Men keep ignoring me in my own bloody shop

[Kitee]

I own a small local shop that sells office supplies/ printing equipment etc amongst other things.

I have been noticing lately that men COMPLETELY blank me in favour of my male colleague whom I have recently employed - let’s call him Joe (until then it was just me so they had no other option)

For example, yesterday a woman came in with her husband. I greeted them and asked if I could help with anything. He started to reply to me and then when he noticed Joe he just turned his back on me and continued what he was saying to Joe. I was so angry! It’s my shop!

Second example, a man came in with a list of items he needed which included product codes etc. Once again I greeted him warmly and he walked straight past me, did not even acknowledge me, to make a beeline for Joe.

I’m seriously getting fed up of this.

I know not ALL MEN do this.

I don’t know if they even realise they are doing it?

It’s pretty disheartening to be honest, I feel like I’m not taken as seriously and it’s presumed that I just don’t know what I’m talking about.

Anyone else experienced this or have any way of dealing with it?

AIBU to wear a big sign round my neck staying that I am more than capable of serving you in my own shop?

Well I'm in France and tbh, if I see a man and a woman in a shop I make a beeline for the man too.

I didn't when I lived in the UK or in any of the other countries I lived in, or for the first few years of living here, but many years of bitter experience have taught me to stop wasting my time and bypass the women. I have no idea why so many women in shops in France seem to revel in being unhelpful and doing as little as possible, but it seems to be a thing. I have talked to a number of people about it, including many french people, and they have agreed they tend to do the same.

So I'm not so sure if it's a patriarchy thing...

Funny how this type of thread doesn’t make it into the DailyHate

My job is quite niche but essentially I’m a specialised project manager working in large companies. Once there was a random guy hot desking in our office area and when I went to make a cup of tea he cornered me in the kitchen to ask me to process his expenses, he was most put out when I said I didn’t have a clue as it wasn’t my job.

Just thought I'd say that it unfortunately works the other way around too. DH spent weeks convincing nursery that all emails/invoices should go to him and that he should be contacted first in the event of illness. Even now I get the emails about photo day/fancy dress. And never get him started on the lack of dad accessible baby changing facilities...

Get a bell you can ring, and every time it happens ring it. It'll confuse them and might make them aware next time.

I'm thinking I must have a 'don't mess with me face' as I confess never to have experienced this!

That’s awful, without being rude is it anything else at all? Maybe Joe’s body language emits a more approachable vibe?

Of course it may not be like that and I’m sure you’re the expert on all things shop. The name badge with ‘manager’ and ‘sales assistant’ sounds like a very good idea.

RhiWrites - fabulous!

I work in a very specialised field and recently I've had a client ask whether I can do the written work but have a male colleague make any telephone calls. He would have to ask me what to say?!

I've also written work for a male colleague (as part of his team) and this "Item 1" has been sent with his name on it. I've then written "Item 2" in my name but been told by the female client that I should probably check with Mr X get him to explain Item 1 to me so I understand everything (...that I wrote).

This sounds like the beginning of a joke, but as an oncology registrar I was about to see a patient and reading over his paperwork in a bay once, when I overheard the male patient asking the male nurse about what’s going to happen to him. He replied he didn’t know but the doctor would be along shortly. A male physio enters the bay,.. quite casual polo neck style outfit - but wearing a stethoscope. The patient tries to get his attention but he’s busy with someone else, so politely says he will try to come back later.

I enter the bay to review said patient and close the curtain....
“Will you be long love, only I’m trying to catch the attention of that doctor bloke...”

Do my best consultation, have a clear competent plan. Leave the patient.

The male nurse, male physio and now a male cleaner are in the bay. He thinks im out of ear shot.

Patient:- was that it? Can’t one of you men look after me.

Cleaner- “I’ll be sweeping under your bed in a minute mate.”

I don't have a funny voice by the way, they just wanted to be seen to have a man working for them.

I totally believe you OP. I used to work for a well known electrical superstore and had this all the time. It was made worse as the (male) boss decided that as I was female I would be good at selling home appliances like microwaves and vaccuums and used to put me exclusively on that department.

Except I was 16 and a computer nerd. One day the shop was really busy and none of the male sales guys were free and an older gentleman (65ish) came in wanting to buy his first computer. He asked politely if I could help and not to worry if I couldn't, he'd wait.

Well of course I managed to sell him a computer by explaining everything and answering all his questions. Gave him a free Freeserve CD to get him online (lol that dates me!). Ended up selling him a printer too and the extended warranty on both. All told it was about a £600 sale.

Was I thanked? No. The boss told me to leave computer sales to the men who knew stuff about computers. The guys often had no knowledge and woukd literally just read off the tickets.

A couple of years later I handed in my notice to go off to take my unconditionally offered place at uni (after selling many computers, consoles, stereos etc. None of which my boss thought I had any natural aptitude to sell). Boss asked me what was I off to study?

Computing and artificial intelligence.

Buying tech is still one of my favourite activities. Salesmen get very uncomfortable when I don't simply want to buy the laptop that comes in pink.

Derxa I honestly have no idea what happened to the calf. It was over 20 years ago. I suspect that one of my be-penised colleagues went out later so he got an out of hours call out charge on top of the bill for wasting my time.

I once had to recruit someone for a fairly senior role in a small agency I ran at the time. One guy sent me his CV and was invited to interview by me, via email with my job role in my signature. In the week leading up to the interview I saw he checked my Linkedin profile at least 3 times, researched the company etc. Got to the interview where I introduce myself and start with the questions, he doesn't really answer any of them, or indeed let me finish, but instead goes off on a tangent mansplaining how brilliant he was, how he knew loads of interesting people and how he was misunderstood as he wasn't art director of a top agency like he should have been.
At this point I end the interview and ask him if he has any questions. He looks me in the eye and asks "so, are you from HR then?"
I had to let him down gently and explain that actually I was the boss. Oddly enough he seemed surprised.
A few days later he phones me to ask if he got the job. I told him no, we'd found someone more suitable (to let him down gently). This was followed the next day by an email, again asking if he had got the job. I replied no citing a lack of attention to detail as the primary reason. Rang up again a couple of days later and this time got the male intern. Spent 10 minutes chewing his ear off complaining that I wouldn't give him a job, was glad he was speaking to someone higher up and when could he come in to meet him?

Then there was the time a twenty something interviewee for a junior role tried brazenly flirting with me (in my early 40s at the time) as a tactic for securing the job. I mean, really??? And no, I was not showing my cleavage or wearing a short skirt at the time.

Melassa how come he rang to ask if he got the job? Do you not normally contact people to let them know they were unsuccessful?

@CauliflowerSqueeze

Not only is that story true (though old, as it happened about 20 years ago) but I am still in touch with the colleague who worked for me so can provide not only a character witness but an actual witness on demand. I also know a few mumsnetters in person so don't generally spin tales as they may catch me out! (Remind me to tell you about the time I got held up at gunpoint in Nigeria one day)

My colleague was delighted at how it played out.

(yes I was such a good boss that my staff stay in touch with me for decades - though to be fair only 4 of them).

Kitee - I believe the line you're looking for is "actually that's the managing director".

We hadn't finished interviewing. To be fair I hadn't actually chosen the person, it was an excuse to let him down gently. We would normally contact them to say yay or nay with varying degrees of feedback as necessary. This guy was so bad I didn't have anything positive to say about him, but felt sorry for him all the same. Hence the white lie.

Sorry, that was to Cauliflower

As for MAC - I get the (generalised!) feeling really that the assistants on the counters are not there for women, but really for themselves. They regard the counter as their playground and just make each other up all day, and if a customer needs help they sigh, rush over, say "it's up to yooouuuu", then get back to their colouring in.

So true!

Too many medical ones to mention. Being told to “shut up and let the doctor tell me what HE thinks” (the “doctor” was a healthcare assistant).

Being asked if I was “some sort of fucking secretary or something” at 3am after doing a PR on somebody (and yes, I introduced myself as the senior doctor on call, and no, the patient wasn’t confused). I feigned concern that he must be delirious to think that a secretary would be sticking her fingers up his bum at 3am, and did a loud, slow, patronising memory test. No patient out-patronises me!

And yep, no airline wants me to assist in emergencies (win for me, honestly), and it regularly blows salesmen’s minds that I am Dr Sashkin and DH is Mr Sashkin. Some assume we are both Dr Sashkin, since it is clearly impossible for a woman to be a doctor in her own right, so the most logical solution is that he is the doctor and I must have just adopted his title as well as his surname after marriage.

I only adopted his surname because we’d already had years of him being called Dr Maiden-name because we lived together and all doctors must be men).

Ooh ooh I have another one.

I have a fairly common surname - think Smith

I was in New York presenting the European budgets to the board with my boss who was MD of the region. Whilst we were there one of the companies senior clients (think MD of Cadburys but American) was being presented with an award for being a great chap. Apparently they have them all the time in NY - you are expected to fill a table at £100+ per head with people who don;t want to be there and the food is godawful.

Anyway we (corporately) dutifully took a table and I was invited. LOads of security as the speakers included the then mayor of new york and the secretary general of the UN - so we had to submit names in advance to be security checked.

I turn up with our regional MD in my black frock to horror my name NOT ON THE LIST! How could this be my boss was on it and our names were sent in together.

Worldwide chairman with same surname as mine turned up about the same time and tried to help sort out the problem.

Luckily one of the most important skills of any good ex-auditor is to be able read upside down.

"Hey CHris (worldwide CHair), is your wife coming?"

"No it's company staff only tonight, why?"

I said to entry person..

"I think you'll find I'm MRs Chris Smith"

They had taken the fact that I had the same surname as him to be a clear fact that we were married and even kindly converted my name from "Barbarella Smith" which had been submitted to "Mrs Chris Smith".

I run a shop with DH and men do this to me all the time to speak to any other man in the shop (even if he's not working there and he's just another customer, they'll ask him instead of me). It's so infuriating!

In the nicest possible way, aren't we a little responsible here, for sometimes having jobs ( particularly in sales ) based on our looks rather than ability

Fair point. I do feel responsible for having got the job of Finance Director based on my looks.

In my defence they were simple minded enough to appoint me when I simpered at them and flashed a bit of calculator.

Amazed and disgusted, I don't get this treatment and get approached very often. Plumbers, work men and the likes all deal with me even with dh nearby. Worked pt in shops and hotels when in my 20s as a student and never noticed this type of sexism, as men and women did their jobs.

@BlackAmericanoNoSugar

Blimey, who the bloody hell are you...?!

I used to be bran, we met in July with your gorgeous DS when he was getting stationery for his new school.