to body shape and size, so think hard before you decide to lay this in front of them.

If it's any consolation I am a fucking nightmare eater; I'm greedy, I love treats and I've no self-control. So at the start of August I cut out all chocolate, sweets, crisps, cakes, junk and processed shite. The first month was tough (I felt almost hungover some mornings because I was so used to shovelling sugar down my neck) but two months on I've lost two stone, am so much happier and have so much more energy. It's just willpower. Just making better choices. I have treats and nights off, but 90% of my diet is fabulous. No low calorie, no low, fat, no meal replacements, no sweetener or aspartame or any other mad shit in low-calorie food. Just good, honest food more of the time. Please treat your body kindly.

If you have had an eating disorder in the past then that’s all the more reason to not follow any extreme diet.

Why not get your DH onside and work together to make sensible, sustainable changes?

What you’re proposing with your history is unreasonable. Just join a slimming club and try a proper balanced diet and see how that works.

See I started doing that too - also in August- and have put it back on

I'm afraid being thin won't mean that you're magically happy and confident!

I'm sorry if you find some of the replies 'aggressive' OP

But you really do need to ask yourself if you really want to run the risk of passing an ED on to your children.

*It's not slim fast."

"shakes and soups"

Slimfast by any other name though isn't it. The same unhealthy, unsustainable way of eating.

I get the feeling you're just going to argue against anyone saying it's not healthy so crack on with it love.

Conceded I am worried about that worra but I'm also apparently incapable of dieting "normally" (I know this makes no sense.)

Sorry for being a bit over sensitive

The stop dieting completely.

If diets worked, you'd only have to do one in your entire life.

They don't work (as you've repeatedly found out.

Only a healthy lifestyle change will help you lose weight and keep it off.

It's also a great example to your kids.

*Then

I did Cambridge diet when my kids were 4 and 2 and lost 3.5 stone. I ate my soups and shakes like they were real soup- with bowl and spoon so that the dcs would still see me eating. They are now 13 and 11 and have suffered no ill effects.

I have never put on more than a stone of it back on either 😊

So I don't necessarily think YABU

Lighter Life (or whatever) is desperately unhealthy and while you drop an alarming amount of weight very quickly, its unsustainable and a very unhealthy way of managing your weight. You would be better off with SW, which forces you to choose healthier choices whilst still eating enough to fill you up. Search for Two Chubby Cubs on Facebook who create SW friendly recipes that won't bore you, which is, imo, why most 'diets' fail. It's a lifestyle change, not a diet, iyswim.

You clearly haven’t stuck to SW or WW or you’d have lost weight - I say that as someone who has tried both.

Shake diets aren’t recommended for people who’ve had eating disorders. If I were you, I’d go back to Slimming World and give it a go for at least 10 weeks before writing it off. It sounds as though your issue is to do with self-sabotage and willpower.

My DP had similar concerns when I did slim fast:

“It’s not real food, DD will grow up thinking diets like that are normal”

“You can’t eat with us, it ruins family time”

& also that he was worried I would get aggravated and hypoglycaemic and make “everyone’s life hell”

I am still subbing breakfast for a shake as didn’t used to eat that at all, but otherwise using portion control.

I’ve lost 5 lbs so far.

I told him I wanted to do couch to 5k and thought he’d laugh at me or have some issue with it like the diet. Instead he said he would help anyway he can, do it with me if I want him to, and also said “make sure your swimming and doing Pilates too on your dad off or you might get stiff as you’re not used to running much.”

He offered to do some sponsored fun runs and even a marathon with me if I like. He said “it will be good for both of our healths, mentally as well as physically.”

Sometimes I hate him for criticising me, but ultimately he wants me to be healthy so I can be the best Mum to our kids as I can be for as long as I can.

He was genuinely worried for my health on crash diets I think

Have you asked your GP for advice? If you've tried sw, ww, and my fitness pal, I don't think shakes and soups will work. I also agree with your DH that it isn't a healthy approach to show your DCs. Perhaps your GP could suggest an alternative or/and a local support group that understands recovering from eating disorders.

I'm afraid I agree that your husband is right.

You can obviously choose to do what you want with your body, however, you are a parent now and he is concerned about the message you will be sending to your children.

And with good reason.

You need to model good habits (whether you like it or not) so that they avoid the same traps and difficulties that you did.

Which is also part of being a good parent.

You simply cannot say

^I can't do that though! I am crap I know.*

Because it doesn't work like that. You can. You just have to do it.

Worra you are so right. These diets don't work. What helped me was finding the right alternatives to junk foods. So for example I have snack-a-jacks instead of crisps and dark chocolate instead of milk chocolate and I've swapped sugar in my tea for sweetners. There's loads of subtle changes you can make OP that really help and you don't feel too deprived. Make it a lifestyle choice then it's easier. Wheat makes me put on pounds too, it's very bloating. I have sweet potato wraps instead of sandwiches and snack on rice cakes with marmite and low fat cream cheese. I never have takeaways or eat cake and that helps too.

As a serial crap dieter myself you have my sympathies
Basically they are all pointless the only thing that works is eating less moving more, but you know that don't you?
How about trying something like hypnotherapy and food therapy to iron out the daemons before embarking on a sensible diet? A good one to do with the kids is a sugar free month can stop just before xmas

My friend is following an NHS healthy eating programme. She said after years of diet clubs etc it’s taught her to eat better. She’s lost 8st. Unfortunately she cannot see it despite me and our other friend complimenting her how on well she looks etc. She always turns it back to how well we’ve done on SW and we’ve lost half of what she has.

I had to lose the weight to allow me to have treatment on the NHS. I now look at it as being a lifestyle change rather than a diet. I go to 2 burlesque fitness classes a week too now. Never thought I would do that. But my focus was to lose the weight for the surgery. But now I’ve realised its for me.

You need to do it for you but do it sensibly. You can do it.