Men keep ignoring me in my own bloody shop

[Kitee]

I own a small local shop that sells office supplies/ printing equipment etc amongst other things.

I have been noticing lately that men COMPLETELY blank me in favour of my male colleague whom I have recently employed - let’s call him Joe (until then it was just me so they had no other option)

For example, yesterday a woman came in with her husband. I greeted them and asked if I could help with anything. He started to reply to me and then when he noticed Joe he just turned his back on me and continued what he was saying to Joe. I was so angry! It’s my shop!

Second example, a man came in with a list of items he needed which included product codes etc. Once again I greeted him warmly and he walked straight past me, did not even acknowledge me, to make a beeline for Joe.

I’m seriously getting fed up of this.

I know not ALL MEN do this.

I don’t know if they even realise they are doing it?

It’s pretty disheartening to be honest, I feel like I’m not taken as seriously and it’s presumed that I just don’t know what I’m talking about.

Anyone else experienced this or have any way of dealing with it?

AIBU to wear a big sign round my neck staying that I am more than capable of serving you in my own shop?

Moreisnnogedag I feel your pain. My department once received a complaint from a patient unhappy that he had hadn't been seen by a doctor. I had spent 40 minutes with him, introduced myself as Dr Selma, and had a bloody great name badge on. AND he worked in the same fucking hospital!

I did quite enjoy composing my response though

I sympathise - I regularly get this (in academia). Most memorable recent one was a man asking me to do his photocopying at a conference. I was the keynote speaker.

In the nicest possible way, aren't we a little responsible here, for sometimes having jobs ( particularly in sales ) based on our looks rather than ability

Having read all your stories I know what you mean but the people you're meeting don't seem to have much business sense. I know you won't believe me but farmers aren't too bad for this. In my experience. My money's as good as anyone else's at the market.

OP if your business is doing well I would just laugh it off because you can't afford to piss off the customer by lecturing them. As long as Joe is directing people to you for expert assistance then it's OK.

oh my god, yes Moreisnnogedag - the credit card thing. OH is a surgical reg so has dropped the Dr in favour of Mr. It blows peoples minds that he's the surgeon but I'm the "Dr".

Probably the worst time was on an international flight. There was a call for a doctor and OH happened to be in the toilet. I responded, identified myself and was subjected to a grilling. I said absolutely, offering my NHS ID badge which I happened to have in my purse (as obviously anyone could say "oh I'm a doctor") and they still wouldn't let me near the collapsed lady! They wanted to "double check" it was real... meanwhile lady remained collapsed.

OH emerged from the toilet, approached a flight attendant to say "I heard the doctor on board call, I'm a doctor too but I presume my partner is dealing with it already though?" and was rushed past me towards the lady!! Her husband was furious and assured me he would write an angry letter to the airline.

In the nicest possible way, aren't we a little responsible here, for sometimes having jobs ( particularly in sales ) based on our looks rather than ability

Oh absolutely. All female doctors are appointed on looks alone. I only even bothered with medical school to look for a husband.

Errgghh I experience this all the time at work.
I'm a chef and throughout the week days we're quieter so it's often just me in there in the mornings, and the delivery men always act like I'm not stood here in chef whites. They start looking round for the chef to sign for things, and a couple of times I've actually been asked where the chef is

Another time we got a new area manager so the first time he came in the restaurant manager gave him a tour of the place and to meet the staff that were on duty. When walking into the kitten the AM completely walked past me to introduce himself to the other two male chefs that were in there at the time.

Tbh though, the head chef treats me like I'm just there as spare help (I'm the only woman in the kitchen) and gives me all of the jobs he believes are menial and shows the other chefs how to make new dishes but never myself.
I don't know if he does it because I'm a woman though or if it's because he believes I'm not as dedicated to my job and learning more because I only work part time, even though he knows this isn't through choice but is in fact because I'm a single parent and can only work around DS's nursery times.

In the nicest possible way, aren't we a little responsible here, for sometimes having jobs ( particularly in sales ) based on our looks rather than ability Oh Samantha you're just funning with us aren't you?

To be fair to Samantha you did say "sometimes"
I reckon there are probably a lot more jobs for women based on looks than for men. Whose fault is that though, the people who take these jobs or the employers? I can appreciate that if you have a minimal skill set, there aren't many job options out there and you can't afford training, that as a job seeker you might not feel you have a choice to take a job where you're chosen based on looks :(

At previous job I was being hounded by a particularly persistent salesman about a product he wanted to sell us. We didn't need it. I was in charge of that area, and told him no.

He then proceeded to call my boss left a message telling him that he felt I didn't understand what he was offering, as I was just a young woman and what did I know etc.

Boss never responded to the git but let me know about the message. I was

Luckily it backfired. That job in general was awful though - management was good but a lot of the old-school male coworkers were constantly trying to turn me into their secretary "I just need someone to help me organize things etc" while looking helpless, trying to get me to do their filing, etc etc. It was really frustrating.

so yes, it's a thing and it's exhausting.

I'm the opposite always look for a woman when looking for help like car buying or electrical items but couldn't get to the female staff member in a big electrical store Tuesday as the male staff pounced before we made eye contact. I find women more knowledgeable.

Yanbu. Male customers constantly ignore me and ask my male colleague. 9 times out of 10 my colleague will say he doesn't know and come and ask me. They will also ask me but then go up to my male colleague to ask him because I am clearly a liar or can't be trusted.

I also find a lot of male customers will say nasty indirect things to me when there is a queue or if there isn't something on the shelf they want but are so polite and respectful as soon as a male colleague comes along.

I've had this both professionally and personally. Years ago the new CEO of the company I work for (national, medium sized) visited my workplace He had already spoken to several of my male colleagues, then asked me if I worked in the admin office. No, I am one of the highly qualified professionals which do the very job this company is all about (no offence intended to admin workers). I still occasionally get ribbed about it by my mostly male colleagues, who thought it was highly amusing and the CEO was a misogynistic arse
When I'm buying a car I use the casual sexism of some car salesmen against them. DH is a fantastic negotiator so I let him do the talking, as he's not afraid to squeeze them and has even walked out on a salesman when he couldn't get the deal I wanted (they relented after that). They're always very surprised when the negotiations are done and I sign the paperwork

Not quite the same, but another everyday sexism.

My MIL came to stay. I pointed out the very nice house that my female friend had just moved into after getting divorced.

MIL: 'Gosh she must have got a good divorce payout from her ex husband.'

When I'm buying a car I use the casual sexism of some car salesmen against them. DH is a fantastic negotiator so I let him do the talking, as he's not afraid to squeeze them and has even walked out on a salesman when he couldn't get the deal I wanted (they relented after that). They're always very surprised when the negotiations are done and I sign the paperwork grin

Yes - we do this too. It was quite satisfying getting MY bank card out to pay the $2k deposit on the car.

They also asked which of us owned which of our existing cars and were quite put out that DH owns the minivan and I own the pickup truck.

have owned my own businesses for years/usually only one emploee sometimes just me.
got asked many times to take to the owner/told them you are looking at her.the looks were laughable but i must say most apologized
also get the same treatment whenever i have a workman come over to the house/can i speak to mr wing./no theres is no such person.just had a house inspection and he commented that most little old ladies(i'm 60 and rock climb among other things)don't keep the maintenance up on thier houses./so i asked if he could look at something i was concerned about.he agreed led him to the back of the house and climbed the ladder to the roof.he actually blushed
But the most fun was when i was younger after 3 yrs in the airforce as a jump trainer(parachuting)ibecame a search and rescue mountain and fire officer.one of my duties was to take new recruits into the rocky mountains and train them to survive/repel/make sure they could swim and dive etc.
the crew would be standing around waiting for the newbies.we each took a co-trainer and 6-9 trainees.out.they would strut up in all thier manliness.and ask me who the trainers were.i would ask which section they belonged to,i would point them to their new boss and tell the ones i had to stay where they were.
my male associate would walk up and they would fawn all over him.until he said that they needed to do thier final intake with the boss and then get thier gear ready.
many very freaked out young men when i started giving them instruction especially when at 6000ft altitude on the end of a rope.
just keep in mind they are untrained asses and have joe send them to the owner. reeducation IS possible

Jay Rayner wrote a piece about what restaurants should stop doing in 2017. One of them was to stop automatically giving the bill to the male on the table.

My dd and a friend of hers both recently got part-time jobs at a local hotel and dd was told she'd be started off doing housekeeping for a few weeks and then be trained on bar work. Most of her hours worked since have been housekeeping, and only a couple of hours in the bar.
Her friend? He was bar trained straight away, and has never been asked to do any housekeeping.

Now I’ve heard people complain about restaurants always giving the bill to the man so when we go anywhere DH always asks for the bill and we then watch to see where it goes.
100% of the time it goes in the middle.

If two females are having a meal, the restaurant manages to just place the bill on the table without assuming anything.
It shouldn't be too hard for them.

That's good, wallpaper. I haven't been in a restaurant with a man for a while, so I don't know what happens.

In the nicest possible way, aren't we a little responsible here, for sometimes having jobs ( particularly in sales ) based on our looks rather than ability

I have a face like a burst welly. If I relied on my “looks” for getting a job, I’d be starving.

It’s equal parts reassuring and equal parts depressing to see I’m far from alone in experiencing this phenomenon. 😐

Btw to those wondering if it's just the UK, I would guess that yes the UK is particularly bad.

Did you know that they have done some studies about which countries are the most patriarcal?
Japan is arriving first and the UK is in 6th position.... before the US (but not far) and way before France (who is in 35th place)....

So yes... actually the uk is really bad at that.