About MIL copying me?

[redangryemoji]

Just to clarify- this is not a MIL bashing thread. We get on really well and she is a lovely kind woman. But....

She has form for copying me which doesn’t generally bother me but this time I’m really pissed off.

We have a family wedding coming up next month. DP needed a new suit so he went out and got himself one. 2 weeks later MIL and FIL also go and get a new suit. As she’s showing me I notice it’s exactly the same suit that DP got. She laughs and says ‘Yes but FIL’s suit is slim fit not skinny fit like the one xxxx got.’ Still it’s the same colour, brand and style so is the same suit in my opinion. He’s also got the same style shoes to go with it and the same colour shirt to wear with it. DP was a bit annoyed as they will be dressed pretty much the same.

Fast forward a few weeks and MIL asked me what I’m planning on wearing to the wedding. I show her the dress that I’ve got (navy lace) and the nude shoes and bag to wear with it. She said ‘that’s nice’ and not much else. A couple of days later she said ‘I think I’m going to look for a navy lace dress to wear to the wedding’. I was a bit but thought no more if it.

Today she’s sent me a picture of the dress, shoes and bag that she’s got and it is pretty much identical to mine. The whole bloody lot of it!

Why? Why? Why? Does she not realise we are going to look like a load of twats all wearing the same thing? I mentioned it to DP but he became quite defensive saying if it bothers me that much I should change my dress. AIBU to be so pissed off about it or should I just take it as a complement?
Also I’m now debating changing my dress and not ever telling her anything again but I absolutely love it and will struggle to find anything else I like quite as much.

www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_54510+203894185_-1

I like this

And

www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_60514+FFN0046758_-1

If your feeling brave

Agh! That is totally weird. My parents in law are the same. They even ended up buying the same perfume and aftershave as us, so I couldn’t hug or kiss my DH without thinking of his dad! And I didn’t want to smell like himself mum, so we changed smellies and then they asked what the new ones were! I didn’t tell them.

www.debenhams.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/prod_10701_10001_62035+HSWD35960_-1

Ideal winter wedding and had 'hot' technology!'

@Dabitdontrubit, I got on famously with my mil, wished she'd been my real mum, bar how completely wrong and weird that would obviously be!

That's very very annoying and more than a bit weird. Why would any couple want to look identical to their own son and DIL?

Clearly, you must lead her totally down the garden path next time you discuss clothing.

If you like shift dresses, this one from Hobbs looks lovely.

This one is pretty. www.karenmillen.com/gb/womens/clothing/dresses/embroidered-mini-dress/017806.html

I’ve had a quick skim and Karen Millen have some other pretty dresses in. Speaking from experience I find they’re also quite wearable if you’re short too.

Burgundy lace?

I think you should reply with “I don’t think I’m being silly. Dh and fil are in matching suits, near matching shirts, ties and shoe. We are both wearing navy lacy dresses with nude shoes and bags. Sorry, but we will look silly.”

With your colouring I’d go for red.

www.marksandspencer.com/short-sleeve-bodycon-midi-dress/p/p22512566?&mcptredirect

I think you should go for a bright colour so there can be no chance of similarity at all! Sends mil a clear message that you won't look the same.

Since you apparently get on so well with your MIL on such occasions as this, why don't you offer to take her shopping and help her to find something lovely for herself. She clearly has a high regard for your taste, but might not be able to sort out her own choices, and if you helped her, rather than planning a family row, shortly before a family wedding, then she would love you even more? Less stress, two completely different outfits? No-one upset or distressed? Wouldn't that be an easier way to sort it all out?

Obviously, do not tell her next time, but maybe offer to shop with her?

She sounds insecure/unsure of current styles. As an almost 60, i am sometimes flummoxed by what to wear that isn't dowdy bc we live in the middle of the country and i don't work out.

Be kind and accessories can make a big difference. Its not just you, dh loves his parents too.

You are lucky, my mil would ask what i liked, when we were first starting out with little money, and buy herself what i admired....then expected compliments!

Go, have fun, nobody looks at us as closely as we do ourselves (except a few mn'ers).

I'd just tell her you have got a new outfit, where you got it and the bar code number. Then wait til she copies you and buys the new dress and wear the original navy dress to the wedding safe in the knowledge that she'll be wearing the decoy new dress.
And never tell her what you're wearing to any future events.

Get your husband a different colour shirt, add something colourful to your outfit and DON’T TELL THE MIL.

And in future, tell her “oh I haven’t decided yet”

And if she presses you for an answer, tell her you have two outfits in mind and will decide on the day what you are wearing.

Not hard, is it?

Wear the duplicated dress to the if there is one meal the night before? 🤣

Haven't read full thread so sorry if someone else has suggested this:
'Confide' in her that you are getting another dress as you don't think your outfit and your husband's new suit match together, and he can't change his as he's had it altered. Tell her about or show her another dress so hopefully she'll go and get one too, then (if she goes for it) you can wear your navy one!

😂😂😂

You will look silly, like wannabe bridesmaids. You have to buy another outfit, so that is annoying. Try not to fall out with her though.. It's her lack of style/taste. She wishes she had your eye.

I saw this dress earlier and thought "I wish I had a wedding to go to so I could buy it". I'm dark too and think the colour would be good on you (although the nude accessories you have prob wouldn't work)
www.warehouse.co.uk/gb/clothing/dresses-model/tiered-lace-dress/030399.html?dwvar_030399_color=22&cgid=dresses-model&position=63#sz=60&start=63&categoryID=dresses-model
And fwiw I def think it's odd your MIL copied. Keep your cards close in future 😉

My closest friend does this a lot and it’s really annoying! A couple of years ago I’d spent months looking for a new handbag, I was really after something specific and finally found one that fitted the bill. Cue one day a couple of weeks later “I had such a bad day at work today, you’ll never guess what I’ve treated myself to, to cheer myself up!” Yep, MY bag, in the same flipping colour! I was so cross I couldn’t bring myself to use mine for months after and I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t have chosen a different colour at least. So I totally understand why you’re so cross. If you don’t think she’ll change, I’d definitely chose a different dress and don’t tell her so she can’t copy again.

Very weird and I’d be annoyed too.
Change your outfit and don’t ever share info with her again. If she asks why you changed your dress I’d just say ‘we’d all look like a right bunch of numpties wouldn’t we?!’

I would have fun with it. When she asks send her pictures of a decoy dress, something you wouldnt be found dead in. See if she buys it then wear what you like!

Just never ever tell them what you will be wearing again.

I do sympathise, I love navy lace, one of my favourite going out dresses is navy lace and with nude shoes. Such a shame you can't wear it.

Ooh noo! Yanbu to not just be slightly miffed but royally f*cked off!! (I could mil bash and beat everyone hands down, I not so affectionately call her cruella, nc for years tho)
But as you said you 2 actually have a good relationship I think definitely talk to her, but not before you have a new dress that you dont tell her about. And get the wedding out the way 1st too.
It maybe hasnt occured to her that not only is it odd for she and her husband to dress almost identically to you guys but (not saying older women nd a twinset n pearls) theres an age difference and perhaps your style is not so suitable for her?? If you could make that sound more tactful than me it might help. X

Apologies for not rtft, but since DP was miffed that his dad would be wearing the same suit, which unless it’s some really bold prince of Wales check, most men look fairly similar anyway, but thought you should put up with his mother wearing the same as you or get a new outfit, I would take that as carte blanche to go out and find a bloody expensive new dress/shoes/bag. Net-a-porter can deliver really quickly!
It’s a bit like that wedding in Australia recently where 4 or 5 of the guests turned up in the same dress.