Men keep ignoring me in my own bloody shop

[Kitee]

I own a small local shop that sells office supplies/ printing equipment etc amongst other things.

I have been noticing lately that men COMPLETELY blank me in favour of my male colleague whom I have recently employed - let’s call him Joe (until then it was just me so they had no other option)

For example, yesterday a woman came in with her husband. I greeted them and asked if I could help with anything. He started to reply to me and then when he noticed Joe he just turned his back on me and continued what he was saying to Joe. I was so angry! It’s my shop!

Second example, a man came in with a list of items he needed which included product codes etc. Once again I greeted him warmly and he walked straight past me, did not even acknowledge me, to make a beeline for Joe.

I’m seriously getting fed up of this.

I know not ALL MEN do this.

I don’t know if they even realise they are doing it?

It’s pretty disheartening to be honest, I feel like I’m not taken as seriously and it’s presumed that I just don’t know what I’m talking about.

Anyone else experienced this or have any way of dealing with it?

AIBU to wear a big sign round my neck staying that I am more than capable of serving you in my own shop?

You're a FB friend, I can wave over there if you're still unsure.

I was visiting a client site, sat at a desk doing some work, male colleague at next door desk. Senior co. member from client comes over to catch up with us both. It's a very hot day and so he asks me "what you doing in here, you should be sat outside in yorrr bikini!"

Colleague on a work night out lowering his face so it was level with my breasts and going "bosom". Yes I was wearing a low cut top. No I do not think this means the comment it elicited was acceptable.

I do wish you'd stop name changing. How's a girl meant to stalk people if they change name?

I always think of you as Bran so that did the trick.

So glad you can confirm my similarity to Julia Roberts

This thread makes hard reading. :(

OP - do not go for a short term fix. Revenge is a dish best served cold. Finish rich.

Can you make this work to your advantage? In many ways it is great that Jo is very busy and productive. It frees you up for planning, strategising, checking those spreadsheets, investing, negotiating hard deals with suppliers....

Don't fight to do the junior's job.

I feel we need to keep this thread going and work on solutions.

Training a new male staff member in, his second day shadowing me, he's asking questions as he's clearly confused by the complicated process, when the customer seated the other side of the desk asks me "Boss down to check how things are going? I hope your doing your job, like a good girl"

Bear in mind that I'm 15+ years older than both my new starter and the customer, I cock an eyebrow and reply, quite pleasantly "Actually I'm training him in, today is his second day"

Customer speaks to my new colleague over my shoulder "Never mind lad, shell be making you tea before you know it"

even kindly converted my name from "Barbarella Smith" which had been submitted to "Mrs Chris Smith".

I'm thinking about what someone like Deborah Meaden would do.

I think she would use the freed up time to make more money.

Dubdurbs

I'm the only female barber in a team and the amount of times men ask for A or B (The male barbers)! Really pissed me off despite the fact I have more barbering experience than the pair then!

Used to deal with complaints in a hospital. Received one where the patient was unhappy about their care and the fact he hadn't seen a doctor during his admission. His medical records clearly stated otherwise - as of course they would - but we went back and forth with letters a couple of times. Decided to ask him in for a meeting with the consultant and doctors who had treated him. All women. You can guess the punchline I'm sure. He wasn't even embarrassed though - just basically implied he didn't think women should be doctors. It was an eye opener.....

Overrun, what did you say to him? (What are you allowed to say?).

"It's the Goldberg paradigm, men are assumed to know more."

Don't know if I dare google this.

I spent a year on a secondment in an IT position. The other two people on the project were older men, one of whom was our sort of unofficial boss, the other was a middle manager, and I held no other responsibility.

I was routinely ignored by the ‘boss’, who talked over me in meetings, and minuted the complete opposite of what I had said. The final straw was when he rearranged a meeting without emailing me the new time or place. It might have been a mistake, but I didn’t fucking care by that point. I went to my regular line manager and asked to be moved off the project and onto something else.

It’s infuriating because I can’t prove any of it.

Nice to see a consensus on this thread

This sort of thing drives me mad. I work in a male dominated sector and have seen it happen all too often. And I am currently complaining to my bank about similar attitudes. For example They keep sending mail about our joint account but addressing it only to him. And ringing up to talk to us about the account and insisting in talking only to him.

My main problem has been with male paralegals reporting in to me.

One said that if asked to do any more filing he would "come to work in a dress".

The other reacted to my instructions to prepare a tactical one page document with "oh but in my experience the investors will want to see it done thoroughly".

At an incredibly junior time, both felt they had a right to challenge me.

A bit like overruns example.

My friend is an obstetrician, she admitted a woman as an emergency from antenatal clinic, did a caesarean section, saw the woman every day on the ward round for 5 days and when she discharged her the woman said 'you have been very nice but am I going to see a Dr before I go?'

There are loads in medicine often when the patient is ignoring the consultant and specialist registrar (female) and addressing a whole series of complicated questions to the very embarrassed male 1st year medical student

Billy I believe you. It's so draining when you know you're being ignored because of your gender but it's so hard to prove.

In the nicest possible way, aren't we a little responsible here, for sometimes having jobs ( particularly in sales ) based on our looks rather than ability

Generally when people are chosen for jobs based on looks it applies equally for men and women - e.g. charity chuggers , host/hostess at a posh bar or sales assistants in luxury retail. The vast majority of women are in their role due to qualifications and experience.

Please don't be part of the problem by having such an attitude.

I am surprised by all the examples from medicine.

Mind you, most patients are above average population age and older people like my parents will refer to having seen "a very nice lady doctor" which they consider fine provide she is pretty and smiley too.

Joe is man, ergo Joe is expert in all things office.

Apparently.

ItLooksABitOff thanks 🙂

The depressing thing on this thread is that women feel that they have to show themselves to be much better than their male colleague in order to prove their worth, but what about the mediocre people?

I want to be as mediocre as a mediocre man and get the same level of respect as he does.

In the nicest possible way, aren't we a little responsible here, for sometimes having jobs ( particularly in sales ) based on our looks rather than ability

It's entirely possible to be good looking and capable at the same time. Besides there are very few jobs like that these days.