Men keep ignoring me in my own bloody shop

[Kitee]

I own a small local shop that sells office supplies/ printing equipment etc amongst other things.

I have been noticing lately that men COMPLETELY blank me in favour of my male colleague whom I have recently employed - let’s call him Joe (until then it was just me so they had no other option)

For example, yesterday a woman came in with her husband. I greeted them and asked if I could help with anything. He started to reply to me and then when he noticed Joe he just turned his back on me and continued what he was saying to Joe. I was so angry! It’s my shop!

Second example, a man came in with a list of items he needed which included product codes etc. Once again I greeted him warmly and he walked straight past me, did not even acknowledge me, to make a beeline for Joe.

I’m seriously getting fed up of this.

I know not ALL MEN do this.

I don’t know if they even realise they are doing it?

It’s pretty disheartening to be honest, I feel like I’m not taken as seriously and it’s presumed that I just don’t know what I’m talking about.

Anyone else experienced this or have any way of dealing with it?

AIBU to wear a big sign round my neck staying that I am more than capable of serving you in my own shop?

When i worked in a bank we had one particularly unpleasant customer over the phone who was very rude to the female staff

Even though we were answering his question in the same way he kept demanding to speak to a man

We told him there wasnt a male member of staff that could help him but he kept insisting....we finally got 'peter' to speak to him, the man asked his question and peter said he couldn't help him as he was a filing clerk but he could get his (female) manager to answer the question....which she had been trying to do for ages by then

I'm a doctor.

I go to see pts. I introduce myself as Dr Opinionatedfreak and that I will be looking after them. I take a history. I sometimes examine them. I explain what they can expect.

I often walk away to hear them saying to their partner "did you hear what the nurse said"

It doesn't happen to my male colleagues.

picklemepopcorn

I’m laughing at Flowerpot who has helpfully told you to step forward and make eye contact (despite your clear post)

No I didn't. I helpfully said she should not greet so warmly and move physically less. On a separate post I wrote about other experiences I have had.

@opinionatedfreak I am so angry for you!! And for everyone else who had recounted stories on this thread, and for myself!

I once had sort of the opposite opinionated. I was volunteering on a hospital ward for a charity and this older male patient told me "all you doctors are so young and glamorous these days". I was only in my 20s and although he was grumbling in a way, he obviously thought I could be a medical professional, he didn't just assume I was a volunteer or a relative etc. Fortunately he didn't ask for me to examine him!

TheLastPeg I absolutely loathe Foxtons by the way, and hate it any time I've found a property and the only agent one can go through is them. So now I just will not consider any property where Foxtons is the agent.

As for MAC - I get the (generalised!) feeling really that the assistants on the counters are not there for women, but really for themselves. They regard the counter as their playground and just make each other up all day, and if a customer needs help they sigh, rush over, say "it's up to yooouuuu", then get back to their colouring in.

Ugh Rufustherenegadereindeer1 that’s awful.

Went into a car showroom with my DH, to enquire about purchasing my company car. Gave sales person, my budget, what I was looking for etc. He spent 30 minutes talking to my DH about torque, acceleration, etc etc. Showed my DH the driving seat, and asked if I was ok to sit in the back whilst we did a test drive. My DH did try to tell him, he wouldn’t listen. My DH only requirement in a car is that it doesn’t break down so no interest at all. We got right to the end, sat down to do the paperwork, when I quite clearly told him why, if this was last car of it’s type in the country, I wouldn’t be buying it through him. This was some years ago and I thought it must be different now......No, exactly the same thing just two months ago.

This is such a shocking and depressing thread.

It happens all the time.

When our boiler broke down, the plumber blanked me and spoke to DH.

In a restaurant the bill goes to DH.

When we had our drains blocked, I answered the door, I made the phone call to get him there, he says ‘is your husband in?’

Dealing with delivery drivers, I get abuse, literally. DH turns up, driver shits himself and starts being nice to me.

Everyday fucking sexism. And people think it’s all equal now

I’d be annoyed too OP.

Customer is always right?
Do you actually feel like your customers are abusing you? People get banned from the pub for that.

You can cop a resentment that they are sexist pigs... but they are sexist pigs you're economically reliant on. So it's shooting self in own foot to be angry at them. Nothing good will come of it.

Or you can be glad that Joe is earning his keep & you are free to catch up on other work.

I think for me it would be like owning a Newsagent that sold a lot of copies of the Sun. Or serving low-nutrient puddings to people in obvious ill health, in a cafe. I don't have to share my customers' values to have a cordial relationship with them.

I don't share the MN or English love of moaning about things. I'm probably missing the point that the only purpose of this thread is to Moan.

I went out with a male friend the other week and I bought a phone cover from one of those stalls you get in shopping centres. The cover was £6 and I handed over a £20 note. The cashier/ owner (male) took MY change from the till and handed it to my friend. I was stood right in front of the till. I was closer to him. My male friend wasn’t even looking in his direction.

I would have told him I'd changed my mind and demanded my money back.

Name tag with I am the fucking owner

Love a good moan me!

I had a workman come round to fix something in MY flat while my DP was visiting. The workman kept talking at my DP about what the issue was and how he was going to fix it and when he was going to be back. Even though I was stood there, had answered the door and explained the problems I'd been having with the appliance to him.

Then next time he came round he said 'I explained everything to your husband last time I was here.' I was like - he's not my husband and he doesn't live here.

lljkk

I don't have to share my customers' values to have a cordial relationship with them.
I don't share the MN or English love of moaning about things. I'm probably missing the point that the only purpose of this thread is to Moan.

WTF? The OP continues to have a cordial relationship with her customers. She also has a brain which has thoughts and mental and physiological aspects which means she has emotions. She - alarming though this appears to you - is actually allowed to have both too.

Now it has turned into stories of other blatant sexism....

Used to happen to me all the time when I still worked in veterinary practice. If I had a male student shadowing me, clients would regularly talk to them and then act surprised when I told them what I thought the problem was and sorted their medications. On one occasion, I had a client who took the medication from me and then turned to the student and asked if he oughtn't be checking my diagnosis.

I had a farmer who called us in an emergency, but on being told the attending vet would be a woman, turned all his lights out and went home, leaving me wandering his farmyard in the pitch dark looking for a sick calf. This was pre-mobile phones, so after about 45 minutes, I gave up yelling and went back to the practice. My male boss chewed him a new arsehole and sent him a bill for wasting our time.

Same boss offered my replacement a higher salary than me when I moved on, when he was a new graduate. I pointed out to him that this did not look great from my perspective having been with them for a couple of years by then. They gave me a generous leaving bonus.

I no longer work in practice, but it still happens on the phone. People demanding to speak to a vet and not accepting that I am, and I must be a vet nurse.

One of our family's favourite stories is the time my dad was holding a meeting with a salesman to discuss purchasing a new IT system for his company.

The salesman said something along the lines of the product he was selling would need someone who has some technical knowledge and intelligence, you know.. not like the woman who just brought in the coffee.

My dad's response - 'I will just stop you there. Firstly, that woman, the Office Manager, has a degree in electrical engineering and is by far the most tech savvy person in this office. Secondly, she's my wife.'

Needless to say, the salesman didn't get the sale!!

The thing is - you can't stop it happening until it's already occurred. And then of course it's too late. And you are right, you can't have trade excusing themselves and leaving because they have been embarrassed. However much they deserve it.

All you can do is ensure it's a learning curve for the perpetrator. Firstly, I'd brief Joe by starting a 'it's funny but I've noticed since you started...' Because if he's a young 'un he's likely to feel quite embarrassed too. Then tell him not to take your behaviour personally.
Then I'd get a bloody great hat or badge or something which says "I know more than he does, that's why I own the shop' and put it on whenever a customer does this. Say nothing, just float about in your hat smiling and waving.
Maybe they'll learn.
I own a car business which carries out race car modifications for nearly 25 years. Can you imagine how often I've been kicked to the kerb by customers and even sometimes my new employees? Once we'd got rid of the calendars and Page 3 posters back in '92, I had to start tackling behaviour like this.

Kind of similar thing where I've paid for an item in a shop and the cashier returns change to my dp.

I've also been assumed to be an assistant to a male colleague before when actually I was more experienced in the role than him. It's mad that this goes on really. I don't think men realize that this happens.

I work in IT and go to technical networking events. So many men assume I'm part of the office or catering staff.

Jaxhog that sounds very familiar! The worst I ever had was when I was at a work social thing with people from different branches. I was chatting to this lovely PA from my office and this guy from another branch came over. The conversation went like this.

Him: Hello Sue!
PA: Hello! Have you met Frieda? She-
Him: Oh! So you’ve got yourself an assistant!
PA: Oh, um, no. Frieda is-
Him: Ah! So Bob’s got two PAs now, has he?
PA: No! Frieda does what you do, actually.

He just laughed and said something like ‘haha, I don’t do much’ and then shuffled off without even making eye contact with me. Such a prick

I had the opposite (though not in a positive way!) when visiting wedding venues before our wedding. Some refused to take DH's details, even though I said he is much more likely to respond to emails, and in general is more organised than me. It was also him that wanted the traditional big white wedding, so we'd agreed he'd take on a lot of the organising.

But no, they insisted it had to be my details.

Of course that was a deciding factor in our choice of venue!

Stop greeting customers. That’s what a worker would do.

And it would be okay for a female worker to be ignored in favour of a male worker?

When my younger brother died, I dealt with his estate as my elder brother was dealing with our mother’s estate. However, in the immediate days after younger bro’s death, we did the rounds of funeral directors together. We always explained that I was dealing with all the arrangements, but, with ONE exception, the bloody FDs all spoke to my brother. I’d be asking the questions, but answers were to my bro. Even when my bro had wandered over to the other side of the room and looking at pics on the wall!

This sort of thing makes me irate, OP. If it were not unfair on Joe, I’d replace him with a Jo, as suggested ^^.

I don’t suppose there’s a back room where Joe can be based until you need him FoH? (i know that’s not really fair either) can he wera overalls, preferably a bit paint stained and dusty?